Disruptions
by Radiorox
Summary: Ever notice that each time we should have gotten a shippery scene that Harm and Mac have some sort of disruption? Picking scenes from certain episodes and shipperizing them a bit. ;)
1. Chapter 1

Ever notice how Harm and Mac seem to get interrupted every time something shippery is about to happen? - This is just me having a little fun with some scenes in some episodes and changing them up a bit.

AN: The titles of each chapter will be the episode that I am "fixing" I guess. Some will be times where they got interrupted others it's a scene that we should have had but, didn't. Mistakes are mine. Writing these as they pop into my head so there will likely be errors.

 **Disruptions Chapter 1**

A Tangled Webb Pt. 2

Instinctively, he knew where Mac was and that the chances of her being alive much longer were starting to slip away. He took aim at one of Sadik's men that were situated just outside of a small shack. Harm could smell something foul wafting from inside – the smell of death, excrement and sizzling skin. A mixture so potent it nearly made him sick. He was going to shoot but, thought of a better alternative that would not alert the other guards that they were being ambushed. Instead, he made his way through the woods and unsheathed a Bowie knife which was attached to his belt. He'd make this quiet.

Harm rounded the shack and once the coast was clear, descended upon a man who was a full head shorter than he. It didn't take long for him to ram the knife home and end the bastards life right then in there. He pressed himself up against the shack and tried to listen to the voices inside. Two men were speaking Farsi and laughing.

"Please, don't do this." It was Mac, her voice almost recognizable as she begged. "You won't get a damned thing from me!" She spoke again and this time he could hear when the Marine in her had come back, not letting her weaker self-win.

The men still worked, rubbing together the steel wool that was attached to automotive jumper cables and into a battery. The wool sizzled and sparked, a white/orange light emanating from them as they made to press the contraption onto her skin. It caused the lights to dim and flicker inside the torture chamber and Mac looked around, trying to find a viable way out. There wasn't one, she knew as the restrains were wrapped tightly around her ankles and wrists. _This is it. This is how I'm gonna die._ She thought and couldn't help the tears that pooled in her eyes. Mac wasn't afraid of death but, there was so much she wanted to do and this wasn't the way she was supposed to go. "Stop making a show and just do it." She yelled and braced herself when the crackling steel wool came closer.

"Now or never, Rabb." Harm said, taking his rifle firmly in his hands before kicking down the door. Immediately, he pressed himself against the frame and took a shot at one man and then the other, killing both of them. His eyes scanned the small room and once he realized there was no one else inside, he looked down at the woman tied to a makeshift table. "Mac. Thank God."

This isn't real. Mac thought, wishing she could rub her eyes and see clearer. The man stepped in, closed the door behind him and then began working on her restraints. "This can't be real."

"It's me, Mac. It's Harm." He said, in a rushed voice as he used the knife to cut off the ropes that bound her wrists. Once she was free, he helped her sit up and then handed her the rifle. "Anyone comes in through that door, shoot to kill, Marine. I'll get your legs." He cut the ropes there as well, tossing them on the ground before taking a look around the shack. There was dry blood everywhere and a bucket filled with water covered in swimming larvae of some sort. There were various items attached to the walls, hooks, ropes, chains, a machete. A team of car batteries lined the back wall, waiting for their turn to administer the pain that the shack was designed for. "Jesus."

Beneath the table, he could still near the crackling coming from the steel wool and he kicked the cables aside as he stepped close to Mac. "Are you alright, Marine?"

Mac stared at him in bewilderment. "How are you here?"

"Long story. Let's get you out of here." He went to help her off of the table she was sitting on when she settled the rifle to the side and pulled him to her.

Mac held Harm in a fierce embrace, crying into the crook of his neck when she felt his own arms wrap around her. "I thought I'd never see you again." She couldn't help the sob that escaped her and relished in the feel of his arms tightening around her. One of his hands moved up and down her spine, offering a silent comfort and he reassurance that she was still alive. "How are you here?"

"It's a long story." Harm pulled away for a moment and raised her head up, searching for signs of a concussion before his hands ran gently over her body. "Anything broken?"

"No." She shook her head.

"Did they…" He looked her in the eye, unable to finish the sentence.

"God, no."

Harm pulled her off the table and settled Mac on her feet before pulling a pistol from the small of his back and handing it to her. "Can you walk?"

"Yes."

"Good, let's get out of here." His voice was full of anger and something that she couldn't quite put her finger on. It was almost as if he weren't happy to be there, saving the day. When she didn't immediately follow, Harm turned around and found her staring at the pistol as if she didn't know what to do with it. "Mac, we gotta go."

She raised her head and looked straight into his ever expressive eyes, noting the dark blue that the held. Mac could usually tell when something was wrong just by looking at them. She could tell that her taking on this mission had hurt him. She didn't know what to do and couldn't even begin to figure out how to fix it. So, she took a breath and closed the distance between them as she came up her toes, leaned in and kissed him.

Harm wasn't expecting the kiss. All he wanted to do was get her out of the damned place and to safety. The needed to get moving and any tender reunion would have to wait. Once he'd walked into the shack and seen her tied up all he wanted to do was hold her and kiss her. He needed to tell her how he felt but, he couldn't be selfish, not now when their lives were at stake. "We can't do this now." He said in a sad tone as he broke the kiss and pressed his forehead to hers. Harm took one of her hands in his and squeezed gently, hoping to convey the words that he had practiced over and over and yet, couldn't formulate.

"I know." She released his hand, racked the pistol and motioned towards the door. "Let's get the hell out of here."


	2. Chapter 2

This next little Disruption will be during "Persian Gulf". I always felt annoyed that Harm couldn't go with Mac with her showdown with Sadik. His "impairment" would be the disruption for this one. ;) Here goes... BTW - This is going to go fast as I want to keep these short. :)  
Also, I wrote this at work with people annoying me EVERY FRIGGIN MINUTE! Sorry if it's a little scattered... So is my brain...

It was fairly early, six thirty to be exact when Harm woke up and found one Sarah MacKenzie fast asleep in his arms. She seemed content, peaceful in sleep despite being so close to death just a few hours earlier.

How she wound up in his bed had been something of a miracle, at least in his eyes. After Paraguay, Harm was sure that they would never share any type of closeness with her again. Everything between them had been tense and stressful. Barbs were shot at one another seeking to hurt and doing just so. They were strangers, passing through each others lives just because they shared the same work space.

But, he never stopped loving her. Not once. Not ever. As she lay in his arms, he thought back to the previous night and how she'd wound up sleeping in his arms...

...Harm sat at his table staring at the pictures that Mac had left of Sadik Fahd. There were multiple renderings each making him look completely different. _"He many not look like any of these."_ Mac had said just a few minutes earlier before she left his apartment and most certainly after the terrorist. And he just watched her go - again, like he had when she'd left for Paraguay.

"You need to go after her, sir." Jennifer Coates said, standing at the door of his apartment with a bowl of popcorn in hand. Moments earlier they had been playing Scrabble, using it to pass the time as Harm recovered from he car battery explosion that rendered him temporarily deaf. His injury had been a gift from Sadik Fahd and Harm was lucky to be alive but, the effects had caused waves of dizziness.

Harm stared up at the Petty Officer and raised a brow in annoyance. "Were you listening in, Jenn? And I told you, it's Harm."

"Sir." She insisted, moving into the apartment and placing the popcorn bowl on his table. "I don't claim to know what's going on with you and Colonel MacKenzie but, it's obvious you love her." Coates stared down at the pictures on his table and picked one up. "He's dangerous isn't he?"

"Very."

"Then you need to go after her, Harm." It wasn't her place to play match maker but, the two were just meant to be. Everyone could see it but them. "I'll watch over Mattie."

It had taken some coaxing and the threat to go public with what he knew about the terrorist but, two hours later, Harm sat in the back of an nondescript van parked a block away from the apartment building where Sadik had lead Mac. He was sitting next to CIA Deputy Director Kershaw listening intently to the interaction between Mac and the terrorist courtesy of the wire she'd been fitted with.

Harm ground his teeth as Sadik spat out his rhetoric at Mac calling her a whore. The bastard was working his psychology on her, something that was often far worse than physical torture itself. Mac seemed to be playing his game all in hopes that he would tip his hand and divulge information the CIA needed to stop a terrorist attack.

Then something happened and Harm could hear the sounds of Mac struggling, the sensitive microphone of her wire picking up the tearing of her clothes. He could hear her moans and the sounds of fists landing on skin. It was Mac pleading with Sadik to stop that sprung Harm into action.

"Commander! Don't!" He could hear Kershaw's warning but, Harm was already out of the van and running towards the apartment building. His head was hurting, vision swimming but, Harm didn't stop. He ran into the building, teetering up the steps as he reached the second floor. "Damnit, which apartment?!" He spun around, glancing at the row of apartments to the right and left until the sound of gunshots echoed around him. "Oh, no." He ran towards the sound and slammed his body into the door, breaking it loose from the frame as he stumbled through. "Mac!"

She turned towards him then holding a pistol in her hand. "Harm?" This wasn't real, he couldn't be there. Only he was and a second later, she felt his arms wrap around her, crushing her to him. Mac leaned her head against his chest and sighed. She was battered and exhausted, with a bleeding lip and clothes that were torn to shreds. The comfort of his arms was welcomed. "How are you here?"

"I couldn't let you do this alone, Mac." Behind them he could hear the DC Police racing up the steps. "Let go of the weapon, you're safe." He took the gun away from her and placed it on a table nearby. Harm let her go long enough to grab her coat and wrap it around her shoulders. He stared at the ground and the heap that was one Sadik Fahd. The man was dead, it was over.

"I don't want to go home." Mac said suddenly. "I don't want to be alone... I can't right now." She seemed so fragile to him then, a shell of the strong woman that she normally was. It made his heart ache and Harm wondered what irreparable damage Sadik's words had done.

"Do you have your sea bag?" He asked, knowing that she would - she always did.

"Always." Mac said with a smile and put on her Marine facade once Kershaw had made it up the steps rattling off orders to DC Police before addressing Harm and Mac. They would debrief the following day.

They hadn't spoken on the drive to his apartment or when he carried her sea bag up the steps to his bedroom and placed it on his bed. Mac had taken a shower, hoping wash the memories of Sadik away from her and ease the aches she'd begun to feel. The bastard had gotten a few shots in and some of the open cuts in her body ached when they were cleansed with soap. She slipped on clean underwear and a set of USMC sweats that she'd always packed away in her sea bag. As if on queue, Harm stepped into his room carrying a cup of tea - Earl Grey - her favorite.

"If you need ibuprofen, there's some in the medicine cabinet." He said, placing the cup on the night stand. "You can take my bed. I'll sleep on the couch."

Mac stared at him and the concerned look on his face that made him seem so boyishly cute. Harm too looked as exhausted as she felt, no doubt he needed the rest as much as she. "I don't want you to sleep on the couch. I just..." She trailed off then closing her eyes as the last of her words came out on a whisper. "... want to be held... I want to know it's alright... I want to feel safe."...

... Harm frowned at how fragmented she'd been and the tears that she cried against his chest only to apologize for shedding them. He held her tightly, running his fingers through her hair until she'd fallen asleep. There were no words between them, simply the comfort that he was willing to give and she willingly accepted.

"Morning, Colonel." He said softly once he found her brown eyes staring at him in confusion. How the hell did she wind up here? It took Mac a second or two to remember where she was and how she had gotten there. Sadik Fahd, her tormentor, was dead and with it everything having to do with Paraguay. She was safe, so was Harm. "What time is it?"

"Don't tell me your internal clock stopped working?"

Mac smirked, "It got knocked out of whack, I think. Six... six twenty?"

He glanced at the clock behind her. "Close, it's six fifteen...And it's Saturday, no need to get out of bed so early."

"Okay." She snuggled in against him, head resting against his chest as Harm rolled onto his back. He began playing with her hair again, something that Mac found comforting. "I'm sorry for everything... I've been horrible to you."

"I wasn't any better, Mac. I took a few cheap shots at you. I'm sorry." Harm sighed dejectedly, he hoped that with Sadik dead they could move forward. Both of them deserved a shot at happiness even if it wasn't with each other. For today, he would enjoy the feel of her in his arms until she eventually went back to Clayton Webb. "Shouldn't you call Clay? I"m sure he's worried."

She shook her head. "We broke up three weeks ago."

"I"m sorry, Mac." He wasn't and the tone of his voice stated such. "I didn't like you with the guy but, you seemed happy. W-why did it end?" He suspected Clay was with someone else, something that Catherine Gayle had eluded to on several occasions.

"I broke it off... Guess I figured out I would always be in love with you." She said the words so softly, Mac was sure he wouldn't hear them. After last night, she couldn't deny it anymore and didn't want to. They were a mess and many things needed to be laid out on the table but, after facing off with Sadik, somethings just shifted into place. Try "I'm in love with you, Harm and I don't want to do this anymore... I don't want to wait until one of us nearly dies to tell you what I feel. And if you don't feel the same..." Before she had a chance to say anything else, Harm rolled her onto her back and settled atop of her as he kissed her feverishly.

Mac welcomed the weight of him and wrapped her arms to hold him closer when she parted her lips as his tongue meshed with her own. She felt safe, cherished, wanted, desired and wondered why the hell they'd waited so damned long to get to this point. As quickly as the kiss had begun, Harm had ended it, telling her to wait as he unraveled himself from the sheets and reached into the drawer of his night table producing a blue velvet box. "I don't know how to do this." He said shyly and opened the box to reveal an unconventional engagement ring. The band was white gold set with three stones. The middle had a diamond and on each side were two other gems - a ruby, her birthstone and the other a blue/green opal, his birthstone. "Hell, I'm not sure it will even fit you."

"When did you get this?" She stared up at him with wonder sure that a moment like this had long passed for them.

"For Christmas, two years ago..." Harm knew what he wanted then. After Mic left and they'd agreed to start over, he and Mac had found their rhythm again and so he bought the ring with the intention of giving it to her for Christmas. "Things kinda got in the way." Clay had brought Sergei to him and Harm found himself putting his plans on pause. "I just couldn't find the right time again." Or maybe he was too scared to care for someone so much that it hurt? "I mean... You know, we've hit a rough patch so if..."

"Yes." She said, interrupting his scattered thoughts.

"Yes?" At her nod, Harm slowly slipped the circle on the ring finger of her left hand. "It fits." He said triumphantly, flyboy grin sliding firmly into place as he leaned forward and kissed her.


	3. Chapter 3

Seriously, one of the times that pissed me off was when Harm walked in on Mac in the bathtub... let's fix it.

 **PARAGUAY AT THE HOTEL**

"I've forgotten how beautiful you are." Mac sat in the bathtub, heart racing a million miles a minute at his comment. Only it wasn't just his comment but, the way looked at her. His eyes had glanced from her face to her body that was covered by bubbles. He was unabashed in the way he appraised her body and for a few seconds it made her feel desired.

With a huff, she raised herself out of the tub only to hear Harm returning and entering without knocking. "It's alright, Mac… Just room serv.."

His words died on his lips when he saw Mac standing there completely naked. Harm didn't know why he just barged in, he suspected she was still neck deep in bubbles not... dear God she was gorgeous.

He swallowed a few times and stared at her hoping that she wouldn't cover up with the towel she was reaching for. His eyes caressed her skin from her head, down her back to the perfect roundness of her back side. She wrapped the towel around herself and finally turned to face him.

 _I'm a dead man._ Harm thought as Mac stood there glancing at him with an expression that he wasn't sure how to read.

 _She's gonna kill me but, it'll be worth it._ In two long strides he crossed the room and stepped right up to her. "Please don't kill me." He said before cupping her face gently in his hands and kissing her.

Mac remained still for a moment, her brain trying to play catch up with everything that was happening. The moment that he'd stepped into the bathroom she'd been reaching for a towel. She could feel his eyes as they moved over her body. It was sensual and rather than cover up, she let him look, daring him

She'd half expected him to turn away offering a slew of apologies as he retreated to the friend zone. Mac never expected to be kissed so slowly, fully, passionately.

 _He's kissing me._ Her brain finally came online when he broke the kiss. When he made to step away, Mac grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him back. "Kiss me again." She pleaded and gave up a soft moan when his lips met hers.

Harm did as asked, this time wrapping his arms around her, molding Mac's body to his own. His hands ran the length of her, stopping when he found the ends of the towel. Fingers ran softly over the edges of the fabric, grazing Mac's skin. She let it fall away from her, pooling on the floor and stepping back so he could look.

Harm swallowed hard and stared hungrily at the woman before him. "Beyond beautiful." He said and pulled her back to him so his hands can roam over her soft skin as his lips took hers again.

"Take me to bed." Mac asked in a sultry voice that left no room to question what she wanted.

Hours later, Harm awoke to the feel of Mac's body pressed up against his. This was probably the worst time and location to indulge in their carnal needs and yet, it had been wonderful.

"Harm?" Mac hadn't fallen asleep, she couldn't as she wanted to commit their first time together to memory. She'd always wondered if, in bed, he was as passionate as in court or in a plane. Mac was not disappointed.

"Yeah?"

"I never thanked you." She turned in his arms, facing him. "For saving me... Things got a little crazy, I guess I forgot to tell you. I was so happy to see you."

Crazy indeed. Once he'd rescued her it was business as usual, he hadn't even hugged her. "So was I...Not sure what I would have done if I'd lost you." He couldn't help the tear that spilled at the thought. All he knew was that he never wanted to find out. "I love you, Mac."

Mac brushed the tears from his eyes and then leaned in to kiss him. "I love you, too."


	4. Chapter 4

This one is from "Measure Of Men" when Mac asks Harm if he'd give up Renee. I always hated that she walked away...

Chapter 4

"What are you willing to give up to have me? Mic gave up the navy and his country. Would you sacrifice your girlfriend?"

When Harm walked into her stateroom it made the small space seem absolutely claustrophobic. Why was he here? What the hell did he want from her? To be fair, she'd run away, unwilling to face the looks of her peers every time she walked into headquarters.

In truth, she wasn't ready to face him or admit that Mic had seen through her veneer. Hurt and vulnerable, she was a fool to believe Harm could take away her pain. But, Renee had been there, death trumped her broken heart. Their timing was horrible.

Then he'd traveled to California with the woman and, irrationally, Mac was upset. It was silly and selfish but, she needed him to stop her life from spinning out of control and hated that Renee had his attention. So it was easier to run away from him and sort through her feelings on her own terms.

"What? You're testing me?" Harm stared incredulously at her. She knew he loved her, he stated it loud and clear the night of her engagement party. What the hell else did she want from him?

"Well, would you?" Mac insisted opting to push his buttons this time. She needed to know, clearly what his intentions were. Not continue the never ending dance.

Harm stared at her for a moment and the hurt look that tore him apart. Was he willing to give up Renee? He already had and was just doing the right thing by comforting her. Renee knew they would never work out. "I would give her up… That night, I wanted to be there for you. I just... I couldn't send her away." He tried to justify his actions when all he'd wanted was to take Mac in his arms.

"Harm, look… I understand forget it okay... just drop it. This isn't the time." She turned back to her computer and hoped he'd walk away. "We'll talk when I get back."

"I don't want to." Harm closed the door and walked back to her. Words never seem to work so, he would be a man of action. Roughly he pulled her to her feet and before Mac had a chance to protest, he kissed her.

Mac tried to resist but, his lips on hers felt so good and so right. She felt herself give in, arms wrapping around his neck as he pulled her closer. When they broke apart she stared up at him with a dazed look and a loss for words. "Harm…"

"When I left Bethesda I bumped into skates… she told me that our mishap had her reevaluating life…I didn't understand what she meant until you called me that night…"

"You almost died…" The idea clenched her heart in a vice. It had been her fault, her insistence that he be at her wedding. "It was my fault."

"No, Mac. It was fate...I didn't realize exactly what I felt for you…Then I got back and found you'd left, I-I thought you hated me."

"Harm… No, I could never…"

"You want to know what I'd give up to have you?..." He took a breath and held it, wanting to put everything on the line but, fearing her rejection. Mac was looking up at him with a look of shock and expectation. What was he willing to give up? "Everything...Anything...I, ah...Mac, you have to know...I-I'm, in love with you." With that he kissed her again, passionately and completely. It was highly inappropriate but, he didn't care. "Our timing is as impeccable as ever, isn't it?"

Mac sighed, "Maybe it's just right?" She pulled him to her and pressed her lips against his. Her heart ached that there current location didn't afford them more time.

"Come to me when you get back…" Reluctantly, he released her and straightened her BDUs as she smoothed the front of his uniform.

"I will...You may want to wipe the lipstick off, pink is not your shade." She wiped the soft pink hue off his lips and held him a second longer before letting him go. "Harm?"

He had opened the door and was halfway out when her voice made him stop and turn back to her. "Mac?"

"I love you too." They still had a few things to discuss but, for now, her world stopped spinning.


	5. Chapter 5

Ever think that Mac and Harm should have shared a bed in Russia? Yep, me too! Especially with that night gown she had on. ;)

CHAPTER 5 - TO RUSSIA WITH LOVE

Mac was laying in bed watching Harm with interest as his body rested against an over-sized chair in the corner of their tiny room. He was staring intently at a photo - one of him with his father taken several decades earlier. She saw the anguish in his eyes and a pain that had haunted him for years.

The plan to head to Russia with him had been her doing and Mac was thankful that Chegwidden had approved. Harm needed backup and an impartial party to whatever personal mission he was on.

With a sigh, Harm put away the picture and tried to settle into the chair. It didn't recline but, he'd slept in worst places. His mind was churning so much, sleep was doubtful. With a groan he shifted to the side but found no comfort.

"The bed is big enough for both of us, you know?" Mac stated breaking the silence in the room. She slid slightly over and made space on the full sized bed. "I promise, I won't bite.

"You're sure?" Harm sat up and stared at her. The woman was always surprising him, especially that night when she'd walked out of the bathroom wearing a long, white nightgown that caressed her skin in all of the right places. She looked desirable and Harm had to keep himself in check. Mac had always been attractive to him from the beginning, it just took him some time to immediately think of Diane when she walked in the room. Once Diane's death had been put to rest, his feelings for Mac started to change drastically.

He noticed things he hadn't before, the subtle way her perfume lingered when she left his office. The way she would touch his arm when they were alone. He loved the way she arched her brow when he'd done something to irk her and a smile that he swore she shared only with him. The woman was intelligent, strong, capable and the best friend he'd ever known. She'd protected him when he was a fugitive and now, she was on this crazy mission to the unknown.

"Harm, I slept in your arms in the middle of the woods with a bullet lodged in my leg. We'll be fine."

Harm knew she had a point and before his mind could convince him otherwise, he made his way over and plopped down next to her laying on top of the sheers. "Thanks. My back is killing me"

"Good night." She turned to her side, facing away from him and trying to find sleep that would not come. Mac's mind was churning both from the thoughts of the danger they'd likely be in and the feelings she'd been repressing for her partner. She'd always found him attractive, with a killer smile and a body that fit his military attire so well. He was charming as much as he was arrogant and Mac found that she liked the combination although his arrogance often irritated her. He was noble to a fault and the one person that could challenge her. Harm was her friend, her best friend and she loved him dearly.

And that is where things started to blur. Mac had begun to feel something for him less than friendly. She was aware of how desirable he'd become to her and enjoyed the flirting they often engaged in. Did he feel the same? And if he did what...

"Why did you come Mac?" Harm said suddenly, cutting the silence in the room. He had tried to sleep but, the thoughts of the woman next to him were all consuming. When she'd crept into his heart, he couldn't say but it was disconcerting.

"Because I care for you… A lot. I need to make sure you are safe." _And because you've fallen for him._ Mac thought to herself knowing that her persistence on accompanying him was done so out of love and not the friendly kind.

"Your a good friend." He said and stared at her back and the slightly bare skin exposed to him.

 _Friend._ His comment stung a little. Didn't he feel the same as she? Didn't he want to bridge that gap? "Just a friend?" She turned on her side to face him.

"My _best_ friend." Harm said in earnest knowing it was true. He'd had close friends before but, none with which he could share so much of himself with. "I trust you with my life."

"What about your heart?" The words came out before she could stop them and instantly, Mac regretted them. The look in his eyes changed to something she couldn't put a finger on. She felt him pull away, the moment broken by her comment. "I-I'm sorry, never mind…Good night." She turned back to the opposite side, facing away from him again and shutting the lamp off. She wanted the darkness to swallow her whole

Harm reached across, almost squashing her as he turned the lamp back on. "Mac, what did you mean by that?"

"Forget it, Harm… just get some rest, I have a feeling we're going to need it." She shut the light off again, hoping to put an end to the conversation, praying he would fall asleep and forget about it in the morning.

"No." But, he wouldn't be deterred and reached across again to turn on the light. Harm sat up in bed, resting against the headboard with his arms folded across his chest. "Why did you ask me that?"

"Harm, I"m tired. We need to sleep, can't you just drop it?" She insisted knowing he wouldn't let it go. The man could be pig headed that way.

|  
"Tell me"

With a huff, she sat up and glanced at his ever expressive eyes. "I picked the wrong time for this it's just that…We don't know what to expect out here...Things can get sketchy as hell, I don't want things to go south without you knowing that… that I have feelings for you."

Harm felt his heart start to race and tighten all at once. "What type of feelings?

"I think you know." A blush crept into her cheeks and Mac sighed. This wasn't the time for this.

"Yeah, I think I do." He gave her a soft smile before stretching over her again and shutting off the lights. Harm pulled her to him, enveloping her in his arms. "Let's make it out of here safe and sound and we'll talk about the future when we find my dad."

"The future? I like that." Mac said, snuggling into him. "Harm?" She said in the darkness, as she felt Harm's body relax.

"Yeah, Mac?" Harm murmured.

"I love you." And then Mac leaned in and kissed him.


	6. Chapter 6

Mac felt the air rush out of her much as if she'd been punched in the gut.

 _What can I say, Harm? Welcome to the brotherhood._

She couldn't have heard that right; Harm can't be in the CIA. He couldn't leave JAG. He couldn't leave _her_. In a rush, she hurried down the hospital halls and out to the gardens. Her chest was hurting somewhere around the area of her heart and Mac pressed her palm against it hoping it would stop the ache.

"Oh, God. What have I done?" The vice in her chest tightened more and she slipped into a bench thankful that there was no one around when she began to cry. She buried her face in her hands as sob after sob wracked her body.

 _There will never be an us_. Words, her words echoed inside her mind. They had seemed right at the time as a way to push Harm into admitting what he wanted from her. Instead, it increased the divide between them and now it was too late to take it back.

The flight back to Washington had been tension filled and aweful. So was their interaction when arriving at JAG before facing the Admiral. Harm wouldn't speak to her and try as she might, Mac just couldn't find the words to set things straight. The hardest blow came when Chegwidden refused to let Harm back. It had been her fault, all because she accepted that stupid mission with Webb. And now, she was really losing him to the same agency that practically hung her and Webb out to dry.

"Mac?" She heard Harm's concerned voice. Oh God, no. Life couldn't be so cruel. When Harm sat next to her, she wanted to disappear, to sink into some oblivion where he wouldn't find her in tears. The last thing she wanted was to be in his presence like this when she felt so vulnerable and heartbroken. "Mac, what's wrong?"

He sat next to her for a few minutes until her sobs had stopped and her eyes met his. It hurt him to look at her, the eyes of a woman that he loved. It destroyed him to know that she didn't feel the same. "Why the CIA?" Harm stared at her for a moment, confused at how she could know - his joining the agency had been so sudden. "I was coming to see Clay. I overheard. Why the CIA? Why not fight for your job at JAG?"

"Because there is nothing left to fight for." Harm said and stood up abruptly, folding his arms across his chest. "Chegwidden made it crystal clear that I'm not wanted… And you..."

"I made a mistake and I don't even know how to begin to ask you for forgiveness."

Harm stared at her incredulously. "A mistake? That's what you call the words you told me? A mistake? Never isn't a mistake, Mac. You meant what you said, I could see it in your eyes."

He was right, she had meant them only Mac couldn't have thought it would lead to this. "We weren't acting like ourselves. I… I don't know why I said it."

"Bullshit. Look Mac, I gotta go…Go see Webb, he was asking about you." As much as it pained him, he had to let her go and find a new way to live in a World without Sarah MacKenzie.

Mac stood then, coming to stand just in front of him and stopping his retreat. "No Harm."

"Mac, get out of my way." He tried to move around her when she brought her hands up to cup his face. Any resistance fell away when Mac kissed him. It wasn't a simple peck on the lips but, one filled with longing. He tasted the saltiness of her tears and couldn't help but kiss her back.

She felt his arms come around her, pulling her to him. The hard planes of his body felt good pressed up against her and Mac's arms wrapped around him in effort to keep the contact.

Mac was breathless when he let her go, loosening his grip and stepping away. "What just happened?" His eyes were glazed over and try as he might, Harm couldn't seem to remember why he was angry with her.

She stepped towards him, closing the space that he had created. She would take a chance on him again and pray that Harm wouldn't break her heart again. "I kissed you."

Harm took a step back, her proximity making his thoughts jumble. "Yes but, why?"

Like a big cat stalking her prey, Mac stepped forward again, her hands coming to rest on his chest. "Because… I'm in love with you... and I don't want to lose you."

"But, in Paraguay… you and Webb.. I saw...?"

"I don't love Webb." She interrupted. "I love you." She looked up at him with fresh tears in her eyes that he wiped away. "I'm sorry for what I said. We were acting like strangers...Said so many hurtful things... I just… I thought that both if us needed a clean break...I was wrong."

"Oh, Mac." Harm pulled her to him and held her in a fierce embrace. "I saw you kissing Clay and I thought I'd blown my chance."

"Webb can't hold a candle to you." She sank into his embrace and rested her head against his chest. They didn't speak for a while, merely held onto each other, thankful to he a live.

"For a moment I thought Sarah and I had something." Clay said, standing at the double glass doors which led into the hospital. He had Catherine Gayle in tow who had helped him walk outside to get fresh air.

She smiled at the sight before her glad that her efforts had reunited the pair. Harm had bent his head down and kissed Mac. They seemed oblivious to anything else going on around them. "Would you give up your career for a woman?"

"No." Webb said without hesitation although he harbored some feelings for Mac.

"He did." Catherine motioned to Harm before taking Webb's arm and escorting him back to his room.


	7. Chapter 7

Okay, seriously, they should have Kissed during "In Country"...Let's fix that. ;-)

"We need to stop, Mac." Harm said on a huff as he leaned against a rock. He shifted the rifle, using the sling to push it to the side as he pulled out his canteen and took a long drink. "I can't keep this pace."

"Too old for this, pappy?" Mac quipped and got an annoyed grin as a response.

"It's my knee, the one I hurt that night." He didn't have to elaborate, Mac knew very well that he was referring to the night of her rehearsal dinner.

"Understood… I'm sorry."

"Not your fault." He pushed himself off the rock and stared up at the ridge they were climbing. "Let's try to get over this hill and find a place to sleep. How many hours til sunrise?"

Mac thought for a second before rattling off, "Five hours and twenty minutes."

Fifteen minutes later they were situated on the ground, Harm wrapped around Mac using body heat to stay warm as they had hours ago. "I think we're okay here."

"So long as we don't share a bed with scorpions." She stared at his face noticing the scratches that he had all over. Carefully, she traced under one of the cuts and frowned. "Do they hurt?"

"Do yours?" He took her hand and studied the bandage that he'd wrapped around her hand hours earlier after an impromptu bomb strike nearly killed them. There were blood stains on the bandage but, it wasn't seeping through.

"Hurts like a bitch." She said with a shrug and then snuggled close to him. For several minutes they held each other in silence, Mac's head began churning about the night Harm almost died in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. It was the catalyst that ended any hopes of a marriage with Mic. Now, nearly a year later, Mac knew she was at peace over it. "We never talked about that night."

No, they hadn't. It was just too easy to ignore it all and pretend it didn't happen. "I'm sorry I wrecked your marriage."

"No you're not… You never liked Mic." Mac said on a chuckle.

"He was fine until he was on your scent like a dog. After that, no, I couldn't stomach him." Harm wanted to like him, he did, just not when he started pining after Mac like a lovesick puppy. They had no history together, no depth.

"Harm?"

"Mmm."

"Do you still see me as a desirable woman?" She bit her lower lip after she asked wondering if the past year had cause an irrevocable damage to a possible relationship with him. They had gone back to the beginning and things were better. She'd gotten her friend back but, selfishly wanted more.

"Always…" He murmured sleepily.

"Because I think you're pretty desirable yourself."

That had him waking up. He shifted in her arms and tilted her head up to look at her. "You what?"

"I think you're desirable." She was grinning like a Cheshire cat, heart beating a rough staccato as she laid her feelings out for him. "No matter what I try, I can't stop wondering about us." On a sigh, she leaned forward and kissed him. It was a soft, barely there kiss and she shyly pulled away. "Sorry… I just, don't want to spend the rest of my life wondering… And I don't wanna live without you."

"I don't either, Mac… I thought you needed more time." Although, how much time did she need? They were both single and lately, things seemed to fall into place. Harm was just never sure when to make a move or if it would destroy their friendship if he did.

"Not anymore. I'm okay now… And I just...I want to be with you."

"Thank God." Harm's lips took Mac's in a long, soul searching kiss that left her breathless.

Mac's head was spinning and the electricity that sizzled between them for years burned white hot. He pulled her onto him, hands pressing her roughly against him. She stopped him abruptly before things got too out of control. "Woah sailor. As much as it pains me, I'm not interested in doing the horizontal mambo out in the middle of the desert."

Harm's lust filled brain reminded him where they were and with a groan, he released his hold on her. "Our timing…"

"Is just right…" She cut him off and placed a soft kiss on his lips. "I just want our first time to be in a big, comfy bed."

That comment had Harm grinning like an idiot. "Mine or yours?"

"We'll flip for it."


	8. Chapter 8

READY OR NOT - This is the episode where Mac is on the bench. I thought that scene in the break room needed a little sprucing up before friggin' Tiner (I swear the man had a GPS tracker on Harm and Mac if they were ever alone!) barged in... Wrote this quickly at work... SHHHH!

...

"Most of all Mac, you know the law and I hate you for it." Harm started with a sheepish grin. She'd all but obliterated his antics in the courtroom and he wasn't surprised. After years of going toe-to-toe she'd learn to read him like a book. It's what made them great partners and even better adversaries.

Mac smiled at him. "I'll take that as a compliment."

"Just remember that magnanimity when I am on the bench, okay?" He poured her a cup of coffee and leaned against the cabinets watching as she stirred creamer and sugar into the brew. They had been good as of late and Harm found himself thinking about her constantly. "How about dinner with me tonight? Consider it a peace offering just wear something nice."

She raised a brow at him and glanced down at her uniform as if something were out of place. "Something nice?"

"Uh, well… yeah, you know, a dress or something." He fumbled with his words and recovered quickly when she shot him a look that he couldn't quite read. "I-I mean.. It's not like you don't normally dress nice but… ah but, you know.. Something a little _nicer_ like a dress or something."

Yep, the man had lost it and Mac briefly wondered if she'd been too hard on him. She placed the mug on the counter top and folded her arms across her chest. "Are you asking me out on a date or something?" At least, that is what it sounded like to her and though she kept her poker face, Mac was giddy at the thought.

"Uh, yeah. I thought that's what I was doing." He grinned at her shyly and continued to sip his coffee, watching over the brim as Mac unfolded her arms and turned away from him. She said something low, something he didn't quite catch. "What was that?"

"I said, it's a wonder you're still single."

"What's that supposed to mean?" He asked defensively.

Mac snorted and shook her head, "You didn't actually ask me out, Harm. You just told me we're going to dinner and to wear something nice."

"Oh." She may have had a point but, when it came to Mac, he wasn't even sure how or where to start. He figured, it would start as a platonic dinner between friends at the new, French bistro in Georgetown followed by dancing or a movie. It had been so easy to woo his past girlfriends, Harm never really thought how much work he needed to put into Mac. "I uh, I guess.. After the JAG-A-Thon, the last few months have been… nice. I just assumed we'd take the next step."

But, when Mac just stared at him Harm felt his resolve start to waver. "So, I'll pick you up at 8?"

"No." Her statement was firm and simple.

"Good. Wait. What?"

"No." Mac said, adding more emphasis to the word.

Harm had never been turned down by a woman he was pursuing and this just through him for a loop. "Well why not?" He whined out and stared at her incredulously. The last few months they'd been flirting, _a lot_. And unless he completely lost his touch with women, that kind of flirting meant something, didn't it?

At his obvious disappointment, Mac couldn't help but crack a grin. There was nothing more than she loved than making him squirm. A flustered Harm had to be the cutest thing she'd ever seen. "Because you didn't really ask me out, flyboy." She pointed out, her grin going up in wattage as realization hit him. "Not all women fawn at your every word."

"You need to hear the words?" He stated, realization hitting him like a ton of bricks. Mac wasn't his typical conquest - she wasn't a conquest at all. This was the woman he'd been fruitlessly in love with.

"I'm afraid so."

"You're enjoying this too much." And he found that he was too - the banter that they'd always engaged it.

"I am." She grinned at him and watched as he took a deep breath and placed his mug next to her on the counter top.

Harm came in close to her. He seemed almost nervous. "Sarah MacKenzie, will you go out to dinner with me tonight? On a date. A date, date."

He was close enough to kiss and had it been another place other than the break room, she may have put him out of his misery. "I'll consider it." Mac said, still teasing him as she leaned in almost a breath away.

"Oh, c'mon Mac! Give a guy a break here!"

"You can't just expect me to drop everything and go out with you tonight, can you? I had plans - my hair to wash, my bones to clean."

"Are you seriou… you're messing with me." Harm studied her for a moment, realizing he was being played and falling for her trap. God, he loved their banter.

"Absolutely and yes I would love to join you tonight." Without preamble, she leaned in and brushed his lips with hers breaking away before Tiner entered the break room.


	9. Chapter 9

Another quick one I wrote while at work waiting for a meeting... This probably wouldn't have happened but, Harm was leaving anyway, I say why not? ;)

Episode is: Goodbyes  
Takes place as Harm is leaving JAG.

.. . . . . . . ..

Harm held onto the box with his belongings, amused with how his work life could fit into such a neat little box. He strutted out of the bullpen and into the elevator looking through the glass doors of the bullpen to find his friends staring back at him. It tugged at his heartstrings a bit but, when his eyes settled on Mac as the elevator door began to close, he felt like he couldn't breathe.

Being a Naval Aviator was all he wanted in life, to follow in his father's footsteps, serve his country and, eventually, land his own command. His time at JAG, while enjoyable, had been a bit of a fall back position, a way to retain his commission and do something good.

He didn't intend to fall in love. "What?" He said to himself, slowly stepping out of the elevator once it had reached the bottom floor. _What does love have to do with anything?_

Harm's own words echoed through his brain. "Did I really tell her that?" He cringed at how it might have sounded, at what she may have thought. Numbly, he walked out of the doors to JAG ops and through the parking lot to his waiting SUV. He could feel eyes on him, staring, eyes he knew belonged to her. With a sigh, Harm glanced up at Mac's window.

She pressed a palm against the pane and offered a watery smile. Her whole world had been turned upside down and she couldn't quite stop it from happening. Mac loved him, had for sometime now but, couldn't quite find the words to tell him so. Something was always in the way and this year had left her with enough bumps and bruises to last a lifetime.

It was true, Mac knew how much flying meant to him, it gave Harm a closeness with his father that nothing else would. This year had been one of closure for him and this would be the final chapter. She was happy for him, thankful that he got another chance at doing what he loved most. But, why did it have to hurt her so damned much? Why did she have to fall in love with him?

 _I have so much I wanna say to you but, I can't find the words._ Harm stared up at her, holding her gaze with a fierce intensity. She couldn't know that after leaving her apartment some nights ago that he stood outside, intent to knock again, to have her listen to reason. She couldn't know that he'd overheard Chloe mention that Mac was in love with him.

He saw her mouth "Bye" and give him a wave before turning away from the window. She had to know that this he wasn't choosing his career over her, that she would always be in his life.

With a renewed resolve, Harm headed back into headquarters, bounding up the stairs and back into the bullpen. That's where he found her, file in hand talking to none other than Mic Brumby. "Harm, back so soon? Did you forget something, mate?"

"Yes, this." He stepped between the two of them, took Mac's face in his hands and kissed her soundly.

At first, Mac thought she was dreaming, it was the only place Harm had ever kissed her, really kissed her. But, when he pulled her closer and hands snaked around her body, Mac knew it was real. The file she was holding fell to the floor and she held onto Harm for dear life

The bullpen came to a complete halt and even Admiral Chegwidden stood off to the corner, mouth agape at an interaction he hoped would happen in his lifetime.

"Wait for me, Sarah. How ever long it takes, just wait for me." Harm asked her before kissing the corners of her mouth and stepping away.

"I will. Harm, I lov…"

"I know, I do too." He stopped her, despite their little PDA show, he didn't want to have that conversation with her out in the open for everyone to hear. "I'll call you when I get to the Henry." He kissed her again, just a quick peck before turning on his heal and stepping out of JAG Ops again.

"Carry on, people, show's over." Chegwidden said before turning to Mac and giving her an approving smile.


	10. Chapter 10

On the drive to work - this idea popped into my head. LOL! Always thought this interaction with Harm and Mac was cute. Let's make it cuter.  
 **ODD MAN OUT - BREAKROOM**

"Please Harm, I wanna go and as your best friend, I will be forever grateful if you take me." Mac was giving him _that_ smile, the one that would light up a room in ways he really could not explain.

"Pretty good." He said with his flyboy grin in place, hiding the fact that his view of the Superbowl would be from an F14 Tomcat as he flew over head.

"Really?" Her smile grew in wattage only to fade to irritation when Harm stated that Sturgis had said something similar.

Harm made to walk away, coffee cup in hand and flyboy grin still in place when some idea fluttered into his mind. It was devious, he knew but, curiosity and mild amusement made him wonder if Mac would react. "You know, I'll give you another shot." He turned on his heel and leaned against the counter.

Mac sparked up at his return and smiled sweetly at him. "What did you have in mind?"

"A kiss." He stated, unable to hide the smirk that spread on his lips.

She raised a brow at his suggestion and pondered the request for a few seconds before stepping up to him and placing a quick, chaste peck on his lips. "There." Mac stood in front of him, hoping his request would secure her a trip to the Superbowl. In all honesty, she didn't give a damn about the game merely the chance to spend time, out of the office, with her best friend.

"That's it? Aren't Marines supposed to storm the beaches?" He dared her, knowing full well she would step away and probably smack him playfully in the arm. Harm could never expect what came next.

"Alright, flyboy." Mac placed her coffee mug on the counter top and brought her hands up to his face, pulling him down to kiss him. She locked her lips against his, tongue running over the seam of his lips and pushing in to play and dance with his own. Her arms came around his neck, pulling him closer until she heard sexy moan come from him. Once she broke the kiss, she placed one final, chaste peck on his lips and then stepped back to grab her mug of coffee and settle against the counter with an innocent smile. "So, what's the verdict?"

Harm just stood here, mouth agape, brained turned to absolute mush. This wasn't happening, not there, not at work, not between them. They were friends, _best friends._ A best friend he was in love with and by the way that she'd kissed him... you just didn't kiss someone _that_ way if you didn't _feel_ something for them right? And he felt something for her, a slow burn which was currently a raging inferno. Without a word, Harm bridged the small space between them, took the mug out of her hands and placed it on the counter before placing his hands on either side of her, trapping Mac. He stared at her hungrily, eyes taking a predatory sheen before his lips crashed onto hers.

He kissed her thoroughly, passionately, hands coming off the counter to wrap around her slender frame. Harm molded her body against his and shuttered at the way she softly moaned against his mouth. She gave as good as she got and lost herself in the passion that she felt for him. Once he broke the kiss, Mac's eyes fluttered to his own matching his same expression. "Oh, wow." She said softly and held his gaze for a moment too long.

"Wow is right." Harm was at a loss of words, unsure what to say or do. "Uh, Mac..."

"Do I need to send someone to chaperone the two of you in the break room?" Both officers muttered a curse as Chegwidden came up behind them. Mac tried to snap to attention but, Harm still had her pressed against the counter, his leg between her thighs to hold her upright. Harm helped her stand and spun on his heel to face their commanding officer which was sporting an amused grin.

"S-sir, I was trying to persuade the Commander to allow me to accompany him to the Super Bowl." Mac said, hoping to smooth over the situation as Harm was still at a loss for words.

Chegwidden merely rolled his eyes. "I take the Commander forgot to mention to you that his attendance at the Super Bowl would be from an F14?"

Mac turned to Harm leveling him with a look that could kill. "You jerk!"

"Hey! I never said I had _tickets_ , everyone just assumed and I..." Harm tried to defend but, it was useless.

"Just keep the PDA out of the office." Chegwidden said after refilling his cup of coffee and stepping out of the break room. "Oh and Commander?" He stepped back in and pointed at Harm. "Pink is really not your shade."

Harm turned back to Mac who was trying to hide her amusement at the dressing down that never came. "Sorry about that, Mac." He stated with a smirk.

"About the kiss or your omission?... And you better not be sorry about that kiss because..." Her gaze softened and without her consent, her body leaned into his. "I liked it, a lot... In fact, we should do more of it."

"Dinner?" His body too was leaning into hers, stopping only a breath away.

"Pick me up at 7?" Mac asked before her lips claimed his again.


	11. Chapter 11

So, I may take a couple of stabs at Boomerang. I was going to do a full story called "Breaking the Boomerang In Two" but, I didn't have enough to write more than a chapter... So, it works well for these. Oh, these two. LOL!

BOOMERANG

Harm raised his hand poised to knock on Mac's hotel room door. For the past hour he tried to sleep but his mind had other ideas choosing to replay his evening with Mac.

The idea to have dinner at Luna Park had been his shameful attempt at getting Mac to help with his case. She didn't seem to mind and they enjoyed an evening out at the amusement park indulging in foods he normally wouldn't eat. Harm had taken her up on the ferris wheel, sharing a companionable silence when the ride had stopped for several minutes, holding them captive.

Once they were back on the ground, she laughed at his stupid jokes and even joined him for a few midway games. On the ferry ride back, he'd brushed his hand against hers and Mac pulled away as if she'd been burnt - something that she had never done before. There was something in Mac's eyes that Harm couldn't read. She seemed upset, sad even and Harm couldn't help but feel like he'd done something wrong. He escorted Mac to her room and she seemed entirely too eager to leave his side.

Ever since he returned from flying they couldn't quite get their footing and he felt like he was missing more than connecting. They were trying to get the rhythm back, slowly but, surely and then she had to mention going topless around him.

Hadn't she done just that with Mic? Harm wasn't so sure and his attempts to prod into her relationship with the Aussie had left him confused. The look in Mac's eyes when he told her that he wasn't ready gnawed at him as he tried to fall asleep.

Had he missed something when it came to Mac?

She was beautiful, sexy, strong, smart and someone that challenged him. He'd always been careful to shield away his feelings for her - he'd already wrecked one working relationship by becoming intimate with his partner. Only, Mac wasn't Kate, who never sparked these confusing feelings.

For the last few years Harm had found himself dealing with jealousy whenever another man so much as looked at her. His feelings only magnified when Mic had joined their staff a year prior and Harm began to realize he _felt_ something more than friendship for her.

Unable to sleep, he stood at her hotel room door waiting for her to answer. When she opened the door, he found her still wearing her dress, the one that exposed her shoulders and rested just above her breasts. It too had been a source of his sleeplessness - she looked so damned desirable in it. "You're still dressed?"

Mac touched the fabric and shrugged. "I was about to hop in the shower when you knocked. Everything okay?"

"I need to talk to you."

"If it's about the case you can forget it." She said, letting him in and closing the door behind him. "I'm on vacation."

Mac was barefoot he noticed before his eyes scanned around the room and landed on her bed where a white nightgown lay. She'd worn that in front of him before when they were in Russia searching for his father. He remembered how desirable she looked then as well and whatever bravado had brought him to her room died once he was standing in front of her. "It's not about the case."

"What's wrong?" She leaned forward and placed a hand on his forearm, a tender gesture that only seemed to ignite a fire within him.

"I may have royally screwed up with you tonight and I don't know how to fix it." Harm's eyes held her own, darkening to an almost greyish blue.

At his comment Mac was suddenly uncomfortable, he'd all but ripped her heart, trampled it and then acted like nothing was wrong. He even had the nerve to take her on a ferris wheel ride and practically ignore her the entire time. Perhaps she'd taken the wrong approach with him, read the constant flirting all wrong? She felt like such a fool. "May have? That's an understatement." She took a seat on her bed and stared up at him. "Look, I don't want to talk about it. I obviously read the signs all wrong. Let's just consider this a bump in the road and get over it."

Only Harm didn't want to get over it. He wanted another chance to make things right. "Ask me again."

"Ask you? Ask you what?"

"What if I would have said yes?"

Mac sighed, wondering if he had lost his mind. Maybe it was the jetlag? It was the only thing that made sense. "Yes to what?"

"To you going topless around me."

"I ah… oh." She felt her cheeks flush and wished the floor would swallow her whole. Mac figured he would have teased her back, bantered or even kissed her. Harm had merely been cool and rational like he'd been a year prior on the Watertown when she'd tried to discuss her feelings for him - feelings she hoped were reciprocated.

Suddenly the room felt so small and Mac needed to get away from him. She stood from the bed and walked out onto the balcony that overlooked the city only to have Harm follow. "Look, it was a stupid comment. A conversation we were never meant to have."

"What if I would have said yes?"

"Harm…" She tried to warn him to stop but, he merely inched closer.

"Mac, I don't think I understood what you wanted from me… I still don't." He stared at her for a moment, standing by the sliding glass door as she leaned against the railing.

"I don't want to lose you and I think I may have."

"You're never gonna lose me."

"You left to fly…" That fact still hurt and Mac could feel her heart ache at the thought of him leaving again or worse, hating her.

"That's past, Mac." He stepped out beside her then and nudged her playfully. "You're not getting rid of me again."

Mac stared at him for a moment trying to search for the answers in his questioning. "If you would have said yes… I… I don't know… Everytime I think we're ready to talk about us, you push it aside."

"Is there an us?" His heart raced at the possibility and the feelings that he couldn't quite understand suddenly seemed to make sense.

"I want there to be." She said on a sigh and held onto his hand which had threaded itself with hers.

"Not just a one night stand?"

"Is _that_ what you thought?" Mac pulled her hand out of his and resisted the urge to smack him. She wanted to be angry at him but, just couldn't. It would be typical that her flyboy would put honor above all else. "No, Harm, I wasn't looking for a one night stand…I just, I thought it would be easier for the two of us to talk out here without the uniforms and the regulations. I've had feelings for you for a while now and I just...I don't know, I thought you felt the same. God, I feel like such an idiot."

As she was speaking, Mac didn't notice Harm was getting closer, inching his way until he was standing in front of her. His arms had cautiously come around her waist, pulling her body towards his until she was close enough to kiss. "I feel the same way, Sarah." He admitted before his lips claimed her own. Once he broke the kiss, Harm eyed her sheepishly as his fingers traced lazy circles on her bareback. "So, about you going topless?"

Mac couldn't help but chuckle at the hungry look in his eyes. "Is that a request?"

"Yes."


	12. Chapter 12

Yes yes... Another stab at Boomerang... *sighs*

 **BOOMERANG - FERRY RIDE - YES AGAIN. LOL**

"I supposed I should be flattered." Only the look in her eyes betrayed her words. Couldn't he see that she had feelings for him? Feelings that she'd been trying to express to him only to be pushed aside time and time again.

"You should, Sarah." Harm said, hoping she would change the topic of conversation.

Mac stared at him and the deer-in-the-headlights expression that made him seem to want to be anywhere but with her. She should have changed topics and given him and out but, she was on a mission. She needed to know, once and for all, where they stood. "I need to know. Why me? Why are you just this way with me?"

"I've been involved with a co-worker before and things didn't exactly end well….We tore each other apart and eventually, she asked to be reassigned." Although Kate wasn't Mac. He didn't have feelings for Kate, not like the ones he had for Mac that often had his thoughts wandering inappropriately.

"And you assume that would happen to us?"

"You and I were already having problems before I left to fly."

"And I offered to hash it out but, you tabled the conversation. Something about this," She said motioning between the two of them with her right hand, "not being a marriage."

Harm cringed visibly at the thought of them speaking on the Watertown. They were at each others throats, barely able to get work done and the woman wanted to discuss their relationship. "It wasn't exactly the best place to talk about us."

"So you agree there is an us?" She grinned slightly, feeling like she'd won a small victory in regards to him. The man was an enigma sometimes, saying one thing but acting another way.

"I felt like you resented me for dating Jordan." He said suddenly and nearly berated himself for being so open. A year a go he had caught Mac's glances and while they weren't approving, there was a pain in his eyes, a hurt that he couldn't put a finger on.

"And you resent me for not being Diane."

That statement hurt him more than Harm could ever put into words. When he looked at Mac he didn't see Diane and hadn't thought about the other woman for some time. "What? No, Mac. That's not true."

"Okay, so if this is _not_ about Diane and you obviously _don't_ have feelings for me then you have to stop playing the jealousy card each and every time a man shows interest in me. It's not fair. As a _friend_ you should be happy for me not tossing me judgmental barbs."

Mac's words about seeing someone nearly made Harm's heart stop. He'd lived through her relationship with Dalton and the endless flirting with Mic. God, is that why she came to Australia? Was she seeking his approval? "Please don't tell me you came here for Mic."

As usual, he assumed something else and Mac tossed her hands up in frustration. "No, I didn't! And for the record, I wasn't topless. Not that it should matter to you if I…" As usual, their conversations were going in circles never ceasing to stop until they'd sufficiently annoyed each other. Before she could berate him, Mac caught a look in his eyes, one that she had seen before when she was involved with someone else. It wasn't jealousy but, a look of a man that had lost someone he loved. And just like that things began falling into place and she fully understood. It was clear as night and day. "You have feelings for me, don't you?"

The thought made her heart race and the anguish she'd felt moments ago turned to something else. "Mac, I…" Try as he might, Harm couldn't deny it anymore. "Yeah, I do."

"Then why are you pushing me away?" Mac's voice sounded so desperate but, she couldn't help it. She had to know what he saw in her and be prepared to cut her losses if he didn't feel the same.

"I don't wanna jeopardize our friendship." If things ended badly like they did with Kate, Harm knew it would hurt him deeply. Mac was more than a friend to him, she was almost as essential as the air that he breathed. "I don't want to make a mistake and lose you."

"You won't lose me."

"Won't I?" Harm stared at her intently, hoping to convey the fear that he held inside. He hated having his emotions so raw against the surface but, she had to understand, once and for all. "Mac, I am a disaster at relationships. You can do better than me."

"Is that what you think?" At his comment, she wanted to pull him to her and hold him tightly. Did he really believe he was no good for her? If anything, it was the other way around. She stepped close to him then, stopping a breath away. "Harm, I couldn't find anyone better than my best friend." Throwing caution to the wind, she wrapped her arms around his neck finding that any of his past resistance was starting to fade at the nearness of her.

Harm couldn't stop his own arms from wrapping around her waist as some invisible force seemed to be pulling him closer to her. "Mac…" He wanted to object, to push her way before things spiraled out of control.

"I am unequivocally and irrevocably in love with you." Mac whispered against his lips before kissing him softly. She half expected him to pull away again but, instead his arms tightened around her as he kissed her back with fervor.


	13. Chapter 13

Remember when Harm was a fugitive and he came to Mac? The morning after he was massaging her back until AJ interrupted by leaving Mac a message on her machine. Yeah, we fix that... this one is a little sexy.

 **PEOPLE VS. RABB**

Harm sat up straighter in Mac's armchair hoping to stretch out his back that was now starting to ache. He'd come to her apartment last night as a fugitive, escaped from the brig seeking her help in hopes to discover where his father had been taken. He hoped the information would also clear his name and stop whatever game the Russians seemed to be playing with him.

He knew Mac wouldn't send him away, he'd done the same for her if the roles were reversed. Diligently, she had searched through a Russian/English dictionary hoping to come up with the meaning of words she wasn't familiar with. She'd translated most of the documents he'd been given, a task that was difficult given the specific words used on the dossier.

She figured it wouldn't take too long and never imagined that, hours later, they would still be at it, opting to sit on the floor so that could lay out the documents on her coffee table. With a groan, she brought her hand to her neck, squeezing the tense muscles that had bundled up from her bad posture and tedious work.

Almost immediately, Harm had noticed her discomfort and crossed over to the sofa to sit directly behind her. He replaced her hands with his and began to diligently massage the knicks at her neck. "Oh, that feels good." She said, her voice soft and breathy as his hands continued to attack her tight muscles.

Harm found a rather large knot and began to rub his hands vigorously over the spot. "Yeah, about right here?"

"Oh yeah. Don't stop." Mac's voice had taken on a totally different timbre and Harm couldn't help but grin at the sounds she was making. A throaty moan of pleasure escaped her lips and made him wonder if that's how she sounded when she made love.

His hands had slowed down some, the vigour leading the way to a softer, lovers touch. Harm's hands and slipped underneath the collar of the sweater she wore, her skin feeling so soft and warm. She sighed at his touched and leaned back against his legs causing his hands to slip down over her chest. He kneaded her breasts gently for a moment and when Mac let out a gasp, Harm pulled his hands away as if he'd been burnt. _What the hell were you doing?_ He thought to himself and waited for her to kick him out. "I'm sorry, Mac."

Mac sat on the floor skin electrified by his touch that she found herself missing. She'd been attracted to Harm for sometime now but, it was much more than that. With a sigh, she heaved herself off of the floor and came to sit next to him. There was a concerned look in his eyes, a fear of rejection that she wanted to erase. "I liked having your hands on me." She said boldly and as she liked her lips to moisten them, she found his eyes mesmerized on her mouth.

Taking his hand, Mac brought it back to her breast urging him to continue his previous ministrations which he did with a gentle care. Harm leaned into her, stopping only a breath away when he heard her whisper, "I want you." And then he came completely undone.

They practically tore the clothing off each other, desperate to touch naked flesh that they'd each been fantasizing about for over a year. There was no want or need for foreplay and they made love almost desperately right there on her sofa. During their union, Mac couldn't help but think that this would be the first and only time - if he were convicted he'd be jailed, a thought that brought a tear to her eye. Would she be able to see him again, to hold him again to make love to him again? This couldn't be the one and only time.

Her tears made him stop and concern clouded the desire he had for her. "Mac?"

"It's okay." She urged him, wrapping a leg over his hip as he brushed the tears away. "Please don't stop… I want this, I want you."

Hours later, they still lay on her sofa both asleep and wonderfully sated with a throw covering them. Harm was on his back, head propped up against the arm rest and Mac was splayed across his body, head on his chest. He had an arm wrapped possessively around her body, holding her tightly to him.

The ringing of her phone forced Harm to wake up and an unmistakable voice crackled to life on her answering machine. "Major, this is Admiral Chegwidden. PIck up if your there, please. Call me ASAP, especially if you hear from Commander Rabb. That's an order, Major!"

"If you can, reach over and hit delete." Mac said suddenly, before snuggling herself impossibly closer to him. She hadn't opened her eyes, merely wanting to stay cocooned in his embrace. The fit well together, she found and smiled when his arm tightened around her.

Harm let out a breath he didn't know he was holding, "You disobeying a direct order?"

Groaning, Mac slipped up his body and Harm turned them so that they could lay side by side. She had a mischievous look in her eyes and he couldn't help but chuckle when she said. "I am not in the Corps anymore, remember?" She nibbled at his jaw, enjoying the feel of his five-o'clock shadow on her lips.

"Do we need to talk about this?" It was a stupid thing to say on his part considering how comfortable they seem to be with each other. But, he needed to know where they stood and that this was definitely not a one night stand.

"I think it was going to happen anyway." The attraction between them seem to only magnify as the months had passed. She hadn't really realized that it was not one-sided until Harm's jealousy for Dalton manifested itself. The Porsche was certainly not a Tomcat.

"You have a boyfriend." He couldn't help his insecurity but, the fact that she had left JAG for Dalton Lowne spoke volumes to him. He still hadn't gotten over her departure and doubted he ever would.

" _Had_."

She was kissing his jaw again, trailing kisses to his lips when Harm stopped her. "You broke up with him?

Had she? Not exactly but, Mac hadn't exactly been with Dalton ever since she joined his firm. She felt seduced and used like a sort of trophy wife to the high profile attorney. "I am not sure what is going on with us. All I know is that I'm not happy." She sighed sadly, "I got seduced by him. The money, prestige, my name in gold on the door. I left a place I love for money. Does that make me a horrible person?"

"No, Mac, it makes you human. Not gonna lie, I was jealous of the guy. Had I gone into civilian law, that could have been me." Had he gone into civilian law he would not have met Mac and that was something he wouldn't trade for the World.

"I don't love him." She said suddenly and then leaned in to brush her lips over his. "I love you."

"Come back to JAG… I'll put in a good word for you." He said with a smile as his fingers began to dance over her naked flesh. "I have to go but, I really don't want to." He said with a sigh. "Pretty sure they'll send someone here and the last thing I need is you involved." But, he couldn't move, he was mesmerized by the sadness in her eyes. He kissed her again, slowly, trying to commit her touch to memory before he pulled away from her.

After he dressed, Harm took the documents that she had translated and gripped them tightly. "Just so you know, I love you too, Mac." He said, before leaving her apartment.


	14. Chapter 14

I believe Harriet interrupted a Hallmark Moment after JAG-A-Thon. Let's fix that… ;)

 **JAG-A-THON**  
Harm had managed to catch Mac, just barely despite the interruptions and an on-course tete-a-tete with a so called 'medic.' He had pushed his body to the limit, running as hard as he could until he caught her. He didn't want to compete with her but, the events of the previous day had lit a fire under him.

It wasn't about winning, it was about catching her, stopping her from running away. And somehow, they had crossed the finish line together. "I don't know why we couldn't work things out with us, Harm." He stared at her for a moment, breathing hard as he tried to catch his breath. "So where does that leave us?"

Us? Hadn't she told him in the Guadalcanal that there was no 'us'? He heaved a breath and swallowed hard. If the last day was an indication, there was no 'us' just an estranged pair of friends. "I don't know, Mac. At the end, I guess." His heart tightened when he said it hoping that it it wasn't true and that the woman that he loved more than anything wouldn't slip away so easily.

Mac's chest heaved and she too felt her heart tighten. The last two years had been a colossal disaster and mostly her doing. She'd read the signs wrong and got caught up in the wrong man. She almost lost Harm because of it. Despite how unsettled things were, Mac couldn't help but notice one thing - they'd gone full circle. "How about back at the beginning?"

"I'd like that." He said with a smile that reached his eyes. They slowly walked side by side and Harm found a tree to balance on while he stretched out his hamstrings. "I would have given her up for you." He needed to make that clear, "I… I didn't love her, Mac."

Mac was pushing against a nearby bench, getting the kinks out of her calves. His words made her stop and she turned to him with an expression he couldn't read. "You didn't?"

"No...I just I didn't want to be alone when you, you know were with Mic." Harm confessed as he began to stretch out his other hamstring. "I cared for her but, she wasn't you."

"Harm…" If they were starting at the beginning, this wasn't how it worked. She loved him, yes but, this was a conversation for another time. "You don't have to…"

"What I said about your ex's…" He stopped on a breath and straightened out. "I feel that way...I told you to come to me and you just left...I thought I missed something, thought you didn't want me."

Mac flinched as if she'd shot something at him. Damnit, couldn't he see that she had wanted him for years? "I've never not wanted you." She said softly, eyes meeting his own when he turned and faced her fully. "I left because I thought I was getting between you and her..I didn't mean to hurt you."

"You want me?" That realization had him involuntarily moving towards her. He closed the space between them in no time and stood just a few inches. Harm could smell her perfume mingling with sweat and found himself drawn to her more than ever.

"Yes. Harm… Why are you..." His hands framed her face and Mac stood, mesmerized by the look in his eyes. He was going to kiss her, she knew and mounted a protest. "I'm sweaty and gross."

"And damned desirable." And just like that he kissed her, fully, deeply mouth taking her own passionately. He tasted the sweat on her lips and found that he enjoyed it.

Mac's arms went around him, drawing him closer. Her hand involuntarily slid under his shirt to the moist skin of his back. He shuddered at her touch and dropped his hands from her face only to wrap his arms around her. "Wow." She said when they finally came up for air.

"You can say that again."

She brought her hands out from under his shirt and trailed him around to the front, resting them on his strong chest. His heart was beating wildly under her fingers, matching her own rhythm. "In the beginning we were kissing." Mac pointed out with a sheepish grin.

"Maybe we should have been." Harm kissed her again only to be brought back to the present by spectators cheering for another group of finishers. He removed the hands that had, somehow, come down to her six and slid them to the small of her back. "Sorry, getting carried away."

"Don' … I want to do so much more than kiss."

And that is how Harriet found them, Harm's arms wrapped around Mac's waist and her hands resting on his chest. She may have seen them kiss as well.


	15. Chapter 15

It aways pissed me off that Mac went to Webb after Sadik in "Take It Like A Man."  
You know? That episode where she acted so out of control?

I was going to make a seperate fic out of this one (I may still) but, it's been sitting on my hard drive for a few months, gathering dust.

Not exactly a Disruption of sorts but... I am the author, I do what I please in my world.

Mac is going to be just as erratic. This is me in a weird, angsty mood.

 **TAKE IT LIKE A MAN**

Mac was running on adrenaline, heart hammering so hard that she could hear the beating in her ears. "I've been stupid enough to think that you liked the feeling of my hands on you, Sarah." Webb's voice rang in her head, their recent conversation replaying over and over. She wanted him, needed him to feel something more than the rush she felt from killing Sadik Fahd. "You're running on adrenaline, Sarah. Like it or not, it's a rush to kill somebody."

Webb had been right; it had been a rush to take the life of the terrorist that had haunted her for eight months. Now there was a void where that fear had been, a status quo that brought everything back to some normalcy. It made her analyze her life and the fact that she was a sleeping with a spy only because of his link to the very terrorist that had been after her. They'd grown an attachment of sorts, whenever he was in town and she used him as a way to get over her broken heart that lay scattered somewhere in the Chaco Boreal. She used him to feel something other than pain and desperation.

Their relationship was a disaster in the making; an out of control train that was about to wreck at any time. "Things get a little sticky, and you're showing me the door?" And that was the way it had been after they'd returned from Paraguay. All the promise he made during duress disappeared when they arrived Stateside.

"Says the woman who hasn't had one consistent relationship in her entire life. Oh, I forgot, you have Harm."

At the mention of his name, Mac whipped back at Webb, with more fire in her eyes. He didn't understand her relationship with Harm, no one could. "You don't know anything about him."

"I know his being unavailable has given you something to hide behind." He relented afterwards, noticing his mistake a minute too late. Instead, Webb had changed tactics, moved towards her wanting to take what she offered. And suddenly, just his wasn't attractive to her anymore. She pushed him off of her and his rhetoric of being happy.

"You don't have what it takes to make me happy!" She had spat out at Webb and was out of his life two seconds later. She was still on overdrive her emotions so out of control that the thoughts inside her head made her turn away from Alexandria and onward to just North of Union Station.

"Hey Mac." Harm was surprised to find her at his doorstep and it was even more surprised when she stepped into his apartment and kissed him. It wasn't a friendly kiss or a simple peck. Mac had thrown herself at him, lips crashing onto his own in a sloppy kiss. He wanted her, always had and couldn't help but kiss her back. Basic male instinct was refusing to rationalize that this was something so out of character for her.

Somehow, he'd managed to close the door behind them and pressed her against it while deepening the kiss. He wasn't sure how or why she had come to him but, he welcomed it as his tongue ran along the seam of her lips and was granted entrance.

Mac fumbled with his belt, trying to take it off as fast as possible before one of them came to their senses. She wanted him, needed the physical contact and would deal with the repercussions later. What did it matter if he hated her in the morning or if their sleeping together would destroy whatever scraps of a relationship lived between them? She desired him and no doubt sleeping with Harm would ease this inexplicable adrenaline rush. It was coursing through her veins making her act so ereadic.

She silenced the voice at the back of her mind, the one telling her this was a mistake.

Harm bucked against her hand as she slipped it inside his pants and under his boxers. He was hard and ready, wanting her just as much as she wanted him. God, it was happening. He was going to make love to Sarah MacKenzie.

"I need you, Harm. Now." She was bold and demanding and in a haze of lust, Harm hadn't noticed that woman nearly bringing him to orgasm was a shell of the woman he held feelings for.

"God, yes." He breathed out against the nape of her neck as he licked a sensitive spot. "We need to slow down though." Harm realized as her hands on sex was causing him to lose control. His first time with Mac needed to be special, not just some romp against his apartment door.

Mac didn't want to slow down, she needed him inside of her now to calm the raging storm inside. If they stopped or slowed down it would be back to normal. She needed him to take her before they came to their senses. "I need you to fuck me." She continued to stroke him and almost released Harm from his trousers until he stopped her.

It was her words that broke through the haze in his mind. "Mac, stop." His hand came over hers, stilling it as he felt his hardness start to deflate. His brain started to catch up to the rest of him and as he stepped away from her Harm saw that this wasn't his Mac. If he didn't know any better he'd have thought that she was drunk.

But, she wouldn't be deterred and before he could move away too far, Mac stepped forward, placed her hand on either side of his face and kissed him again. "I want you… I need you inside of me." She breathed out in a voice so damned erotic that he nearly gave in.

Harm allowed her to kiss him again, to enjoy the feel of her lips on his and just a quickly as it begun, he stepped away again. "I can't. This isn't you, Mac." Although he didn't mind the dirty talk from women that he was dating, these actions from Mac were odd. Especially considering that she was dating someone else.

"Maybe it is." When she tried to unbutton his shirt, Harm held her at arm's length, hands wrapped tightly around her forearms. He squeezed a little too hard and Mac found that she was enjoying the pain. "I like it rough."

"Mac, stop it!" Harm yelled at her and maneuvered her body until she was seated on one of his bar stools. "What the hell is wrong with you? This isn't you." He stepped away cautiously knowing that if she touched him again, he wouldn't stop her. She'd made his body come to life and all he wanted was to take her in his arms and take her hard and fast… and… "This isn't you."

Mac glared at him for a moment, her desire for him colliding with the anger she felt at his rejection – again. Harm was always rejecting her. "Keep doing what you do, Harm. Keep pushing me away, I know it's easier for you that showing some actual emotion."

"Mac, you're out of control. I don't know what the hell is happening but, you aren't going to bait me."

"Don't presume to think you know a damned thing about me, Harmon!"

"I know you pretty damned well. This isn't you." He glanced at her for a moment, noticing the darkness under her eyes, the lines that had deepened in the last few weeks. There had been a change in her that he hadn't quite noticed until they stepped into the courtroom and suddenly it clicked what the change was. "What did Sadik do to you?"

For a while she sat silently, staring down at his wooden floors and noting a few imperfections and scuff marks. She took a breath and spoke softly, almost in a whisper. What had Sadik done to her? Everything. "More than you can ever imagine."

At her comment Harm felt his heart sink to the depths of his stomach. He'd warned her about the terrorist but couldn't protect her. Dear God, what if… oh no. "Did he… violate you?" The word made him sick. Thoughts of Sadik or any man being violent towards her made him want to kill. It was bad enough that the bastard had gotten a few hits in.

"In a fashion. Not physically." When she thought about it that is exactly what Sadik had done. While he didn't violate her body, he'd crawled into her mind and picked apart every single weakness she had. "I'd better go. I don't know what possessed me to come here."

"Mac, don't. You're hurting, let me help."

The look in his eyes was so sincere and caring was too much for her to bear. He was polar opposites from Clayton Webb. Harm was the one she wanted to he with, the one constant she could depend on even when they were at odds. "I can't. This was a mistake. I shouldn't have come here." She hopped off the stool and headed to his door only to be stopped by Harm, hoping to save whatever dignity she had left. "I'm sorry for this." She couldn't look him in the eye and resolved that it was time to change billets, to get out of both his and Webb's lives for good. "On Monday I'm asking Chegwidden to find me another billet. I can't, I won't do this anymore."

The thought of her leaving hurt in ways he could not fathom. Harm briefly wondered if she felt the same pain, the pang in her heart when he'd returned to fly. "No. I'm not letting you go this time, Sarah." He stood in front of the door, refusing to let Mac leave until he was sure she was alright.

Sarah. Her name on his lips held a different feeling then when others had said hit. It made her heart race and she felt a warmth fill her very being. It reminded her of just how much she loved him and how much she'd hurt him. "Harm…"

"Mac, please. Stay. I'll put on some coffee. We can talk about everything or nothing at all. Just stay."

Mac sighed, she couldn't stay not after what she'd almost done. "He called me a whore and I never believed him until tonight and you… God, what have I done?" She turned away from him then, the notion that she'd tried to seduce two different men in less than an hour weighing heavily. Mac couldn't help the tears that came. She tried to stop them and hide away from Harm's concerned look but, it was no use.

"Oh, Mac." Harm pulled her into his arms, holding her in a tight embrace as she cried. He'd never seen Mac like this, so battered and broken. Where the hell was Webb during this? Why wasn't he comforting her? "It'll be okay." He said softly as he held her.

It took a few minutes for Mac to compose herself and when she did, Harm lead her to his sofa where he joined her sometime later with two cups of coffee. They sat quietly for a while and he grew desperate to know what had happened. He wouldn't push her though.

As Mac sat next to him she found herself feeling a comfort that she never quite got from Clay. She felt safe with Harm. "Sadik wanted me, Harm. I knew he did and I let him look at me. I didn't cover up." She recalled what she'd worn, a white blouse and skirt that while not sexy, it accentuated her curves. "I took my coat off and I dared him to look."

"You wanted to challenge his beliefs." Harm pointed out, knowing what she was getting at. "Did it work?"

Mac shook her head. "I needed to prove to myself that he was just like every other man and not as pure of thought as he claimed to be."

"He resisted you, didn't he?" Harm didn't need to ask. Although Mac was attractive, men like Sadik were immune to the charms of the fairer sex. "It's how they operate, Mac. They reduce women to nothing by making them feel weak."

"He did and turned me into someone that acts on impulse without intellect. I turned into the very monster that he was… I killed him without needing to."

"Mac, he had you captive. You were in danger…"

"My first shot winged him. He couldn't have hurt me. My second shot killed him." She stopped talking for a moment, trying to formulate exactly what she had done. "I didn't shoot him because I thought he would kill me. i shot him for what he was and because…because he hurt someone that I love."

Harm's heart sank as he heard her admission. He had hoped that things with Clay would wither and die but, it was just the opposite. "I hope Clay knows how lucky he is." He lied.

Mac took a deep sigh and decided, for once to tell him exactly what she felt. "I don't love Clay."

"You don't?" He seemed relieved

"No." She placed the coffee mug on the table and then turned to him. "I love you." Mac said the words with conviction, hoping he realized how true they were. "It's always been you." However, Harm didn't say a word merely sat there staring at her. When the seconds stretched on, she felt a familiar grip of fear of a rejection she was sure would come. "Say something."

Only he had no words, they had failed them so many times before when it came to her. Instead, he stood from his chair and sat next to her. Without preamble he kissed her, softly, gently, lovingly. He brought his hands to her face, caressing her skin gently as he teased her lips with his own. "Stay, Mac. I don't want you to go anywhere." He finally said once he broke the kiss.

"I've been with Clay. Just after Sadik died… I was stupid and vulnerable and…"

He silenced her with a kiss but, she just pulled away. "I don't care."

"He was never there, it was just physical. Damnit, Sadik was right, I am weak and I am a whore."

"Stop calling yourself that. You and Webb got together after a very stressful time. I don't like it but, it was natural for you to gravitate towards him."

"Since when are you the rational, level headed one?"

Harm shrugged. "I don't know. The last few months I had a lot of time to think about things and how I should have done things differently… I let you go once, Mac. That isn't happening again."

"You still want me, despite everything that has happened?"

"Only you." And then he kissed her again.


	16. Chapter 16

So, I was rewatching season 4 and this episode struck a chord with me.  
"Dungaree Justice"

It's about female that was raped when her shipmates leave her, at a bar, drunk and alone. The idea had been to "haze" her in a way as welcoming her to their crew - they never expected her to be violated. As revenge and guilt, the shipmates (all male) gang up and beat the man they think is responsible.

Got me wondering what would happen if something like that happened to Mac and what Harm would have done. And yes, I am glad it never did. The writers put their characters through enough crap. Not really a "disruption" of sort but, I may go off course from time to time.

 **** **DUNGAREE JUSTICE - This would occur right after Mac speaks with Seaman Lopez when they are out side in the courtyard.**

"Hey, there you are. The Admiral wants to see us." Harm had been searching for her. She wasn't answering her calls, wasn't in the break room or the library. For some reason, he decided to step out the courtyard where he found Mac sitting at a bench with a far away expression. It troubled him and the smile he wore when he found her faded instantly. "You alright?"

She wasn't. Speaking with Seaman Lopez had made her brain kick into overdrive and consider her own battles with alcohol in the past. She'd been foolish and young once and part of her past had been put on display just a week ago - it disgusted Mac to realize she'd been so stupid. "I'm thinking of stepping away from this one."

"What did the Admiral tell you?" He was referring to a few days prior when they'd been given their caseload for the week and Chegwidden had dismissed Harm but, kept Mac in his office. Harm was sure she received a dressing down, not that he could blame their commanding officer - Mac's attempt to save Farrow's career had put her in hot water. He breathed a sigh of relief that she wasn't in the brig.

She raised her head and stared up at him. "How did you know?"

"He asked you to stay behind and the look on your face…"

"You didn't mention it."

Harm shrugged and took a seat next to her. "I didn't think you wanted me to rehash your trial, Mac. You made some mistakes."

"And the Admiral reminded me of that. He removed my accelerated promotion papers and I can't blame him. I was a lousy Marine."

"For a good reason. You didn't want a good man to take the fall." Although it had pained him to see her so willing to give up her life for another man. He had held it together, being a good friend and defending her to the best of his abilities when inside he was dying. Harm didn't want to imagine Mac having an affair with Farrow and yet, his mind had gone there. He'd always known, he guessed but, the realization hurt.

"Which is why I want to step away from prosecuting those sailors. I can't prosecute them for what they did." Mac was surprised when he didn't automatically stop her. Instead he sat there with a confused expression on his face. "Seaman Lopez could have been me."

Ah, it made sense now, why she'd been so distant the last few days. He knew of her past battle with alcoholism better than anyone, he'd seen it first hand. Still, he couldn't imagine Mac stumbling drunk or worse, passing out in a drunken stupor and being taken advantage of. The thought made him sick. "You would have never done that…"

"But I have. I've stumbled home drunk. I've passed out and not known what the hell had happened only that, somehow, I wound up in my own bed. I've been there... I thought I was clean and that it was over. And then Dalton...You were there." She reminded him and wished to hell that she could take that day back and not been so weak. The fact that she'd allowed herself to be weak for a man she didn't love had confused her. "The things I told you." And that is what had hurt the most, the vile words she spat out at him - the hurt look in his eyes. The disappointment.

"You weren't falling over drunk then, Mac." Harm pointed out.

"That's the point. What if I had a little more to drink and someone had taken advantage of me in the alley?"

"Mac…No." God, he didn't want to go there.

"We've been friends for three years, they'd only known Lopez for a few weeks…" She stared at him and asked an innocent question that held more weight than she could imagine. "What would _you_ have done if that was me and you believed Reardon had raped me?"

An insurmountable anger coursed through his veins at the thought. Harm closed his eyes tightly at an emotion that passed through him so raw he couldn't help the words that came out. "Then I would be in the brig for murder because I wouldn't have stopped at a beating. I'd've killed him."

When he opened his eyes, he found Mac looking at him with a sad expression that made his heart ache. "That wouldn't happen to you, Mac. You have better intuition and wisdom. You're a Marine…" His was going down a mental checklist to validate to himself that she was never going to be hurt in that fashion but, the look in her eyes told him something different. "Has something like that ever happened? Because if it has."

Mac's hand on his stilled whatever anger was threatening to consume him. If she knew better, he was acting more like a man in love than a friend. "No. It's just a hypothetical. . .I know this job isn't meant to be easy but, I just can't chuck my emotions at the door with this one."

He turned his hand over and threaded his fingers through hers. Harm gently gave her hand a squeeze, it was a simple act to tell her he was there and always would be. "What do you need me to do?" He pulled her to him, bringing Mac's head to rest on his shoulder as an arm wrapped around her.

"You're doing it." Mac said on a sigh. She breathed him in, the masculine scent of him and whatever damned cologne he wore that made her want him. Slowly, she pulled away and straightened out her cover that had become askew when he pressed her into him. "You're a good friend, Harm."

"Just a friend?" He asked suddenly, heart racing at the possibility of more. The last few months, after their adventure in Russia they'd become close. Too close. And while he wasn't ready to delve into the intricacies of their relationship while he was searching for his father, Harm was ready now. It took that night in the Sudanese embassy, when she was being held by a madman, for him to realize he was in love with her.

Mac's breath caught at his question and the look in his eyes that was drawing her to him like a moth to a flame. She was surprised when he leaned in and kissed her gently, right there outside of JAG Headquarters. His kiss was soft and gentle making her forget where they were until he pulled away. Mac brushed her fingers over his lips, removing the tint of lipstick and had stuck to him. "I've been wanting you to kiss me forever."

And so he kissed her again, this time a little deeper. Harm pulled her to him not caring who saw but, only wishing to show her want he felt. "I've been wanting to do that for some time, too." He admitted with a sheepish grin as Mac brushed her thumb over his lips again. "I don't care about your past, Mac. I don't care who you were married to or who you dated. I care about the Marine who came into my life and has shaken things up, in a good way…"

She found strength in his words. "Let's finish this case and help get justice for Seaman Lopez."

Harm smiled at her renewed strength and resisted the urge to kiss her again as someone had walked into the courtyard. "Have dinner with me tonight?"

"Yes." She said simply and allowed him to help her up from the bench.


	17. Chapter 17

Killed me to see the look on Harm's face during the final scene of S9's "Trojan Horse" when he tells Mac (reffering to Webb) "If you love him, it really doesn't matter what I want."

Trojan Horse -

"Are you trying to throw me into his arms, Harm? Is that really what you want?" Harmon Rabb was nothing if not predictable when it came to Mac and relationships. She'd been spot on in accusing him of only being interested in her when she was unavailable. It seemed like every chance Harm had he'd mentioned Clayton Webb and played the jealousy card that Mac had become increasingly annoyed with.

"If you love him, it really doesn't matter what I want." Mac stood on the steps, gripping the handrail in a vice grip as she watched Harm turn and walk away. Why was it always like this between them, the desire that crackled and electrified when they were with someone else. She took a breath and ignored the pang in her heart, the notion that he wouldn't fight for her. Harm was far too honorable and much to good to hurt her. Speaking with officer Tanveer, Mac had come to realize more than she ever would - a future with Webb wasn't viable, nor did she want it to be. He wasn't Harm, he would never be Harm. "What if I don't love him?"

Harm had spun around as she managed to weave her way through the maze of the frigate, finding him standing outside of the hatch that lead to the deck and their waiting helo. He had already donned his vest and was holding onto to his cranials. "Mac, I don't want to do this."

"You're not gonna table this again, Harm. I'm not letting you." She was determined this time, despite the personnel around them who suddenly seemed interested in their conversation. Annoyed, she grabbed Harm by the sleeve of his blouse and yanked him urging him to follow.

Harm wasn't sure why he allowed Mac to lead him through the ship and into the legal office. He didn't want to hear about her relationship with Webb or the reasons why they would never work out. He was learning to live with his mistake, the faux pas that had led her into another man's arms. She had closed the hatch behind them, securing the lock before slowly turning to face him. Whatever determination Mac original had faded and she stood there staring at him trying to formulate what she could say to explain.

The office felt tiny all of a sudden and he found himself unable to breathe. With a huff, he made towards the door, pulling her away from it. "This isn't the time or place for this conversation…. We need to get going." He made to extricate himself from this stupid grasp she still held over him and put some much needed space between them. And, just like that, Mac kissed him and any defense he was trying to mount dissipated when her lips met his.

Mac pressed herself against him, kissing him deeply and sending Harm against the filing cabinets that were next to the hatch. She heard him drop the cranials that were still in his hands and felt his arms wrap and tighten around her. He didn't resist her advances merely kissed her back in such a way that it left her breathless. Harm turned them around, pressing Mac into the filing cabinet as his mouth began to trail kisses from her lips to her neck. His fingers made to work on the buttons of her blouse but, he stopped when a call came over the PA. Slowly, he let his hands slide off of her and the stood there just staring at each other.

"I don't love, Webb." There was much more to it than that. Mac hated who she became around the spy, the desperate way she had thrown herself at him just to feel something more than the PTSD that had gripped her. "I can't, not when I'm still in love with you."

At her words, Harm kissed her almost desperately, hoping she would realize he was better for her than Webb could ever be. "Why did you go to him, Mac? Why when you know how I feel about you?"

"Because, I thought you didn't love me." She said softly, her voice sounding so small and fragile.

"Oh, Sarah." Her admission broke his heart. He brushed away the solitary tear that fell from her eye and then kissed her softly. "I do love you, have for sometime… I just…. It was never.."

"The right time, I know." Mac sighed and then leaned her head against his shoulder as his arms wrapped around her in a fierce embrace. "Please don't tell me I've lost you."

"You haven't." He pulled away from her and raised Mac's head up so that she could look at him. "Let's get back home, figure this out, alright?"

"After I break up with Webb." She offered smiling when Harm leaned down to kiss her again.


	18. Chapter 18

So, why the hell didn't the writers just ACKNOWLEDGE that Harm saved Mac during "Silent Service"?

She was dead, pretty much, he brings her back to life... This one is for you Nancy! :D

 **After Silent Service.**

They'd been back for a few hours and Harm had been taken straight to Bethesda in order to assure that Corpsman Hodge hadn't done more damage to his larynx. He still couldn't speak above a gravely whisper and it annoyed him greatly that someone could get the drop on him so easily. It was a stupid move on his part to attempt to speak to Hodge alone but, Harm just couldn't expect the deranged man would attack him. His biggest mistake was calling over the PA for Mac to join him, putting her squarely in Hodge's grasp and in danger.

He sat in the near-darkness of his apartment, holding a glass of single malt scotch that he had yet to sip from. He swirled the amber liquid inside the glass which was illuminated only by the lights from the streets outside. "I'm sorry, Mac." He he whispered, cringing as he recalled how awful they were to each other.

In the last few months after returning from Russia, they had grown close, too close, he surmised as he spent every waking minute thinking about his beautiful partner. She had chipped away at his heart, protected him from himself when his obsession had brought them to the brink of death. Mac had held him when he cried at the knowledge that his father had been shot and killed. She was understanding, non-judgmental and offered a shoulder for him to lean on without needing anything in return. When she was in trouble, he had defended her despite the hurt he held for her failing to tell him she was married.

Their relationship was heading down a path and the thoughts of it moving from friendship to romance terrified him. He'd been there with Kate and hated what it turned them into. The change came, he realized, when Brumby had begun working at JAG and Mac seemed to enjoy his advances. It sickened and annoyed him like a scorned former lover which he was not. So, the thoughts of being in such close proximity with her in a submarine full of gawking males had turned him into an ass. He was inexplicably and unapologetically rude to her - a fact he didn't realize until he almost lost her.

Harm took a sip of the scotch then, wincing when the harsh liquid passed through his injured throat. How the two of them missed the signs that Hodge was a killer was beyond him. Perhaps it was the underlying problem they had? The bumps that they just couldn't get past. The resentment she felt towards him and his not wanting to trust her instincts. All he knew is that they'd both fallen into Hodge's trap.

Desperately trying to escape, he lead Mac, blinded by acid in her eyes, into the reactor room. He couldn't speak to her with the injury to his larynx and tried to guide her through he room full of pipes and machinery as best he could. He found a spot for her to hide and pressed his hands against her, hoping she would understand to stay put as he tried to battle Corpsman Hodge. However, whatever drug Hodge had previously injected into Harm was having an effect and despite his size and strength, the Corpsman soon had him on his back, winded from the fight. Somehow, Mac had found him, slapping his cheeks to wake him up when Hodge had attacked.

He had his bicep wrapped around her in a choke hold, squeezing tightly until she could no longer breathe. It was fate that woke him up. Fate that helped him find the syringe that held some drug that would incapacitate Hodge. He slammed the needle into the other man's back and peeled him off of Mac.

Carefully, Harm took her body and laid it down gently on the deck.

She wasn't breathing.

Immediately he began CPR, breathing for her when Mac's body was devoid of life. Despite his training, Harm's hands were trembling and in his mind he willed her to come back to life. It had only taken a few seconds but, they had felt like an eternity before she took a breath. Quickly, he sat her up, pounding at her back with his hand, urging her body to continue to breathe. She did and the weight of his heart eased as he held her almost desperately. And she too had held onto him, turning in his arms to wrap herself around him in a fierce hug until the crew had found them.

A knock at the door brought him out of his reverie and Harm was surprised to find Mac standing on the other side. "Hey, I came to see how you were." She noticed the darkness in his apartment, the only light coming from the lamp at his desk that he'd just turned on. "I'm sorry, I should have called. Were you sleeping?"

"No, I wasn..." He tried to speak but, the injury to his throat wouldn't let him. It was frustrating to say the least. So he stood there, staring at her.

"I needed to thank you. If you wouldn't have found me when you did..." Mac trailed off, not wanting to think of the alternative. "Can I, uh... come inside?" She was carrying a plastic bag with a white box inside, Tiramisu from his favorite Italian place as a way to thank him.

"Oh." Harm opened the door wider and motioned with his hands for her to enter the apartment. He closed the door behind them and leaned against it as Mac stepped inside. He tried to speak to her but, again his injury stopped him. At the disturbed look on her face, he raised up an index finger, motioning for her to 'wait a minute' as he rummaged through a desk drawer. He produced a notepad and a pen, scribbling quickly as a means of conversation 'I'm OK. Doc says 1 week to heal - no talking. Admiral gave me leave."

Mac read his words and grinned at the thought of a lawyer not speaking. "I got leave as well, a couple of days. I guess we earned it after surviving a battle with Hodge."

'U scared me 2 death.' He admitted, writing his words out on the paper again. 'Thought I'd lose you.' Harm stared at her, eyes conveying more words than he was willing to put onto paper. 'What's in bag?' He motioned at the plastic bag she was still holding.

"Oh, Tiramisu from that place you like. I figured we could use something decadent after the last few days we had."

Harm nodded in agreement. 'U plate. I make coffee'

Several minutes later they sat side by side on Harm's couch in a companionable silence. He put his thumb up in approval for the desert that she'd brought. As he made to taken another bite, he found himself drawn to her mouth and the little bit of cream on her lips which she had licked off. She then filled up her spoon with the dessert and brought it up to her mouth, closing her eyes in pleasure as the flavor assaulted her senses. She savored it much like she savored life he realized and the need to kiss her was suddenly so overwhelming.

"Harm." Mac protested, as he took the spoon away from her. "What are you... Mmmm." Her words were cut off by the feel of his lips on her own. Harm kissed her slowly, carefully licking some of the cream still on her lips. She laughed when he took the spoon and lathered the back with more cream which he pressed to her lips and licked off as well. "Two can play this game." She said, taking his spoon and giving him the same treatment he'd given her.

It was very amusing, very playful and somehow, she wound on Harm's lap with his arms encircling her. She kissed him ardently, forgetting the dessert and drowning in him. She trailed kisses from his lips and over his injured throat, stopping to see the bruising that was still evident. Her fingers delicately caressed the sensitive skin and Mac could help but frown at what Hodge had done to him.

Harm tucked a finger under her chin and moved her head up so he could look into her eyes. "I'm okay." He whispered before pulling her towards him.

Mac lost herself in him. His touch. His kiss. His caresses. She'd been feeling something more than friendship for him since that day at Red Rock Mesa when he'd rescued her and her uncle. Ever since, she'd been smitten but, there was more. She pressed her hands against his chest, feeling the hard muscle underneath his shirt that she longed to touch. Her fingers danced over his skin, moving upwards until she locked her arms around his neck. "Harm." She breathed out softly against his lips when he kissed her again.

It was when his hand began to slip under her shirt and onto her bare skin that Mac came to her senses. She stopped him and stood, putting some distance between them. She was breathing hard, her heart hammering so hard against her chest as the desire he made her feel was still bubbling at the surface. "We can't do this."

Harm stared at her in confusion and whatever delightful magic that had woven between them seemed to snap. It scared him to let her go and never experience what had transpired between them again. Quickly, he took the notepad and scribbled on it. 'I want you.'

Mac snorted at his admission and began pacing the floors like a caged animal. "I do, too. That's the problem. When we were on the Watertown you didn't even want to discuss us."

'Wrong place, wrong time.' He wrote and raised the notepad for her to read it. Only his words seemed to upset her more. 'Couldn't talk about us on a sub. Had to work. Not right time.'

He was right, she knew but, it didn't make it any easier when Harm had dismissed her need to speak to him. "You could have put it another way, you know? Telling me to get over it because it wasn't a marriage...it hurt, a lot."

'I'm sorry.' Harm sighed deeply, wishing he could speak and convey to her what he felt, what he needed her to know. The truth was, he was falling for her, hard and fast. It took nearly losing her to figure it all out for it to click and fall into place.

"I should go…" But, when Mac tried to get her purse, Harm stood and stopped her.

He brought his hands to her shoulders and slowly let them slide down her arms. "Don't… Go." He rasped out. He raised a finger, asking her to wait as he grabbed the notepad began to write again. He wrote quick and desperately, opening his heart out for her which had always been so hard for him to do. He'd never felt like this for anyone before and was trusting that she wouldn't break his heart. 'I'm falling for you. You almost dying made me realize it. Please don't be mad.' Harm slid the notepad towards her and looked at her with sad eyes. If she left now it would be over, he knew - a relationship would not be possible and their friendship would take a hit as well. When she didn't say a thing, he took the notepad from her and scribbled on it again. 'I don't want to lose you, ever.'

"We almost lost each other." Mac admitted. "I don't think I've felt for anyone what I feel for you and it scares me."

'Me too… Take it slow?' He offered raising his eyebrows suggestively, an act that made her laugh. Slowly, he too her purse off Mac's shoulder and placed it on top of his desk. He pulled her towards him and she offered no resistance as she slid into his arms.

"I love you, Harm" She whispered into his ear as he held her in his embrace.


	19. Chapter 19

So, I always found it amusing that we saw two conversations during Chegwidden's dining out. There was, of course, the season 9 cliffhanger where Mac's health hung in the balance and then there was "The Four Percent Solution" where, through flashbacks, we see just how long of a conversation Harm and Mac actually had.

I never thought that Harm had picked the time and place to bring up the baby deal. Despite what we think about Mac and Webb, her boyfriend had "died". I think he needed to be there as a friend and bring up the baby deal some other time. (Mac brings up something of the sort to Dr. McCool) It was a scene that was really well done, heartbreaking but, it showed Harm's desperation and Mac's vulnerability. So, this would be the after... giving a little glimmer of hope.

 **After Hail and Farewell**

On the way to her apartment, they had been quiet. Harm concentrating on the road and Mac staring out the window wondering why she wasn't more greif-striken over Webb's death. She had mourned, somewhat. Gone to Hawaii to bring back his body - a mission that had been futile. She owed it to him for saving her life, for keeping her safe. And maybe that's why she wasn't as hurt as she should have been, it was Webb's fault she'd been put in danger to begin with.

Clay had been her boyfriend, a man that she lo… With a sigh, Mac brushed away the single tear that fell from her eye. She hadn't quite loved him, not in the way she was hoping to. Time would take care of that, she had decided but, seeing Harm every day shook her resolve. It was like being with Mic some years prior. And that was the crux of it all. She loved Mic but, she wasn't in love with him. She loved Webb but, she wasn't in love with him.

No the man she was in love with was navigating across Washington in his Lexus, offering to drive her home after Chegwidden's dining out. He was the only man who had always been there for her, no matter how shitty they'd treated one another. Why she wasn't with him had always perplexed Mac. There was an attraction there an undeniable chemistry that everyone saw but, them. He was the one she trusted above all else. The one that knew all of her dark secrets. Harm was the only man she would follow to a war torn country, multiple times just to have his back. Mac loved him, unconditionally and she always would.

"Here we are." She heard him say as he brought the Lexus to a stop just in front of her apartment building.

Harm wasn't looking at her, he was merely gripping the wheel like a vice and staring out, unable to look at her. She wanted to ask him up, to not be alone with her grief and her thoughts, to just have a friend to lean on. But, her stupid pride wouldn't let her, not after everything he had said earlier. That, despite her being with another man, Harm still wanted to have children with her - he still wanted… what exactly?

"Mac." Harm began after several long minutes had passed. He felt her watching him and opted to try to remove the foot he'd firmly inserted into his mouth earlier.

"Harm, don't. I can't talk about that again tonight."

"Please, just let me say one thing and then I'll shut up." But, his grip on the wheel tightened and the things he'd been thinking about on the drive over bubbled up. Harm wanted to apologize at least, that's how it started. "I'm sorry for what I told you tonight. It wasn't the right time." No, it wasn't - asking the woman you love to have kids with you after her boyfriend died was never a good idea.

"I always seem to say the wrong things around you. I don't know why it is but, you always have me flustered when it comes to talking to about my feelings. I want to be with you Mac and I know this isn't the time but, just tell me to wait and I'll wait forever if that's what it takes I just need to know that there is a chance.. That I haven't completely blown it with you." He rambled through his words and took a deep breath, hoping she would understand. He couldn't look at her, didn't want to see the disappointment in her eyes if he'd made a mistake again.

Harm didn't know he was crying until a single tear fell from his eye which Mac wiped with the pad of her thumb. That single touch sparked to life something that seemed to have died between them.

Mac leaned over to him and raised her hand to caress his face her fingers gently running over his cheeks, his eyes, his lips like a blind woman wanting to commit every detail to memory. Her heart ached for him, for them, and everything that was once in reach that seemed to fall apart. Her touch seemed to heal some of that to piece together what ever was missing between them. Harm leaned into her touch and pressed a soft kiss into her palm making her skin tingle inexplicably.

And then, Mac kissed him. It wasn't passionate by any means but, sweet and soft and Harm remained impossibly still hoping this wasn't a dream. "Wait for me." She said against his lips and then brushed her lips over his a final time.


	20. Chapter 20

Season 6 - When Kate returns. I liked her but, dear Lord was she forward. You knew Mac for 2 mins and HAD TO gab about your romp with Harm? Sheesh...

 **TOUCH AND GO -** After the engagement celebration.

Mac sat alone in the conference room studying the ring she had recently transferred from her right to left hand. She should have been happy, most women would have been beyond ecstatic to show off their engagement ring.

She wasn't most women. Mac had quietly slipped it onto her left hand yesterday morning to see what it felt like. This was the first time she was engaged, really engaged. Her first marriage had been more of the shot-gun variety when an 18 year old version of herself had been too drunk to protest. There was no romance, no real sentiment of love save for a strong infatuation on her part.

So, she wanted to know what it was like to be engaged and see the diamond glitter in the light. Unfortunately, she had forgotten to switch it back to her right hand. Harriet had noticed and Harm had been standing by giving her a displeased look. It was too easy to slip into the role and let Harriet inform the staff carrying on as if this was something she wanted. She didn't want to feel like a fool not with Harm's ex-partner smirking with amusement at their interaction. He slipped into his jealous act which, as usual only confused her.

Harm had been the one to push her away and into the arms of another man. He had a girlfriend, one that slipped effortlessly into his life. Why did he care who she married? Why couldn't he be the good, caring friend and let her move on? Why did he have to seem so sad and upset at her choice of fiancé? Why the hell did it bother her so much? It was _his_ problem, not hers.

"What have I done?" She asked herself before burying her face in her hands wondering just how much of a mistake she'd made. Mac loved Mic, somewhat - just not in the way one should love a fiancé. It wasn't like the love she felt for Harm. She wasn't _in love_ with Mic.

"Hey." Mac felt him before he spoke, his presence practically sucking the oxygen from the room. She turned to him, finding Harm holding the conference room door open. He was alone.

"I thought everyone was gone." Mac said. She had seen all of the vehicles exit the parking lot and remained behind, needing to be alone with her thoughts.

"Me too, got up the road and realized I left my wallet… Saw your Vette still here. You okay?" He stepped in fully now and slowly made his way over to her.

"Fine. Overwhelmed, I guess."

"Can't blame you. An engagement is a big thing." Harm stopped just next to her, leaning his hip against the table. He studied her for a moment, struggling with his want to ask her what she saw in Mic. He hated that she was engaged and hated even more that he was too noble to ask her to break it off.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Shoot."

Mac took a breath. There was something had had been bothering her since she had coffee with Commander Pike. It both upset and saddened her to know that he had slept with his former partner. "You and Kate?"

"How did you know?" Harm pulled out the chair next to hers and deflated into it. While it was nice to have his former partner back for a few days he knew she'd undoubtedly cause some sort of trouble. He wasn't expecting her to blab to Mac about their little tryst.

"She told me."

"Oh." Harm frowned. "It was ages ago ...I've matured since." He cringed at how that sounded but, it was the truth. He'd been younger and stupid, still riding the jet-jock mentally. It was the look that Mac gave him that made his heart ache - a disappointed glare that made him feel like a jerk.

"Did you love her?" What did it matter if he did? Harm was nothing to her more than a friend.

"Not romantically." He defended and leaned forward before he spoke. "Look, I'm not sure what Kate told you but, it was nothing more than a wild, messy weekend and the reason why she left JAG… It became complicated between us...stressed. Working with her was hell. She kept throwing it in my face and manipulating me with it."

Suddenly, Mac stood walking her way towards the window. She began pacing back and forth as her mind tried to piece things together. It made sense now, so much sense. "I get it now… Why you pushed me away in Sydney."

"Mac…"

"No, I see it, I get it but, I am not Kate Pike."

"No you're not…" Harm stood and made his way over to her. She had to know that he didn't want to hurt her. Everything he'd done was for the right reason.

"It could work out between us." Mac stopped pacing just in front of him. Her eyes met his and she held his gaze. Harm must have been fighting some war within as his eyes had darkened and his jaw clenched.

"It's too late, Mac." The sadness of his voice mirrored his feelings and the knowledge that he'd just let her go. No, she wasn't Kate Pike. He wasn't in love with Kate Pike.

"Why?"

With a sigh, he took hold of her left hand pretending he didn't feel that spark between them as he stroked the ring on her finger. "I'm not _that_ guy. I'm not coming between you and Brumby. You made a choice...and…"

"I'm in love with you." She said without preamble, her words bringing to a halt whatever he'd been trying to say. Mac expected some sort of reply but, instead he just stared at her. "It's why I never moved the ring until yesterday. I just… I'm not sure I want this."

"Mac…"

"Tell me you don't love me…"

"I can't…" It would have been a lie to deny his feelings for her. Harm knew she would see right through him. "We can't do this." He let go of her hand then and took a step back.

"Why?"

Because he was a good man not one that would destroy her for the sake of his own happiness. Why couldn't she see that? "Say you leave Mic for me, what does that say about you? Or me? I have a reputation of being a playboy, Mac. I won't smear your name no matter how much I want you."

"You want me?" Mac's voice was light, holding a hint of hope.

"Irrevocably. You're all I think about." He admitted. Somehow, Harm had moved closer to her, the undeniable chemistry drawing him to Mac. "I want you so bad that you invade my dreams. I have to stop myself from thinking about you and I don't want to... What have you done to me?" He never wanted a woman so much in all of his life and Harm knew he never would. Against his better judgement, he leaned in and kissed her.

It was soft at first, tentative until Mac's arms came around his neck, drawing him to her. His arms circled her waist as his mouth moved with hers, deepening a kiss that fed his soul.

"It's you I want to be with." Mac said against his lips.

All of his arguments, all of his reasons why he couldn't be with Mac disappeared when they kissed. It felt too good, too right. "Don't marry him, Sarah. Stay with me."

Mac released her hold on him and slipped the engagement ring off her finger. She moved to the conference table and placed it in the center before returning to his arms. "Let's complicate the hell out of things."

Harm chuckled. "No, Mac, let's make it right."


	21. Chapter 21

What if Mac had gone to Harm first in Adrift Part 2?

 **Chapter 21 - Adrift Part 2**

Glancing out her windows, Mac could see Admiral Chegwidden weaving his way through the bullpen. It was always odd when he visited one of their offices and given the touch and go state of Harm's health, she felt her heart sink to the pit of her stomach. He'd barely survived the dip in the Atlantic Ocean to then have to fight the effects of hypothermia. He was strong but, eventually even the strongest could falter.

Mac tried to come to attention but, was waved off as Chegwidden closed the door behind him. 'Oh God, what now?' She thought offering him a small smile.

"Harm's set to arrive in Bethesda in an hour. What's the ETA on his parents?"

"En route from California, they arrive later today.

"It was a good idea not calling them until we were better apprised on his situation. I know Ms. Peterson had reservations about this."

Mac nodded, Renee had and was pretty much told to stand down, something that the other woman found irritating. "It was the right call, Harm's mom didn't have to get put through that again."

"I agree." With that, Chegwidden slid into one of her guest chairs and forward, leaning in as his voice took a tone softer than he had been using. He normally wouldn't delve into his subordinate's personal lives but, with Harm and Mac, he felt he had to. "I am letting you secure early so that you can be the first person there when Harm arrives."

"Sir?" His comment confused her as Mac's desk was more than overflowing with paperwork that she'd taken on when her nuptials and honeymoon had been postponed.

"Mac, I saw you and Harm the night of your engagement party. Hell, you spent most of it with him and not your fiance. I know you two care for each other more than friend should." He leaned even closer. "I've lost the love of my life once, I know what it feels like. Go to him and figure it out before you make a mistake."

After their chat, Mac had sped her way to the hospital, pacing the hallways outside of Harm's room. He had been brought early and the nurses were checking on his vitals before letting anyone in. She had been tempted to call Renee and let her know of Harm's status but, something told her not to. "Ma'am, you can come in now."

She was holding onto her cover for dear life wondering what she would find. From the news they'd received at JAG, Harm had been tossed around pretty good and there was a chance that he wouldn't remember her or anyone - a sort of temporary amnesia. Taking a breath, she straightened her back and walked in slowly. He was awake, head to the side and staring out the window.

"Mac." Harm had perked up at the sight of her. He offered her a small smile and tried to sit up but, winced when his ribs and knee protested. "Hey." He whispered, voice still hoarse from the tube that was once down his throat.

At the sight of him, all Mac could do was cry. She had tried to hold it together for his sake having cried enough in the last few days to the point of exhaustion. He seemed small and fragile in the hospital bed, a stark contrast to the otherwise larger than life persona. "You're alive." It was the only thing she could say before the tears fell.

It broke his heart to see her cry for him especially after he'd stubbornly left to do his quals rather than be there for his best friend's wedding. He reached out to her and Mac slipped her hand into his only to find him pulling her close. With a wince, he slid over on the tiny bed making enough room for her to join him. Without question, she did laying on her side, careful not to hurt his injured body.

Harm drew her closer, one arm coming around her and the other grasping her hand which had wound up on his chest over his heart. They remained that way for several long minutes, each holding on to a lifeline. "Thank you for saving me." He finally spoke, pressing a kiss to the crown of her head.

"I only found your raft."

"I wasn't far away." He held her tighter, never wanting to let her go. When he was in the ocean amidst the fight for survival, he kept thinking about her, about coming back to her. It was what kept him alive and willing to live. He had to see her again, had to tell her what he felt for her. Harm was going to ask about the wedding, wondering if it had gone on without a hitch when he noticed the left hand he was holding was missing her engagement ring.

Harm ran this thumb over her ring finger and glanced down to find Mac staring at him. She sighed and closed her eyes trying to formulate the right words to tell him. "I love you." She said simply and brought her head down to his shoulder. "I've loved you for years."

He let out the breath he'd been holding. Having Mac in his arms felt good and right, he wanted her there forever. "I love you too, Mac."


	22. Chapter 22

Got this idea out of the blue - well, all ideas are out of the blue.

Going over to "All Ye Faithful" for this one. :)

Mac was sitting in the living room, chatting with Harriet when she noticed Harm had gone missing. He'd arrived late for Christmas dinner without his goldwings and apologetic for his tardiness. He never did explain what had happened but, Mac knew something was wrong.

Excusing herself, she searched for him through the house and found him in the kitchen. His jacket hung on the back of a chair and Harm stood wearing his white dress shirt with rolled up sleeves washing dishes.

Seeing the domestic side of him always warmed her heart. He would make a good husband to someone, someday. "Are you alight?" Mac asked softly, not wanting to startle him.

Harm knew when she'd walked in. He had felt the energy in the room change as his nostrils filled with the welcomed scent of her perfume. "I was wondering when you'd come looking for me." He smiled, not turning towards her as he diligently worked on Harriet's China. "Hiding out. Gives me an excuse to hide from Big Bud."

"He's been on a roll tonight." She grinned. They had long come to terms with Bud's father's behavior, it was a quirk they put up with for their friend's sake.

"Can't pick your folks. Kinda envy Bud, though."

Mac nodded in agreement, at least Bud had his father. And, on occasion, they could count on him. Changing the conversation, she approached Harm and leaned a hip against the kitchen counter. "So, what happened?"

"You knew something happened, didn't you?" He turned his head and looked at Mac and the sad smile she offered. "Why am I not surprised?"

Mac sighed. Yeah, she knew and had spent the entire night worrying. How many messages had she left him? Four? Five? She must have sounded desperate. "What went wrong?"

"Hit a weather balloon, lost control for a bit." He deadpanned on a sigh. All he could think about was that night when he was flying back to make it for Mac's wedding. Ejecting in the middle of nowhere. The parachute chords choking him. The cold of the ocean water. Mac, would he even see her again.

"I kept thinking about you." He squeezed his eyes tightly, wanting to forget the memories. "I had flashbacks of that night. Didn't think I'd get lucky twice.

Mac could see the emotions that he fought to keep at bay, the emotions of a night he never really spoke of. She rubbed a soothing hand up and down his back but, her comforting touch wasn't enough.

Her arms circled his waist from behind and she rested her head against the expanse of his back, hugging him to her. She couldn't speak out of fear of breaking down in front of him. Although he had suffered the most she too was out in the middle of the ocean with him that night. She never wanted to experience that again.

Harm rinsed his hands and and shut off the faucet. He dried himself on a kitchen towel and then brought his arms against Mac's. He tensed when she pressed a kiss on the center of his back and held on a moment longer before turning in her arms. "I want to kiss you." He said suddenly his eyes descending to her lips. They had started back at the beginning early that year and he wanted more.

Mac stared up at him and couldn't help the smile that spread on her lips. "Permission granted." She met his kiss once Harm's mouth descended on her own. He kissed her deeply eliciting a soft moan from her.

That is how AJ Chegwidden found them as he went in search of coffee. He smiled at his two senior officers and stepped away quietly whispering a soft, "Merry Christmas."


	23. Chapter 23

Short and sweet - Critical Condition. :)

She had seen him cry a handful of times as would be expected considering they'd been close friends for nearly a decade. It hurt Mac to see him crying now when he'd spend the last few hours being a rock for her and Jen as the prognosis of Bud's recovery seemed bleak.

"Harm?" Mac said his name softly as he deflated into the bench just outside of the surgical ward. The self-assured, larger than life, Naval officer had broken down at the notice that one of his closest friends would live. Her heart ached to see him break down and an overwhelming need to comfort and be comforted filed her.

Mac sat down next to Harm and ran a comforting hand over his back, brushing over the hair at the nape of his neck and then wrapping an arm around him. Her touch was soft and gentle, soothing when Mac pulled him close her head coming to rest against his temple. Her other hand came over his heart and Harm brought his own hand over hers, holding it against his chest.

He closed his eyes and let the tears fall allowing Mac's gentle touch to comfort him. It felt good and right, so damned right. The last week had been absolutely chaotic, both of them facing death in a manner of ways. They had lived through the desert and an impromptu bombing run. He had played tango with a missile and saved thousands including Mac. It had all taken its toll and he was happy to have her there with him to breathe strength into him. He leaned his head back and took a breath to feel her shift and settled her head on his shoulder.

Shifting slightly, he turned so he could look her in the eye, her gaze matching his own of pain and gratitude. They shared a non-verbal conversation, something that was so uniquely them. Just one look could convey so much. It was then that he leaned in and brushed his lips over hers in a soft, sweet kiss. "Mac." He said when then broke apart and meant to give her an explanation, to tell her that he loved her when she leaned in and kissed him back.

"I know.. I love you too." She confessed before laying her head on his shoulder again.


	24. Chapter 24

Not quite a disruption but, with the news of Harm being on NCIS... Here is my take...

Mac was fast asleep when the shrill of an alarm woke her up. She sighed deeply and couldn't help the anguished thoughts that pass through her mind. The alarm sounding at this time could only mean one thing; he was going off to sea duty.

She felt her husband's arm tighten across her midsection and his warm breath at the nape of her neck. He kissed that spot and trailed his lips to the back of her ear. She pressed herself into his embrace moaning softly when his tonge darted out and licked the trail from the back of her head down her neck to a spot on her shoulder that always made her quiver. "Harm." She said his name on a breathy sigh.

14 years of marriage and the man still made her want him in inexplicable ways. Mac still desired him as much as she had the first time they met. And their passion, rather than wane, only grew throughout the years. She loved him more than ever.

Mac turned in his arms trying to seek out his eyes in the darkness of the room and was met with his lips upon hers. He kissed her as if he was already missing her and Mac snaked her arms around his neck, drawing Harm closer. "I hate it when you." She admitted, always understanding that this was part of him part of the man she married. Flying was so much a part of his life and something that she had to accept.

"But you love to welcome me back." Harm said on a chuckle and then kissed her once again, his tongue seeking out her own as the kiss turned passionate. He wanted her then - hell, he always wanted her and the desire to make love to Mac before he left was paramount.

Mac grinned against his lips when her internal clock had decided to play catch up. He'd done it again, set the alarm a full hour before he had to go just so that they could make love. "You trying to have your way with me before you leave for sea duty, flyboy?"

"Of course I am." She could hear the smile in his voice and sighed happily when her husband's kisses sailed south down the valley of her breasts.

14 years ago their lives became one when Harm proposed and she had won the coin toss. The had spent that night together putting an end to their dance and starting a new one. It was then that she had taken the job at San Diego and Harm still left to London for year until the SECNAV could find his replacement.

He had become a reservist and was happy to see more time flying than before while working full time as an investigator with AJ Chegwidden's private investigation firm.

They were married in a small ceremony on the beach at La Jolla with only their closest friends in attendance. Harm vowing to make up for the last nine as he kissed Mac. And they never looked back. Yes, they had their ups and downs. Argument, fights, there were two very passionate people and passionate people often bickered. But, in 14 years he had only slept on the couch twice and Mac had always brought him back to their bed. He was still just as emotionally driven and Mac was still the tough Jarhead. They were equally stubborn.

It had been six months ago when Harm had been asked by the SECNAV to come out of reserve status in order to help out on the USS Stennis after the F-14 Tomcat had been reinstated in order to fight an old enemy.

At first, he had kept his new assignment to himself as long as he could have for fear of hurting Mac, knowing full well the lengthy time apart that sea duty entailed. To his surprise Mac had been supportive although he saw something in her eyes, a sadness that brought a prominent ache to the center of his chest.

Mac understood more than anyone what flying meant to him - the closeness he felt with his father because of it. Despite her reservations, she was always supportive, always wished him luck.

This time, she couldn't help the sadness that had weaved itself into her heart. The ache at knowing she wouldn't see him for several months. "Come back to me." She pleaded once their bodies, their souls were joined.

"Always." Harm said before slowly making love to his wife.


	25. Chapter 25

Okay, so I could see MOST of this conversation happening but, not the end but, it's my world... ;)  
\- - - - - -

 **We The People**

Mac sighed as she drove the truck that the had rented back to its owner. She fully intended on making the trip alone but, Harm had decided to join her once he was sure her uncle would not be hurt. She could feel his eyes on her as she drove and found she enjoyed the attention. Twice she had turned to look at him and twice he had turned away knowing he'd been caught. "Admiral Chegwidden offered me a position a headquarters." She offered, hoping to break the silence between them.

The idea of partnering with Mac on a full time basis made Harm smile. They worked well together despite the fact that she had a taken a pistol out on him. "You thinking of taking it?"

"Thinkin' about it." She offered him a grin which turned into a full fledged smile, the first that he'd seen since meeting her. Harm decided he liked it, a lot. "I'd be your partner, think you can handle a Marine, squid?"

Harm was fascinated by her from the moment they met and it had little to do with her likeness to Diane Schonke. It was odd at first but, the differences were too noticeable. There was something about Mac, a connection he didn't really understand that he just didn't have with Diane. "Would be a pleasure, we worked well together once you put the gun down."

"We did." She agreed, "I'd be hard pressed to find a single person in my life besides Uncle Matt that would dangle from a helo to rescue me."

"Ha. The Marines need a little help from the Navy at times." He could already see their banter, the ribbing being a source of entertainment between the two of them. "Your uncle is a good man. I like him. Few people stick to their guns like he did." The moment Harm mentioned her troubled uncle, he wish he hadn't as the mood fell somber. He saw Mac's shoulders slump and heard a loud sigh of disappointment as she kept her eyes on the road. "Hey, it'll be okay."

"He's going to spend his life locked up. He'll be seen as a traitor." Mac felt a tear slip out of her eye, the one that she had been holding back since sliding behind the wheel of the truck. She was holding it together, barely, and had remained stoic as her uncle had been taken into custody by Clayton Webb. "Damnit." Without warning, she pulled the truck to the side of the road and hopped out, not wanting Harm to see her cry. She didn't want his pity. Mac leaned against the vehicle and was surprised to find him coming to her side.

"I meant what I said, I'll do anything I can to help him. To help you." For some reason, it hurt him to see her like this when hours earlier she'd been strong and stoic. He understood her grief and wanted nothing more than to take her pain away. Gently, he brought a hand to her shoulder and squeezed. "Don't cry… People see a Marine cry and it gives the Corps a bad name." His little joke made her chuckle and as she turned to him Harm brushed the tears away with the pad of his thumb. "It's okay."

"I made a life for myself because of him. Whenever life was a little out of control, Uncle Matt was there for me, unconditionally. He took care of me."

Harm didn't know what it was about Mac but, he felt himself stepping closer to her, needing the contact, needing to care for her. "Before Webb took him into custody, he asked me to keep an eye on you… I said I would."

"You mean that." He did, she could see it in the look of his eyes. A look of intensity that forced her to catch her breath. He was looking at her lips, watching with fascination as she darted her tongue to moisten them. And then, he kissed her softly, breaking apart several seconds later when she didn't object. "Why do I think things are going to get complicated between us?" Mac said and was rewarded with a grin before Harm leaned in and kissed her again.


	26. Chapter 26

How about a little Boomerang?! - Friggin topless scene!

 **Boomerang.**

Harm wasn't hearing whatever conversation Mic, Bud and Mac were having. Their words were background noise, a din to be ignored as he twisted his head sideways and scanned Mac's perfect body.

He took in her shapely legs moving upwards to… "Are you topless?" He blurted out suddenly when he noticed the large magazine covering her chest. Her shoulders were bare, exposed. So was her abdomen, the only hint of blue cloth was covering the area between her legs.

"It's Manly Beach, mate. Most women go topless." Mic said, his eyes moving from Mac's chest to Harm. He gave the tall Naval officer a knowing grin that Harm instantly wanted to beat out of the man.

Mac could only look up at him and grin. She was amused, terribly amused at how Harm was looking at her. "It's okay, Flyboy. I have plenty of sunblock on, I won't burn." At that, Harm began to unbutton his blouse. "Harm? What are you.." Before she could finish, he draped the garment over her, covering most of her torso before pulling Mac to her feet. "Harm?!" She yelped as he tossed her over his shoulder acting very much like a jealous boyfriend. "Let me down!"

Mic stood abruptly in a vain attempt to "rescue" Mac only to be pushed back down into his seat by Harm. "Mind your business, Mate!"

"You're not going to sit around topless in front of Brumby." He declared as his normally cool and calm demeanor crumbled. With that, Harm headed off the beach, carrying a squirming Mac over his shoulder until he reached the concrete walkway where he finally set her down. "I'm not gonna stand around while he ogles you."

Mac should have been upset, she should have had him lying in the sand with her foot on his throat. But, to say that she found his neanderthal side rather cute was an understatement. And damn, did the man have to look so good in his white trousers and undershirt? "Are you upset because you think I'm topless or because it was in front of Mic?"

"You work with the guy, Mac.. I mean you… you aren't?" He studied her for a moment noticing the straps of her bikini top tied around her back. "Damnit, I'm… I'm sorry, Mac. I don't know what got into me." He should have known better and now looked like a total fool.

"Harmon Rabb, you are a prude."

"I'm not!.. I just… well, I… You wouldn't go topless around me would you?"

At that she let his blouse fall as she stepped towards him. He could see the valley of her breasts and the blue triangles that barely enclosed her voluptuous curves. If the straps fell she would be half naked in front of him and Harm couldn't help his hungry stare. "Is that a request?"

"I…." Harm fumbled with his words wondering what would happen if he gave into the desire that she was making him feel. It was the look in her eyes filled with longing for him that made him take the plunge. "Yes." With that, his arms went around Mac's body, holding her tightly against him as they kissed. It started slow and gentle, before Harm tipped her head back and deepened the kiss. He didn't care if Mic or Bud or everyone else on Manly Beach saw. When Mac wrapped her arms around his neck, he realized she felt the same.

Bud and Mic stood rooted in balance, the younger officer grinning at the sight of something that he knew was inevitable. The chemistry between his two mentors was undeniable. "They'll never last. Mac needs a real man not a jet jock." He heard Mic say staring down at the pair with a look that could kill.

"With all due respect, sir… You don't know a damned thing." Bud said, walking away from Brumby.


	27. Chapter 27

This is my fav JAG episode. I think it was fine the way it was but... Why not?

 **FULL ENGAGEMENT**

With the soft light from the fire, Mac watched in awe of how he had prepared a bed for them with pine boughs. The natural rock cave had been a good find and a way to keep them out of the elements and poachers wouldn't hunt them at night. Rather than continue on, she was grateful when he had spotted the cave and turned it into their home for a night.

Calling it a bough bed Harm had placed two long logs parallel to one another and filled the space between with several armloads of pine. He then pressed down on the springy "mattress" and fished out a wayward pine cone or two only to find Mac staring. "Sorry, Mac. It's the best I can do." He'd actually gone out of his way to add extra pine boughs to make it as comfortable as he could.

"No, it actually looks rather cozy."

Harm grinned and offered a hand to help her settle into their bed. "Survival school trained me well." He let her settle in first and then pulled the pines he'd set aside as a blanket over her. "We should… uh, you know… uh, share body heat...temperatures are gonna drop and you've lost a bit of blood." He tried to make it sound clinical, like business as usual and not like he actually wanted to press his body against hers.

The fact was, he liked Mac. _Really_ liked her and found himself fantasizing about what it would feel like to kiss her - how her perfect, full lips would taste. He wanted to stop the attraction he had for her, to tell himself it was the likeness of Diane Schonke that drew Mac to him. However, the women were as different as night and day.

Diane never made him feel like Mac did. She never challenged him, fought him so passionately. The thing with Diane was infatuation and nothing more. He knew they would have crashed and burned with time.

Mac on the other hand, he was starting to fall for her although he managed to act aloof when their banter was laced with innuendo. He wanted to pretend that it was just an infatuation and nothing more than a deep attraction. But, when the poacher had shot her and Harm heard her gut curling wail, everything he tried to hide rumbled to the surface.

"You okay?" Mac asked as she noted that he was propped up on his elbow staring at her.

"No… Yes, I just...Never-mind." He opened his arms as she scooted next to him and wrapped his body around hers, careful of Mac's injured leg.

For several long minutes, they lay together in silence the only noise coming from the crackling of the campfire. Mac had her eyes closed, her head resting on Harm's shoulder and his arms wrapped tightly around her. It felt good to be in his arms and take the warmth and comfort he freely gave. But, there was something gnawing at her, a question she was burning to ask.

Who was this Sarah that he named his plane after? Clearly the woman made some deep impact on his life if she was the namesake for his plane.

The thought made her frown. Out of all of the names his stupid plane could have received, why did it have to be hers? It was like the universe was playing some sort of cosmic game with her. She sighed deeply wishing she didn't care as much as she did.

Harm was a friend, a colleague, her partner and the man she was slowly starting to have feelings for. He was attractive but, it was more than his physical appearance that Mac found appealing. He was a good man, noble to a fault, heroic and more than willing to put his life on the line for those he cared for.

Mac hadn't wanted to fall in love and yet, it happened anyway. And now she didn't know what to do about this unrealistic jealousy over the other Sarah in his life.

"Does your leg hurt too much?" She heard him ask as Mac shifted in his arms. "I'm sorry we're out here, Mac." He would have much preferred to be curled up with her in his king sized bed after making love to her three or four times. "Ugh." He cringed at his wicked thoughts and pushed them away.

"Do you love her?" Mac said out of the blue, stiffening in his arms as the question came out before she could stop herself.

"Her who?"

"Sarah, the woman you named your plane after."

"I'm wild about her." From the soft glow of the fire she could see the light in his eyes, an expression that made Mac's heart sink. He loved the other Sarah very much, she could tell. "You jealous, MacKenzie?"

"No!" She said too quickly and though she tried to snake out of his arms, he held her closer. "Surprised that you have another Sarah in your life is all."

"She's my grandmother." Harm finally said, his voice light and caring. Sarah Rabb was a wonderful woman, loving, tough and the voice of reason when his younger self was a little out of control. "My grandfather named the plane after her." He felt Mac relax in his arms and any ribbing he would have given her died. "Try to get some rest, we're gonna have to be up at first light…"

Mac nodded against his shoulder and snuggled into him finding she rather liked sleeping in his arms. "Night, Harm."

"I can't stop thinking about you." He said abruptly and felt her tense, yet again, at his words. "I mean it, Mac. At work, in court, in the break room, when we sit next to each other for Monday meetings and especially when I'm alone at night… I can't stop thinking about you."

Mac shifted in his arms, moving so that she could look at him fully. "Harm…"

"I think about what you look like in civvies. I think about what you look like in a dress. About what you'd look like out of that dress." He grinned at her then, a sexy grin that made the butterflies in Mac's stomach flutter. "I think about what it would be like to kiss you… I want to kiss you so bad."

If it weren't for the ache in her leg reminding her that this was really happening, Mac would have thought she was dreaming. She pushed up on the brim of the cap that he wore and saw the firelight dancing in his eyes along with a primal look of desire. Mac's hand moved up his chest, and felt his heart drumming a rough staccato, matching the beating of her own heart. The zillion reasons as to why kissing Harm was wrong went out the window and she found herself leaning towards him. Her lips brushed his first tentatively and then she kissed him softly.

Harm let out a breath he didn't know he was holding and pulled Mac so that she was laying on top of him. He felt her wince but, she she deepened the kiss and sucked at his lower lip, he lost all sense of control. His hand tangled in her short hair holding her head as tongue traced her lips before plundering her mouth. Another hand pulled at her plaid shirt, pulling it out of her pants just enough so he could feel the warm skin of her abdomen. He snaked his hand under the shirt, pulling it out more as his fingers danced over her spine.

It was when Mac tried to straddle him that the stark realization of her injury hit her like a ton of bricks. She tore her lips away from his and dropped her face against the crook of his neck as a soft whimper of pain escaped her lips. Harm's hands stilled and she was grateful that he didn't immediately pull away. Instead, he released the hold on her head and both of his hands stroked her back gently, soothing. "I'm sorry." She whispered, her soft breath caressing his neck and making him shiver.

"It's not your fault, Mac." He said softly, his hands still running lazy circles across her back. "It was probably a good thing we stopped."

Mac groaned as she pulled herself off of him and settled back onto her side. She brought one hand up and traced the edges of his face. "Let's just get out of this in one piece and we'll figure things out later."

"We're okay?" Harm was hoping this wouldn't make things awkward between them. The last thing he wanted was to lose Mac over some misunderstanding. Not that anyone could misunderstand the way she'd kissed him. Her response was to press a soft kiss against his lips before settling into the warmth of his arms again.


	28. Chapter 28

This one is a little sexier than most. I had a challenge from a writer - minimindbender - to do Need To Know... so here you go! :P  
This is the one with the Angel Shark investigation and that cute scene where Harm and Mac walks into his apartment with an armful of groceries.

 **NEED TO KNOW**

Mac rolled onto her back and glanced up at the unfamiliar ceiling of Harm's bedroom, the louvered windows casting uneven shadows across the wooden beams. His arm came around her waist, hand gripping gently over her hip as he pulled her towards him. It was all she could do to comply and nestle herself in the warmth of his male body. The scent of him and her clung everywhere, the pillows, the sheets and even her skin. Memories of the last few hours drifted lazily through her mind and Mac was surprised at how much detail she captured like a snapshot of the two of them.

How they had become lovers was something that came out of the blue. Well, as much out of the blue for two people who had been attracted to one another for the better part of eight years. She had long since stopped hoping he'd make a move and decided to let things work out organically. They seemed to be reaching something special and then Bud's accident had put things on pause. Not that she minded, Mac figured both she and Harm weren't emotionally ready considering how close Bud came to dying.

That night though, they had stopped for groceries, she offering to cook at his apartment as they tried to salvage and investigation that was going nowhere. It was typical CIA cock blocking and not even their favorite spook was willing to assist - until he had. As they were bantering back and forth about who would cook dinner, Mac had discovered a television set had been placed in Harm's apartment - a gift from Webb so that they could both see classified footage of the Angel Shark - a US Submarine that had gone missing during a CIA sanctioned mission over 30 years prior.

Mac sank into a chair in his living room and as Harm came to kneel next to her, his hand that was intending to grab the back of her chair had slipped. It came to rest on her bare thigh that was exposed as she sat and crossed her legs. Besides hugging from time to time, it had been the most intimate contact that they had experienced since he kissed her the night of the engagement party. It wasn't meant to be sexual, in fact, he seemed so surprised and apologetic and down right cute in that flustered-Harmon Rabb way, that Mac had laughed it off.

The problem was the look in his eyes, one that went from apologetic to hungry in the space of a few seconds. He hadn't removed his hand either, it simply rested on her thigh and the touch was making her insides quiver. When he seemed unsure and finally went to pull away, Mac trapped his hand under her own, leaned in and kissed him. It was tentative at first, testing as if it had been the first time they'd kissed each other. Soon after, Harm had pulled her out of his chair and pressed her against him, molding her body against his own. He kissed her slowly, passionately and when Mac moaned against his lips, it was all the affirmation he needed to put and end to their dance.

It was nearly impossible to get their clothes off fast enough and when Harm stripped every last stitch of clothing from her, he picked her up in his arms and made his way to his bedroom, kissing her the entire way and nearly tripping when he reached the steps to his room. There he had placed her on the center of the bed and took off whatever was left of his own clothing before joining her.

Their lovemaking was neither slow nor gentle just fiery and passionate. Being inside of Mac was the homecoming Harm never knew he needed. Every thrust, every touch, every sound of pleasure was a branding on his soul for life. There would be no one else for him.

Mac held onto him, fingernails scoring his back as she murmured words of encouragement. She'd fantasized about this moment countless times and had given up hopes at ever being intimate with the man she'd fallen for so many years ago. There had been so many obstacles in the way, most of them created by the two of them for reasons she couldn't quite explain. As unexpected as this all was, it didn't surprise her that their first time would be so out of the blue. Nothing between them was ever calculated or planned, why should this be.

She enjoyed the spontaneity of it, the excitement of being in his arms and being loved so passionately that she could barely catch her breath when he made her climax. Mac couldn't help the tear that fell from her eye and she kissed him softly when his look of lust had turned into concerned. Mac had assured him that they were happy tears before she turned them over and pushed him onto his back. Their second time had been just as passionate and with each movement they made together, Mac wished she would have fought harder for them. She wished she could erase all the rough patches, the misunderstandings.

The shadows on his ceiling had begun to deepen signaling that morning was fast approaching. When Mac turned to her side, she found Harm's eyes on her with a look she'd never seen before. "So this what being in love feels like?" She heard him say softly.

Despite the hours spent in his arms and the feelings that he had awakened within her, there was always an insecurity that haunted her. "You're in love with me?"

Harm nodded and pulled her closer to him. "Yep. Have been for a while."

"That makes two of us, flyboy… Practically since the moment we met." Mac couldn't help the tears that came again, the ones that he brushed away with the pad of his thumb.

"Wish you would stop doing that."

"Happy tears, Harm." She said before leaning in and kissing him.


	29. Chapter 29

Wow, aren't we prolific this afternoon? Beth - this one is for you. ;)

This one is set in Hardy's office during ATW2 - when Harm wants Operating Instructions for Mac.  
Did he not look yummy here with that five o'clock shadow? *thud*

-...  
 **A Tangled Webb Pt 2**

"What is it that you want from me, Harm?" Mac glared at him. He had rescued her, saved her from a fate worse than death and yet, he was acting as if he could care less about her. He'd been cold, callused and nothing like that man that she knew. It was frustrating, confusing and she wondered why she felt so much for him.

"Operating instructions would be nice." He tried to play cool and collected when all he wanted to do was take Mac and shake some sense into her. It had hurt him badly to see her kissing Webb, the man that had put her in such grave danger in the first place. And the bastard still got the girl. When it came to men, he would never understand Mac.

"You know, I actually need very little, only you've never figured that out." She had walked seductively towards him, her finger grazing his chest and sending a lick of fire through him. Mac was mocking him, enjoying the torture and he was fed up with it.

Before she could pass, Harm wrapped a hand around her wrist and pulled her towards him. "Are you really that simple, Mac?" He asked, eyebrows raised in question.

"I am not as complicated as you think, Harm. Never been." In fact, the only time she'd veered off course was with Dalton, the only man that had seduced her with pearls, money and the finer things in life. In the end, his World was meant for her. Mac craved to be back into the simplicity of her real life. "What is it about me that confuses you, Harm?" She pulled her wrist out of his grasp and folded her arms across her chest, standing defiantly before him. This wasn't the time and place for this conversation but, if he was ready to speak, far be it for her to stop him. She was growing weary of his inaction.

Harm snorted, "I came down here for you. Damned near get myself killed to find that you're playing house and making out with Webb. Sorry if I'm a little confused, Colonel." It was all he could think about since walking away from the hacienda with Mac. His brain kept pausing and rewinding on an endless loop that was driving him insane.

"I thought he was going to die. He still might and I didn't want it to be in vain. For better or worse, he kept me relatively safe." Mac defended sighing deeply at the untrusting look in his eyes. She hated when Harm played the jealousy card because it turned him into a jerk. He would wallow in it rather than put any action into his words. Moments like these she wondered if the only thing he felt for her was a deep infatuation. If he really cared, if he loved her, he'd fight for them not push her away. "Maybe it's me that needs instruction manuals for you?" She added cheekily.

"Give me a break. I couldn't be more transparent if I tried." He scoffed, sounding offended at her suggestion. Didn't she know how he felt by now? Didn't his declaration of love two and a half years prior mean a damned thing to her?

"Transparent? You are anything but. You hide behind chivalry and propriety not to rock the boat with me and then turn the jealousy card when it seems I may want to move on." With a huff, she unfolded her arms and pressed a finger painfully into his chest. "What is it that you want from me, Harm? Why is it that you are either too stupid or too stubborn to realize that I'm in love with you?" She said the words with earnest, eyes never leaving his as she hammered home the last few words. Mac had never been this candid with him about her feelings but, her near brush with death had made her bold. "I just want you to love me back. No operating instructions needed."

When he stood there staring at her, seemingly frozen with a shocked expression, Mac had decided she'd had enough. She had bared herself to him for the final time and wouldn't allow him to hurt her again. It was time to let him go. "You know, nevermind… After this I'm going to need therapy." But, when she tried to walk away he took her arm again, this time gripping her almost painfully as he pulled her against him. "Harm… let me…G-Mmmm."

Before she could finalize her protest, his lips had descended on hers hard and unrelenting, muffling her voice. She tried to push him away, to figure out what the hell had possessed him but, then his hand that came to the base of her skull had held her head roughly, forcing her to return the kiss.

Mac was unwilling at first but, when his demanding tongue had pushed past the seam of her lips without an invitation, her protest seemed null and void. She eased into his touch, a rich moan of compliance sounding at the back of her throat when his hand at her head trailed downward, stopping at her back and pulling her towards him. Her body came flush against his and the feel of his arousal pressing against her forced Mac to gasp.

His hands came down, kneading her six before raising her up urging Mac to wrap her legs around his waist as he pressed her against the doorframe. Harm never broke the kiss and only stopped when she begged him to, the feeling of him like this so raw it was making her dizzy. "We have to stop." She said, betraying her own words when her hand grazed over the part of him that she wanted inside her.

Harm was breathing heavy, the lustful look in his eyes doing nothing but making her want him more. "I love you, Mac… You have to know that by now." He said in a rush. "I came here for you, only for you." And with that, his lips were on hers again, teasing and tasting. He groaned when her hand brushed over him again and his body shook with anticipation. God, he wanted her more than anyone else and he'd felt like this for years.

His body pressed against her, hips grinding against her own through their clothing. But, when he made to slide a hand under the shirt that she wore, Mac stopped him and he stared at her in question. He may die of need but, he was damned if he would try to force her to do something she didn't want.

"I want you too." Mac confirmed and sighed happily when he kissed her again. "I want you so much but, I'm covered in dirt, blood and God knows what else."

"And you're still gorgeous." He stated with a sheepish grin and a slowly eased away when Mac's feet had touched the floor.

"I have a room, at the hotel… I…We could..." Mac trailed off when she realized how eager she sounded but, when Harm kissed her again, this time slowly, passionately, she knew he shared the same intentions.


	30. Chapter 30

**A little angsty here. Which I didn't intend but, much of season 9 and 10 gets me in that mood. Heh.** **What If?** _"Your unspoken desire is the road not taken. Take it!"_

Harm stared at the two tiny pieces of paper that he had laid out on his desk. After celebrating Coates' promotion at a Chinese restaurant, they had all been urged to take a fortune cookie and read its words of advice. He had acted cavalier, arrogantly ignoring the rules but, his mind had other thoughts.

Why he would imagine a world where he was married to Mac but, about to lose her to another man, he couldn't fathom. Maybe it had to do with Paraguay and the fact that, though he had rescued her, he'd lost her. The idea pained him greatly as did her constant need to remind him that she was dating Clayton Webb.

The spy was once considered a friend and now, all Harm wanted to do was to take the man and strangle him. He believed it to be Webb's fault for losing Mac - a notion he'd been steadily feeding like a dying flame. Only after staring at his fortune, Harm felt his hatred of the agent start to waver greatly.

Harm had always been a man of action, the one to fight when no one else would. In regards to Mac, he was just the opposite and she had called him on it more times that he wished to count. He just couldn't let go with her and simply sat on the sidelines waiting - for what? He wasn't sure.

 _"Your unspoken desire is the road not taken. Take it!"_

The two tiny pieces of papers - his and hers - were mocking him now. With a huff, he grabbed the offending papers, hoping to toss both of them into his wastebasket and attempt to get some work done.

"Commander, are you willing to deal on the Morlan case?" Instead, one of the tiny sheets had fluttered through the air coming to land squarely at the feet of one Sarah MacKenzie who had stepped into his office at that very moment. She bent and retrieved the paper, taking it in her hand and reading the fortune she was familiar with. "Why do you have this?" She held the paper between her thumb and index finger and leveled him with an accusatory glare.

"It's my fortune and before you freak out on me, both of our fortunes were the same." Only that didn't make things any better - he had read her fortune before they left, grinned at how annoying fate could be and then decided to take both slips of paper.

Mac folded her arms across her chest, an action that made him realize he was in some sort of trouble. "Why did you read my fortune, Commander?"

"Why did you lie about what it said?" He countered, also crossing his arms in defiance. Harm knew the words had struck some sort of chord with her and he wasn't going to back down until he found out why. "It's just a silly fortune, why not read it outloud?"

"Because it's stupid." She shifted on one foot and then the other, trying to appear as if the fortune hadn't bothered her when it had. Mac thought about the tiny writing on the paper and the sense of disappointment that hit her in the gut. Or maybe it was the feeling of fear at knowing that Harm was moving on without her and it had been all her fault.

She ripped up the tiny paper and tossed it into the trash only to look down and see his fortune already at the top. Snatching the fortune, she stared at the words wondering what sort of cosmic prank she had been thrown into.

At his knowing glance, Mac settled into his solitary desk chair and looked around at the former supply closet that was his office - his penance for not following orders - his punishment for rescuing her. Her heart squeezed at what he'd become and the role that she had taken all because Sadik had made her fall apart. "Why did you keep these?"

"Because they made me think about the road not taken. Made me wonder how things would have been if I would have taken a different path." He leaned back in his chair and studied her as if seeing Mac for the first time and in a way it was.

Ever since Paraguay he hadn't really looked at her anymore for fear of his thoughts. The less time he looked at her, the less he felt the weight over his heart. She looked the same and yet, different. He noted how tired she looked, makeup hiding the fact that she hadn't slept well in a while.

When Mac's eyes came up to his own, he didn't look away just held her sad gaze, his heart hurting a little more at her expression. "You haven't looked at me that way in months… Since I left for…"

Harm sighed, "I didn't think you wanted me to. It's highly inappropriate considering you're involved with someone else. I made that mistake when you were engaged, not going there again." She turned away from his eyes hitching a breath, her face flushing in embarrassment. Changing tack, he decided to let her relationship with the spy slide. "I had a bit of a day dream at the restaurant today." He admitted with a grin although parts of it had been utterly depressing.

"Oh? Is that why you kept spacing out?" The corner of her mouth turned up in a half smile which turned into a frown at his next words.

"It was a bit surreal. We were married, you and I. Decided to make it work after Sydney but, for some reason, we were getting divorced and you were moving on with, of all people, John Farrow."

Mac cringed at the thought, although John was a good man and no doubt would be wonderful partner for her, she didn't love him that way. It was more about misguided youth and an intense infatuation. "Oh God. No wonder you seemed so…" She trailed off, unsure what to say. Her hands hand tightened on the file she held in her hands, twisting the folder so that it wound up on the edges. "I slept with Clay, Harm."

Harm felt a wave of grief wash over him at her admission and that ever present ache in his chest tightened just a bit more. He bit back the anger that coursed through him, the want to shake some sense into her. It had been his fault too and one of the few things that he had learned in the last few months was that they shared the blame. He had pushed her into the arms of another, again. "Mac..."

"It only happened a few nights ago, after Sadik…And I..." She hadn't been able to give herself to him until then. If that intense showdown with the terrorist had never happened, Mac was sure she wouldn't have been intimate with the spook. "I needed to _feel_ something after it all happened. I was so out of control." She hated being so damned weak and giving into a man that she really didn't love.

Harm frowned at her admission that reminded him just how far apart they had grown. In the past she would have come to him, she always had when something was wrong. The fact that she went to Webb sickened him. "Why didn't you come to me instead of him?"

"You've moved on." She made no attempt to stop the lone tear that fell from her eye. "I wasn't going to burden you with my problems."

"Moved on? With who?"

"Mattie. She's changed you somehow, for the best. I know you're over me and I can't blame you. I don't know how to get back what we had. I'm so damned sorry that I hurt you." At that, she couldn't hold back the tears or the deep sobs as her face fell into her hands.

Harm sat there in stunned silence and then stood to close the door that was still open. He dropped to his knee next to her and gently ran a hand over her back. "I haven't moved on, Mac. I can't." Oh how he wanted to let her go and erase the memories of their past and his dreams of a future.

 _"Your unspoken desire is the road not taken. Take it!"_

The words of their entwined fortunes echoed in his mind. Harm removed Mac's hands from her face and tipped her head up so that she could look at him. "Do you love him?" He held his breath as he searched her eyes for an answer, any answer.

"No." The word made Mac feel like a weight had been lifted off of her and there was still hope at salvaging the fragments of her soul. She moved forward on the chair bringing her head closer to Harm's as three little words fell from her lips. "I love you."

Mac smiled sadly at his shocked expression and reached out to trace the edges of his face with her fingers. "I love you so much."

"I love you too, Mac." He leaned in and kissed her gently, tasting the saltiness of her tears when she returned the kiss. Harm rested his forehead against hers and sighed heavily as some of the pain at his chest eased. "You don't need him, Sarah. Travel the road not taken with me."

"Yes." Mac breathed out and pulled him into her arms, holding onto him for dear life.


	31. Chapter 31

Okay, so voice to text is a very funny thing. I had this idea when I was driving to work and so I was talking to the phone, bringing this little, whatever you want to call it, to life.

Oh, the editing I had to do and the confusion was just too funny.

Some of these I do for fun, as I can not really see it happening on the show... Part of this one I see - just not the last bit. I think it would have killed us to see them dance together during Surface Warfare and share desperate looks at each other that went no where. Thankfully, I am not as bad as TPTB. ;)

 **Surface Warfare**

"It's time, Colonel." Mac heard Harm's voice as he extended his hand. She was wondering how long it would take him to dance with her as the night dwindled. No matter who their date had been at all of the military functions, he would always dance one or two times with her, it had been a constant from the moment they met.

She glanced over at Mic and at his approving nod she slipped her hand into Harm's and allowed him to escort her onto the ballroom floor. They danced a lively number, their bodies swaying rhythmically back and forth at a regulation distance much like they always did. It was fun and it was enjoyable but, when the live band music ceased and the DJ played a slow, romantic song Mac made to pull away. "One more dance and then I'll let you go." She heard Harm whisper in her ear, the hand at the small of her back pulling her closer to him.

She marveled at how well they fit together when his arms encircled her waist and her own arms wrapped around his neck. They moved in time to the music almost as if they were the only ones there. It brought to life all the feelings that she had repressed for him, the ones that she swore she would never dwell on ever since that night in Sydney Harbor.

Harm could feel Renee and Mic's eyes on them and the disapproving look that he knew would warrant him a tongue-lashing once he separated from Mac. It was then that he knew that he could no longer keep up the charade. He didn't want to be with a woman that just merely served as someone to warm his bed and the loneliness of his heart. He didn't love Renee, never would, not like he did the woman in his arms.

Mic had returned to the states for Mac that evening, likely to push her into moving that blasted ring off of her right hand. Time was running out for them, Harm knew and a sense of desperation grew within him making his heart hammer hard against his chest. "Your heart is racing." She pointed out and hers was too - Mac thought she would have more time.

Her inability to move the ring was a sign that he never noticed until this very moment. It was a an opening that she left for him to fight for her. If only he had noticed it before rather than act like a petulant child who had lost his favorite toy. It was a calculated move on her part, a part of the chess game of emotions they'd been playing since that day out in the White House rose garden.

Mac loved him. He noticed it now as her eyes drifted up to his holding his gaze softly. Everything he ever wanted he saw shining back in her eyes and the urge to kiss her right then and there was so overpowering. It was Mac that brushed her lips against his first in a tentative kiss that quickly built into something more when Harm's grasp tightened on her. His lips danced over her own, savoring the feel of a woman he loved more than life. It was like they were the only two people left in the World and nothing else seemed to matter. When the music stopped, they stepped away from each other reluctantly and it was Mic that had reached them first.

Mac stood between them, keeping Harm shielded behind her expecting Mic to take a swing at him. "Mic, don't." She warned, slipping the engagement ring off of her finger and holding it up to him. Whatever murderous intent lingered in the man's mind eased completely as he stared at the diamond she was giving back to him. "I love him. It'll always be him."

In the distance, Harm saw Renee flash a sad smile at him before taking her purse off of their table and stepping out of the ballroom. He didn't want to to hurt her but, it was better like this before either of them invested more time than they should have. He was surprised to find Mac's hand in his, pulling him past the group that had flooded the dance floor once the music became lively again.

She stopped once they were out on the balcony, out of the prying eyes of everyone that had seen them kiss moments earlier. When they were alone, she eased into his embrace again, and brought his mouth back down to hers. Harm kissed her eagerly stopping only to say the three words she'd long to hear from him for so long. "I love you."

"Colonel, Commander." They heard AJ's gruff voice echo from the shadows as he stepped out to make his presence known. He gave them both a once over and couldn't help the smile that spread on his lips before he brushed past them tossing a casual "Carry on" before he returned to the ball.


	32. Chapter 31 (04-21 21:12:37)

TPTB missed a shippery moment during Season 10's "Heart Of Darkness" with Harm and Mac in the desert. REALLY wish we had another "In Country" moment with them in the desert. So, I wrote it. Short and sweet.

 **Heart Of Darkness**

Mac was holding onto her rifle tightly as she made a final pass at the perimeter, making sure that they would not be ambushed. She took a deep breath and stared up at the moonless sky and the stars strung across it like diamonds.

There was something magical about the desert, a peace that couldn't be felt anywhere else. She missed the feeling and how she and Uncle Matt would disappear for days without ever seeing another soul. It healed her, reminded her how small she was in comparison to the World. She was just a tiny speck.

Which is why she enjoyed the few times she'd been sent to the Middle East. It brought her a sense of home, righted her compass. She suspected it was much of what Harm felt when he was at sea flying supersonic over large expanses of ocean.

Quietly, she made her way back to camp and the warmth of a fire they'd been keeping alive. The one thing she hated about the desert was the erratic temperature change, specifically the cold nights. The native rags she currently wore, while warm, still couldn't keep the cold from seeping in.

She squatted in front of the fire and raised her hands towards the heat, hoping to get her fingers warm again. They had stiffened as she held the rifle and a painful ache was gripping her joints.

"Cold?" Mac turned towards the sound of his voice to find Harm propped up on both his elbows watching her.

"Damned cold metal from the rifle stiffened my fingers." She admitted, rubbing her hands together in hopes of easing the uncomfortable sensation. Mac heard movement from Harm's makeshift bed and sensed when he came up next to her.

Harm lowered himself down and took her hands in his. "You're freezing." His breath hitched at how cold she felt as he brought their joined hands up to his mouth. He breathed a warm breath over them and kept his hands wrapped tightly around hers. It was a simple act and yet, Mac felt her heart skip a beat.

Without warning, Harm stood, bringing her up with him. "C'mon, before you die of hypothermia." He kept a hold of one hand and took the rifle with the other while he guided her to his bed.

"Harm, I have to keep watch." She tried to protest but, was urged to lay down on the sheepskin bedding.

"We'll be fine. Temperature is gonna continue to drop and you're already freezing." He laid down next to her, placed the rifle to the side and pulled the covers over the two of them ad he scooted closer.

There was something familiar about this moment and Mac recalled a similar night out in the desert where body heat was keeping them warm. Sighing happily, she moved closer to Harm, snuggling into his waiting arms. "Hoping for no bombing runs tonight."

Harm chuckled at the memory. Things never were easy between them. "I rather like having you in my arms." He said softly and felt Mac shift in order to look up at him.

"I rather like being in your arms. You always seem to be there to take care of me." And he always would if she recalled their conversation the night of the Admiral's dining out. Through all the whirlwinds of her life, Harm had been the only constant and she was tired of keeping him away.

"And I always will be." He confirmed. "I just want to stay in your life, however you need me."

And she needed him more than the air that she breathed. Mac needed him in her life to make her whole again. She suspected he needed her too.

"Do you love me?" Deep inside Mac knew the answer but, she needed to hear his words. She needed to know that he still wanted her.

His answer came in the form of a kiss that was pleasantly unexpected. Harm kissed her slowly, completely and Mac couldn't help kiss him back with equal ardor. When they broke the kiss, she felt his arms circle tightly around her as he tried to keep her warm. "I love you, too." She told him before falling asleep in his embrace.


	33. Chapter 31 (05-02 20:06:01)

Someone mentioned that Harm should have showed up when Mac's dad died. Okay...

 **Second Sight**

"I'm sorry, Major."

"No, I am. I acted horribly… like a petulant child." Mac was surprised at how forgiving the priest had been to her when she had acted so out of control. It wasn't like her to be that way as all of her actions were usually measured and calculated. Well, maybe not all of her actions. When it came to matters of the heart, she was an absolute mess.

She watched as her father's coffin was lowered to the ground, a final resting place at a small plot just a few miles away from the hospice. He had no final requests other than a simple burial without any pomp and circumstance.

The priest placed a gentle hand on her shoulder studying the woman standing before him."We all grieve differently." He was upset that no one was there for her, no friends or family save for a mother that seemed to give the Major more heartache. So he decided to stand by her side and give her a shoulder to cry on if needed until he spotted a tall man wearing a dark blue suit and a white hat.

The closer the man came, the more the priest realized he was a military officer and someone who knew the Major by the look of relief on his face when he'd spotted them. "Major, seems like someone is looking for you."

Mac fully expected to turn and spot her mother which had left before her ex husband could be buried. The woman had stated something about not liking funerals and had abandoned her daughter yet again. Seeing Harm was the equivalent of what Princesses must have felt like to see their knight in shining armor. He exhuded a sureness and strength that she no longer felt. Mac the Marine had taken a blow that day, dropped a peg to be reminded of the young girl with a rough upbringing. She had forgiven her father that day but, began to grieve her own life, one that had been a rollercoaster ride of sorts. The only constant, the only good thing she had left was Harm - her partner that would become her best friend. The man she loved more than anyone.

Part of her wanted to be angry that he had found her and not let her process the current situation alone. The other part reminded Mac that she didn't have to be alone - she had friends now, good friends, a family. Which is why she didn't resist when Harm walked right up and pulled her into his arms. Her head came to his chest and without warning the tears she'd been trying to keep at bay consumed her. She buried her face in his chest and sobbed as his arms tightened around her.

Harm wasn't sure what words to say or how to heal her pain so he simply held on and pretended his heart wasn't breaking for her. He could count how many times he'd seen her cry and how many times he'd comforted her. Mac was normally tough as nails and would hide behind the Marine facade until the pain she felt threatened to choke her. But, there was something different in her eyes when she raised her head to look at him, a sadness that made his heart squeeze painfully. He never had a chance to say goodbye to his father and despite finding his spirit in the Taiga, there still was a sense of closure he would never feel. He was glad that she could, at least, say her goodbyes and mend whatever fractured relationship Mac had with the man.

"How'd you know where I was?" She finally spoke, eyes bloodshot and brimmed with unshed tears.

Finding the hospice took little to no effort at all when you have a junior officer that is excellent at sleuthing. "Bud. I didn't give him any details just told him I needed to find someone." He brushed her tears away, an act that was slightly familiar to year prior when he'd done the same. This time, he didn't pull his hand away immediately, simply pressed his palm into her cheek in hopes that it would comfort her. "I wanted to be here for you, Mac. You don't have to do this alone."

No she didn't especially when they had shared so many experiences together. Mac was there when Harm had found out about his father and an unmarked grave that he could never visit. She held him when he cried and was his strength when he called his mother to give her the news. Why should she weather this part of her life alone? It didn't make her any less of a Marine to ask for help and take the comfort he was offering. "Thank you."


	34. Chapter 32

I was watching season 4 and "Nobody's Child" popped up which is easily the saddest of all JAG episodes apart from Harriet losing Baby Sarah.

You really ache for Harm and I really wish Mac would have been with him a little more for this one although Trisha and DJE worked really well together.

Still, would have loved to have seen our fav Marine comfort him.

 **Nobody's Child.**

"I'm not going to be good company tonight, Jordan." Harm spoke into the receiver sighing deeply as the woman tried her psychobabble. "I'm fine just tired. Look, I'll talk to you tomorrow. Bye." Although he found her attractive, there was an aspect of Jordan that had begun to irritate him.

At first, it had been interesting to find a smart, sexy woman to spend time with. She managed to figure out the parts of him he tried to hide. She saw his flaws, the chink in the armor and Harm hated it. With Jordan he felt like she was analyzing his every move, picking at his brain - something he was sure shrinks couldn't control. As much as he wanted to spend time with her, at the moment it felt off. Harm realized he was mostly with her for fear of being lonely and alone.

With a frown, he stared down at the photos displayed across his desk. The pictures of a little girl murdered so savagely would haunt him forever, he knew. With a sigh he wiped at the solitary tear that fell and the anguish that he had yet to find her killer.

Mac had warned him not to go down this rabbit hole and yet he had ignored the warning. She knew him better than most; better than himself. She'd seen him fall apart, once, twice, more times than he could count. She held him while he cried in Russia for a father that would never come home. There was no analyzing, no words just a simple comfort and understanding that no one else could provide.

Perhaps that was why an hour later he stood at her door waiting for her to open.

"Harm? Are you okay?" She came to the door with sleep lidded eyes, messy hair and wearing a silk kimono that covered her nightgown. Mac stepped back to let him enter, waking up a bit more as she studied him when he took off his winter coat and jacket then settled into her sofa. "Harm? What's wrong?"

He had been crying, she noticed by the redness in his eyes and their puffiness. Mac didn't dare ask again what was wrong, she knew. Instinctively, she knew that the little girl's murder case was turning him inside out. "Oh, Harm."

Mac pulled him into her arms as she sat next to him. Her heart broke as he shed the tears he'd been holding in for days. An audible sob escaped him and Mac couldn't help but cry too. She felt his arms come around her and they held each other tightly each taking comfort and strength from the other. "I'm sorry. It's late, I should go."

Reaching up, she brushed his tears away and wished she could heal his pain. All Mac could do was be there for him and she hoped it was enough. "No, Harm. You're in no condition to drive. Stay, please."

Many hours later, when the sun began to rise, Harm awoke to find himself laying on her sofa with Mac sleeping on top of him, an afghan covering them both. He wasn't sure how they wound up in that position but, welcomed the feel of her pressed against him.

He studied her as she slept wondering if there was ever a time when Mac didn't took beautiful. Carefully, he kissed the crown of her head and tightened his hold on her as he drifted back to sleep.


	35. Chapter 35

So, fixed a little the scene where Harm tells Mac he is going back to flight duty. :)

 **YEAH, BABY!**

Deep inside, Mac knew it was coming but, she never prepared herself to hear the words and it hit her like a ton of bricks. "I put my request in to Admiral Chegwidden today to return to active flight status."

She could see it months ago when they headed out for an investigation on a carrier - the way his eyes lit up. Yes, they'd been on a carrier together a few times and Harm always had that wistful look but, something had changed this time. She saw determination that was confirmed when he stated that it was never his choice to leave a squadron. It was taken away from him.

Mac understood more than anyone what flying meant to him. It wasn't just a career choice, being a pilot was in his blood and a way to communicate with his father. Still, she didn't want him to return to a carrier and the uncertainty that each pilot lived with - a supersonic game of Russian roulette that some didn't survive. She didn't want to lose him to that life because Mac knew that once he left, he may never come back.

"You can't do that!" She spat out at him with her chest heaving over the emotions that threatened to strangle her.

The outburst caught Harm off guard and those beautiful blue eyes widened at her tone. "Why not?"

"Because if you do, it would mean flying is more important to you than JAG. It's more important to you than Jordan… It's more important to you than…" Mac stopped for a moment unable say the words that she wanted. It was when he stepped close to her and placed a hand on her shoulder that she turned to face him again with tears in her eyes. "Is it more important to you than...than _me_."

Harm's heart broke at what he saw, the normally strong Marine that had been replaced by a broken woman. She'd taken so many hits that year and now he was adding to her burden. Gently, he wiped away her tears and when her eyes locked onto his, he saw it then, something that he hadn't quite noticed but, he could sense. Ever since he found the book on the USS Hornet, they had become closer and it had nothing to do with friendship. Despite the women that came and went through his life, it was Mac he thought about when he was alone at night.

He just didn't think it was possible that she felt the same until now. "Mac, I'm not leaving you."

"Aren't you? Everyone else has, why should you be any different?" Mac moved away from his touch and wiped away more of the tears that fell. If he was going, really going, she needed him to know the one detail that she'd been denying herself. She was tired of keeping her emotions bottled up and tired of making the wrong choices because of it when she desired him so damned much. "I'm in love with you."

She breathed a sigh of relief at her admission and almost instantly wished she wouldn't have said a word. He was staring at her again, with a look of surprise and something else that she couldn't quite place. Mac could have pushed him, she probably should have but, the evening had taken any fight out of her. "It's my problem, not yours… You have a girlfriend and I…"

But, Harm didn't let her finish as he quickly look a step towards her and pulled her against him. The act caught her off guard and Mac could only stare up at him confused by his actions. She saw a smile tug at his lips and his eyes that looked back at her held a desire she'd seen before but, would dismiss for fear that he was still seeing Diane. He bent his head down and kissed her slowly at first but, with more passion when Mac returned the kiss.

It was the sound of her bedroom door opening that alerted the two officers that they were no longer alone and they snapped apart as if something had burned them. "I always knew you loved her." Chloe stated with a grin as she hobbled over to the two of them, stopping just in front of Harm. "So, when are you getting married?"


	36. The Sixth Juror

A recent trip to Key West and watching "The Sixth Juror" gave me this idea. I could improve it but, not in the mood to write a lengthy love scene. ;-)

 **The Sixth Juror**

The room was beautiful, walls bathed in whites and baby hues with white trim and paintings that were all tropical in nature. Above a ceiling fan with faux palm leaves slowly circled keeping the temperature in the room rather comfortable for the couple that lay in bed together.

It had finally happened - the inevitable shift in their relationship that should have happened years ago. They were lovers.

As Mac's head lay on Harm's chest, her fingers ran lazy circles over his skin tracing the hard muscles of his pecs. She was content, very well sated and could barely stop touching him. When she shifted slightly, Harm's hand that was resting on her hip tighten possessively.

It had been over an hour since they made love and yet she couldn't sleep out of fear that it would all disappear.

Hours earlier, when court had adjourned, Mac intended on shopping with Petty Officer Coates much as they had done the evening before. The younger woman had canceled and it was when Mac was out to dinner alone that she bumped into Harm. "Weren't you going out with Jen?"

"She wanted to spend time alone, can't say I blame her." She said with a shrug, not at all upset about being ditched. "What are you up to?"

"Heading to Sloppy Joes, apparently it's a Key West staple." In the past she would have invited herself or asked him to tag along with her. Harm hated what they'd become although, after her accident things were better. They were spending more time together outside of the office. Their friendship was back on track but, any type of a romantic involvement hung over them with a question mark.

"Wanna join me?"

Mac had almost declined but, she was tired of avoiding him when she had vowed to stop pushing him away. Instead she slipped her arm through the crook of his as they walked through the streets of Key West eventually stopping at Sloppy Joes.

They had shared a meal, Harm even taking a bite or two of her food, the infamous sandwich the bar was named after. A live band began playing their version of top 40 music and Harm was terribly amused to find Mac dancing in her seat. He hadn't seen her this happy and carefree since Paraguay.

It was when she caught him looking that Mac hopped off her stool and stood before him trying to urge him onto the dancefloor. "Come dance with me."

Harm shook his head. "Oh c'mon Mac, I'm beat." He yelled over the music only to find a mischievous grin spreading on her lips.

"The Navy can't hang with the Marines? Figures." She shot him the barb and made her way to the dancefloor falling into step with other patrons that began to dance. This felt good and it was an outlet Mac didn't know she needed.

From his perch Harm watched her with interest. Her hair was down, out of the constrictive regulation look and brushing over her shoulders. She had on a simple blue sundress and sandals looking every bit the typical Key West tourist. Her hips were swaying to the music which Mac seemed to lose herself in.

Harm stared unabashed his eyes caressing her skin the way he normally did when she wasn't looking. But, this time Mac was looking, her eyes holding his gaze as she appeared to dance only for him. God, she was beautiful and he couldn't help but follow.

His heart was hammering hard against his chest and the seductive look Mac was giving him didn't stop when he reached her. Out of their own volition, his arms circled her waist urging Mac to move closer to him.

"I'm tired of waiting, Mac." He spoke loudly into her ear and when Mac went to question his statement, Harm's mouth came down over her own.

Mac could have sworn in was a dream until she felt his desire for her pressing against her abdomen. And then there was the way he kissed her, deep and passionate earning a few cat calls.

"Take me to bed." She said into his ear and it was all the incentive Harm needed to pull her out of the bar.

They walked several blocks until Harm stopped at a Bed and Breakfast called The Banyan Resort which he had seen on the cab ride out of the base.

Harm made love to her twice and thanked God that the wait had been worth it. He was mesmerized at how well they moved in time together as if they were made for each other. He would never feel about anyone the way he did for her. As he drifted off to sleep, he declared his love for her and felt the ache in his heart ease when she replied in kind.

Mac shifted once again and her leg grazed his forcing Harm to wake. He felt her fingers over his chest and smiled at the sensation. "Power down, Marine. Get some sleep."

"You didn't have to spring for a BB you know." She glanced around the one bedroom apartment knowing it likely cost him a fortune.

Harm sighed. "Our first time wasn't going to be at a VOQ."

"Mmm… We could have gone to a Holiday Inn for all I care, this place must have cost a fortune." She felt embarrassed about him spending money on her especially considering it would only be until early morning when they eventually returned to base.

"You're worth it." Harm said and then kissed her soundly.


	37. People Vs SECNAV

Purposely watched People Vs Secnav all because of the hotel room scene. Harm is sitting on a chair, tie undone. Mac walks over barefoot and without her jacket.

Here we go.

 **People Vs SECNAV.**

"Clayton sends his love." After hanging up with Webb, Mac walked towards Harm with a coffee in hand, noting that he barely touched his dinner, something that concerned her.

Harm scoffed at the thought and ignored Mac's comment, he didn't want to think about her boyfriend tonight. "That's a scary thought." He sat on one of the chairs of the living area that was situated between their rooms, his mind drifting back to the woman in court.

"No appetite? What's wrong?" She studied him for a moment, Mac's concern growing by the sad look in his eyes. It was normally hard to phase Harm but, that particular look was a familiar one of a conflicted man.

"I was just thiking about that woman today in court who lost her son." It was a part of war and something a younger Harmon Rabb Junior did not consider when he had been sent on bombing runs.

It was exciting to select a target and watch from high above as things blew into a zillion peices. He lived for it, breathed for it but, knowing he could have hurt an innocent gutted him. "It could have been me dropping those bombs, you know? She doesn't see a difference between me and a murderous dictator."

"Harm, you were doing your duty..."

"I know, Mac but, it doesn't make it easier." He stood then and refilled his coffee cup drinking half in one gulp, it was the only sustenance he'd had since lunch. "Part of me hates these cases when the truth of what I've done comes to light. I didn't kill her son but, I may as well have."

At his words Mac came to him, her hand running soothing circles across his back. She hated seeing him like this so torn apart. "You aren't a murderer. You aren't."

Mac pulled him towards him and enveloped him in a tight hug. He relaxed into her embrace taking strength from the woman that held him and letting her soft touch ease the scars over his soul. "You always seem to fix me." He said gently and his own arms wrapped around her.

Mac hadn't realized that she too needed the closeness until he held her. It brought to life emotions she tried to bury and made an ache prevail in her heart. "I need to tell you something and I'm afraid of what you'll say."

Harm heard her speak and reluctantly he pulled away from her embrace to find an odd expression in her eyes. He began to panic as a zillion scenarios ran though his mind all of them all of which involved Clayton Webb. "What is it?"

"I've been lying to you." Her voice was shaky and Mac wouldn't look him in his eyes. In fact, she stepped away from him and his heart sank to the pit of his stomach. "It's more of a lie of omission but..."

"Is it about Webb?" He asked cautiously.

"There is no Webb." Mac admitted and felt a weight come off her shoulders as she did. There had been something at first at least, she tried for it to be but, Mac didn't love Clayton Webb and never would.

The revelation only seemed to confuse Harm, hadn't he spoken with him? Hadn't everyone in the CIA gushed about Clayton Webb's Marine girlfriend? "But, the phone call..."

"It was Clay... But, we aren't together and never will be. He was filling me in on their movements with Sadik, keeping me abreast."

"Why did you tell me you were together?"

"Did I or did you assume?"

"I didn't, I..." Harm trailed off for a moment and thought back to as many conversations that they'd had about Clay since Paraguay. 'I don't have a thing for him.' Her voice echoed in his head and for the first time ever Harm felt like a total idiot.

Mac was never dating Clayton Webb he just assumed she was and ran with it. He never asked her point blank how involved the two were. It was too easy to be upset and blame all of his heartache on her. He was a fool. "Why, Mac?"

She took a deep breath and let it out slowly too embarrassed to tell him the truth. "You didn't seem to feel the same for me like I did for you. It was easier to make a clean break. I never meant to hurt you, Harm. I never meant for you to cut me out of your life. Webb and I we tried but..."

Mac's breath caught in her throat and her breath hitched nervously. She needed to tell him and not hide her feelings any longer. "I love you. I've never stopped loving you." She expected Harm to push her away and deny her like he had time and time again.

Instead Harm placed his coffee down and bridged the gap between them. He cupped her face in his hands hesitating when his head came down to hers. "I love you, too." And then he kissed her.


	38. Adrift 2

How adrift p 2 should have ended... None of this Mac in the rain crap or Renee's dad suddenly dying. Although, with our troublesome duo, if they HAD hooked up it is likely a 747 out of Dulles would have fallen over Harm's apartment. *Sigh*

 **Adrift 2**

Mac was finally warm, something she thought she would never feel again. She was warm and safe nestled in the arms of a man that she loved more than life itself. He shifted beneath her, attempting to adjust the pillows under his knee in an effort to keep it elevated. She moved from her position helping him get comfortable and then settled against him again. They hadn't spoken much, actually, they hadn't spoken at all just settled into a companionable silence that spoke more than words ever could.

Through the open collar of his shirt Mac noticed the angry marks that marred his skin and crossed between his chest to his neck. Her fingers delicately traced each line feeling his breath slow as she did. His knee, those marks were all evidence of the night he'd gone missing at sea and she'd nearly lost him forever.

Mac had suffered plenty of pain during her life both the emotional and physical kinds but, she'd never cried so hard for anyone like she had for Harm. She recalled being at the restaurant feeling restless and attempting to be happy when her thoughts were constantly filled with him and the kiss they had shared on the Admiral's porch. It was then that Chegwidden had landed a blow, one that she would never recover from - Harm plane had gone down and he was missing at sea.

As the minutes turned into hours a sense of desperation and shame had kicked in. She hated herself for how they parted and she hated him for being so right. If she needed him there to make it work, wasn't she marrying the wrong guy? A tear slid from her eye as she thought back to that night.

She had been out there with him as much as she could be considering how far apart they were from each other but, Mac was still out there. It was like she felt the cold water around her along with the desperation of never being found. She never felt so broken and guilty all at once for needing him at her wedding and forcing him to risk his life to return to her. For what? To watch her marry another man? The thought disgusted her.

The night that he kissed her in the middle of her engagement party so raw and passionately she knew things would never be the same. She knew that she finally had an answer to a questions he couldn't come to ask Harm. He loved her and Mac had made the biggest mistake of her life taking Mic's ring. She should have waited, should have pushed more to find answers to feelings Mac realized they both had.

In reality, she should have called it quits after that kiss and the desire that came bundled with it. Stubbornly, for better or worse she was determined to not have another failed relationship on her hands. Especially when the man she truly loved seemed so intent on pushing her away. Mac let out a deep breath, her fingers continuing to move over the cuts until she felt Harm's hand stop her. "I'm hurting you." She realized, her thoughts ceasing when he pressed her hand against his chest just over the level of his heart.

"No. I just don't want to think about it anymore." He knew he would have nightmares. They had started the moment he made it to Bethesda to be confronted with a woman he didn't know and the memories of the woman he loved. He glanced down to look at Mac and her eyes glistening with unshed tears along with that guilty look in her eyes that he wanted to kiss away. "This wasn't your fault, Mac."

"Isn't it? I could have lost you forever." She said, not wanting to rehash that moment again but, unable to stop herself from doing so.

Harm tilted her head up so that she would look at him. "But, you didn't." He leaned down and kissed her gently increasing the pressure on her lips when Mac didn't resist.

He was surprised to actually find Mac at his doorstep after Mic had left. Part of him figured she would have gone home to lick her wounds alone and he was unsure if he had the strength to look for her. But, she had come to him with tears in her eyes and her uniform completely soaked through. They didn't speak and Harm nearly stumbled as she pulled her against him and held on for dear life.

It was when he felt her shivering that Harm released her, closed the door and guided her through his apartment and to his bathroom. He had set a set of his sweats on the bed and waited for her to finish with a fresh cup of tea. They didn't speak, he couldn't find the words to say when his mind assaulted him with so many thoughts.

Were they together now? Would she return to Mic if the Aussie returned? What did Mac expect of him? And Renee. It wasn't fair to hurt her and yet, he knew that relationship was on its last leg. He saw the look in her eye when Renee had brought him home from the hospital. Whatever they had left was hanging by a thread.

Mac had put him out of his misery, noticing the odd way he stood balancing his weight the cane and the wince when he moved. She frowned at the sight wondering how she hadn't noticed it earlier that night. "You need to get some rest, Harm."

"So do you." And that is how they had wound up snuggled together on his bed.

When Mac felt his lips on hers she moved up higher draping herself gently across him to deepen the kiss. He sucked on her lower lip and instantly came alive when her tongue tentatively caressed his own. Harm kissed Mac how he always longed to, deep, passionate and completely.


	39. The Mission

Because on IG JAGniks posted the scene… ;)

 **The Mission**

"There was a time you hated it here." Harm turned to face her, finding Mac illuminated by the red light. For some reason it's glow made her look even more beautiful to him or perhaps it was that smile, one that he thought he'd never see again.

"Things change." And they had, so many things had changed in the last few months since Mic had left. She had run away, Harm had followed which only increased the chasm between them. They had gone back to the beginning, somewhat and things indeed changed. They found the rhythm they had lost, fell into step again.

"I'm glad you're here." Harm smiled at her, not in his flyboy way but, it was something else, charming and loving.

She stared up at him, the red light illuminating vulture's row casting an ethereal glow about him. Mac couldn't really see his the look in his eyes but, she felt his gaze. Something had changed between them, an electricity that began to crackle whenever they were close.

Mac had experienced it before but, it was never this intense and needed or wanted. And God knew she wanted him and not just as a lover as her...everything.

Harm's hand came over her own that was wrapped on the railing and she shivered at his touch. He moved carefully and felt when her hand turned over, threading her fingers through his. It was the simplest of touches and yet, it moved him pulling Harm away from the jets he loved so much to the woman standing by him.

Her heart began to hammer loudly, it's beating drowning the sounds of flight ops when he stopped just short almost unsure of what to do next. Mac wanted him to kiss her, she needed him to. It was quite sure she would self combust if he didn't. The way he was looking at her so unabashed she thought Harm wanted it to. He had to.

The hesitation in him made her panic and she pulled him towards her unwilling to pull away from this moment. Harm offered no more resistance and the hand that wasn't threaded with hers reached up to caress the side of her face. He took a deep breath and swallowed hard trying to formulate the words to say. His thumb lightly stroking over her cheek. "God, you're beautiful."

Mac eagerly came up on her toes, straining to get closer as he tilted her head back to kiss her. Once his lips met hers, she released his hand and wrapped her arms around around his neck. Harm pressed her against him, molding her body into his frame as they both surrendered. His lips were wreaking havoc on her and when their tongues caressed, Mac and to pull back before they got too carried away.

Catching his breath, Harm rested his forehead against hers and sighed contently when he heard her speak, "I love you, Harm."


	40. Guilt

Mac remained curled up in her cot, legs tucked against her chest as she gripped the satellite phone she had just used to call Chloe. Speaking to the young girl had helped ease her sadness somewhat. But, the notion that she failed an innocent child gnawed at her. For a moment she thought about Harm understanding fully how he could feel so much for a child he never knew.

A sob escaped her as tears flowed from her eyes. She was a Marine, an unwavering force that was born and bread to never give up. Mac had done her duty and kept both the embassy workers and the Marines that were suddenly under her command safe when they were overrun. Yet, she couldn't save the innocent little girl who had risked so much to help.

Everytime Mac closed her eyes she saw the flash of an explosion and the girl caught in mele. If the helo were still on the ground, Mac would have rushed in knowing it would likely be the death of her.

Her grip on the phone was leaving indentations on her palm which she stared at blindly. When she heard her name called over the PA, Mac expected to hear her little sister on the line again. "Chloe?"

"No. It's Harm." He sounded relieved and just a little bit anguished. It had taken the Admiral far too long to report back on Mac's whereabouts and he couldn't wait any longer to speak to her. Despite the delicate nature of their relationship, he needed to hear her voice.

"Harm?" Her voice caught and wavered when she said his name. It was good to hear his voice. For a moment there she was pretty sure she would never see him again.

"You're alive." He said, voice cracking slightly filled with an overwhelming desire to rush to her side and hold her, something that was impossible.

Mac sighed, "Barely. It was hell. I've been on the receiving end of a firefight before but, this was pure chaos." She was scared which was compounded by the fact that he was not there watching her six. No matter the ups and downs they would always keep each other safe.

"Are you okay? You're not hurt are you?"

She closed her eyes suddenly overwhelmed by his concern. "I'm fine. Sort of."

No, she wasn't, Harm could tell by the softness of her voice and the sniffles were a dead give away. "Why are you crying?" When she didn't answer immediately, his concern hiked up tenfold. "Mac? Talk to me."

In a rush she explained to him about Lilliana and how the brave little girl had sacrificed herself to lead those in the embassy to a decent extraction zone. "I failed her, Harm. I didn't keep her safe. What kind of a Marine am I?"

"Chegwidden gave me the low down, as much as he was privy to. You kept your people safe. You saved lives. I know men who don't have half the guts that you do. You deserve a medal, Marine."

"A medal won't bring a little girl back if she's dead."

Harm understood Mac, it was similar to his grief at finding Annie Lewis murdered so many years ago. He had to help her, somehow and with a wealth of contacts at his disposal perhaps they could find the girl. "Give me as much information as you can I'll find her for you."

Mac relayed as much information as possible, detailing the girl's appearance and what little facts she knew. When she was done, she took a deep breath as silence fell on the line. The last time she'd seen him had been painful and awkward and, at the moment she would die to be in his presence. He seemed to right her compass and Mac needed his strength.

Things between them were rocky, too many missed opportunities and the biggest mistake in her life. She had screwed up with him royally and managed to hammer the nail even deeper when she took an assignment on her ship just to see her. "Harm, I'm sorry I avoided you… I just… I'm… I'm not sure where we go from here after everything that's happened. You have Renee, she loves you and I shouldn't have…"

"We broke up." He said suddenly, stopping her odd apology. "I couldn't tell you before."

"Why? …. Oh, she left you, didn't she?"

"Yes. When we went to California for her dad's funeral." Harm felt freed and able to finally set things right with Mac. They were both single now and had no more excuses. "When I got back, you were gone. Gotta tell ya, you threw me for a loop. I thought you hadn't understood, maybe I needed to be clearer about my intentions?"

"You don't...I love you, Harm." Mac blurted out before she lost her nerve. She was not going to let him play the martyr for this one. "My relationship with Mic was my fault, my doing. I let it go too far. I'm sorry that it hurt you… I'm a mess. A complete mess."

"Sarah." The way Harm said her name was like a soothing balm over the pain of her heart. It was soft, sweet and a word that he seldom used. "You aren't a mess. You're human." He tried to pretend that her affirmation of love didn't affect him but, it did. Damnit, why was she so far away? "For the record, I love you, too. When you get back, come to me... I mean it, Mac. Come. To. Me." He punctuated when he was met with her silence.

"I will." She promised and for the first time in months, Mac felt whole again.


	41. Yeah, Baby!

This is probably the most improbable one I've done. Still... why not?! :-D

 **Yeah, Baby!**

"Why five years?" Mac kept a hold on his hand, not letting him go just yet. He had offered her to have a child together and for reasons unbeknownst to her, Mac decided to challenge him. "Why not now? Or were you just trying to placate me?"

Harm raised a brow at her reply and suddenly the bravado washed away from him as did the flyboy grin. She was staring at him with a determined look in her eye that made his heart race nervously. He was serious about having a child with her, had thought about it a few times recently when considerations of a future made him realize Jordan wasn't the one.

The woman was far too analytical for his taste and the initial excitement of a new relationship had quickly fizzled. It was the night of Bud's wetting down party that Harm found himself staring at Mac from across the bar. For the first time he looked, really looked at her as a woman. Not a partner or a friend, a desirable woman.

She looked lovely with a red blouse that hung off her shoulders reminding him much of the garbs she'd worn in Russia. He had noticed her then too only it wasn't the time to pursue anything with her when he was too emotionally unavailable. "Mac, I'm likely heading off to a carrier soon."

It was a fact that still stung but, Mac was willing to risk it if it mean being with him. "So, when you return I'll be a little different."

Harm glanced down at her hands which were now resting just over her abdomen. "You're serious."

"Weren't you?"

He was but, Harm wasn't expecting to decide his whole life right at that moment. "Yeah but…" The hopeful look in her eyes vanished replaced by hurt and when Mac went to turn away, Harm stopped her. "Let's do it."

"Harm, if you would rather wait, we can it's just that…" And then, right there on the steps of JAG Headquarters he kissed her. When they came apart she stared up at him in wonder. "How do we go about it?"

Harm grinned. "The good old fashioned way… You, me and nothing between us but sweat."


	42. Iron Coffin

**IRON COFFIN**

Harm sighed heavily as he slowly stirred creamer into his cup of coffee, staring down at the brew as if it held the answers he was looking for. He had been surprised to find Mac on his flight back to Andrews and managed to sit next to her as the plane was not full.

They joked and bantered falling into that ease that was very much them. It felt like old times and he found that he missed their interaction which had waned ever since she took Mic's ring. He didn't expect to walk into the bullpen and find a welcoming party made of Mic and Renee. It was almost surreal to find them there and, from Mac's expression, he could tell she was just as annoyed.

They had been talking, laughing and she had said something about their sense of timing when their significant others has appeared. It didn't take a genius to realize that neither Mic nor Renee approved of his and Mac's friendship and it was even more evident when they walked into the bullpen to disapproving glances badly concealed with a fake smiles.

They were both likely praying that a wedding date would be set and the natural course of events would happen. Harm would lose Mac completely, he knew that. Mic wouldn't just stand by and allow their friendship to continue.

Renee had already begun to put up a front asserting her place in his life as Mic had done to Mac. It was like the woman was trying to force his hand, toy with his emotions and incessantly prod at Harm and Mac's friendship.

Christ, he couldn't lose Mac, not when there were so many things left unsaid. He wished they could turn back the clock and fix that ferry ride in Sydney. He wished she would have never followed them out. He wished he wasn't such a coward in Australia. What man turns down a gorgeous woman like that? And damn was she gorgeous and so damned desireable the way her dress had clung off her shoulders.

Australia - such a magical land and it held nothing but anguish and regret for him.

Australia, oh God. What if Mic convinced her to leave JAG and follow him back to Australia? What then? The thought made his heart ache and Harm rubbed at his chest absentmindedly. If he weren't as healthy as a horse he was sure he was having a heart attack. He couldn't lose her.

"Hey." He jumped at her voice, pressing his hand dramatically over his chest. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you." Mac would have normally teased him mercilessly but, her tone of voice told him she felt as shitty as he did.

They had been enjoying eachothers company and the flight home had been full of laughter and banter. She enjoyed spending time with him especially when his adorably funny side came out. Mac didn't know why things had finally fallen into some ease but, she welcomed it over his animosity and the snide remarks towards her relationship with Mic. Perhaps it was because their lives had been put in peril when an ocean and metal separated them?

Mac had fallen asleep against his shoulder and found his arms wrapped around her half way through their flight. It felt safe and good and right and made her consider her engagement and the ring on her right hand that had begun to feel like a noose. Was it too late to back out?

"Some homecoming, huh?" She mentioned as she pulled her mug out from the cupboard.

Harm took the coffee pot and poured the freshly made brew into her mug, sighing as he replaced the pot. "Wasn't expecting that. It's not like we were at sea duty for months on end."

"Hmm." She agreed and then stared into the dark liquid inside her mug. She took a long sip and then leaned into the cabinet next to Harm. Their forearms brushed against each other and her breath hitched at the innocent contact. His touch always lit some sort of fire inside although she'd learned to adapt and overcome to the sensation.

Mic had tried to take her home but, Mac relented stating she had pressing matters at the office. The fact was that she didn't want to spend time with her fiance and that thought alone scared her. She'd been having reservations about taking Mic's ring since he arrived Stateside. A long distance relationship had been fun and manageable but, having him living under the same roof was suffocating the life out of her. "Sometimes I'm happy with him...Other times, I'm not so sure. It's like I'm making the biggest mistake in my life." She said, effectively sucking the air right out of the break room.

Although it felt good to voice her feelings to someone other than herself, the admission took a lot out of her and Mac felt her body sink more against the cabinets as if the effort to hold herself upright was too much.

Harm noticed and changed his position somewhat, allowing for her shoulder to press into him. He didn't know why she shared with him that one peice of information only that it made that ache in his chest abate slightly. "I'm not always happy with Renee. She could he a bit…" He paused for a moment trying not to be insulting or callused.

"Annoying?" Mac blurted out suddenly and just as quick, turned to him to offer an apology. "I didn't mean that… I'm sorry."

"You're not that far off... I can't see me marrying her."

Harm and Renee married, the thought made Mac tense up. She hadn't really thought about him taking that relationship too serious. The woman was completely too over the top for him and doubted a marriage between the two would be a happy union. She frowned at the thought, Harm in his dress whites and Renee in some extremely expensive wedding gown. God, she couldn't go there. "Have you thought about a future with her?"

"I don't want to." He admitted with a half smile. They stood together in silence and Harm couldn't help but take her right hand and pull it up to look at the ring. It really was a beautiful piece. He let her hand go and turned to face Mac. "Why did you go to him so quickly?"

"So quickly? You push me away what was I supposed to do?"

He hadn't really pushed her away had he? "I asked you to wait."

Mac snorted at his words. "You said no such thing."

"I did." He insisted, his mind trying to rehash that conversation in Sydney, one that he was sure his mind had beat like a dead horse. He messed up then, royally and there was no way to retract that conversation to tell her what he really felt. "I asked you to wait, didn't I?"

"No. You said 'not yet'." Mac shook her head and took a deep breath. She had gone to Mic too soon. Her pride and heart had been broken so it had been easy to take was Mic was giving. "I guess I understood that to be 'not ever'."

"Why would you think that?

"Because you don't want me that way and that's fine… We're friends, best friends and I guess… I guess our closeness clouded my judgement." He cared for her deeply, she knew but, that didn't mean he was in love with her.

"Mac, I've had an intimate relationship with a partner before. It didn't work out very well…We ended up burning out on each other. I don't want that to happen to us." He cared for her too much for them to start something and it fall apart. "I've never been good at relationships and with you…" He stopped and placed his mug on the counter and then turned to face her again. "Do you love Mic?"

"Harm…" She said in a warning tone and shifted so that she was a solid foot away from him. Their proximity was starting to wear on her resolve and his question was a dangerous one. "You don't get to ask that."

"Answer the question, Mac. Do you love him?" Harm demanded, reaching out and taking her shoulder to stop Mac from moving away from him.

She stared up at him and the intensity in his eyes made her look down. "He's a good man who loves me unconditionally." Only it wasn't unconditional, not when Mic had barged into every expanse of her life - including her home. He had threatened to return to Australia and pushed her into a decision she wasn't ready to make. He had condition, many of them and was quite vocal. "He...I mean, Mic….I just...Goddamn you…"

Harm's steady gaze had been too much for her and as Mac turned away from him, he could see the tears forming in her eyes. He hated hurting her but, he wanted an explanation, a reason why a woman who claimed not to be interested in Brumby could be wearing his ring. Relenting, he placed his hands on her shoulders and squeezed gently. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you… I just want you to be happy." Even if it wasn't with him and Harm was damned sure that Mic wasn't up to the task.

"I do love him." She admitted, feeling his hands fall from her shoulders. Mac could hear him step away and lean into the cabinet. He was giving up. "I do love him… But there's a problem."

"Just one problem?" He asked with a snort.

"I don't love him the way I love you." Mac let out a breath and felt a weight come off of her at the admission. It had been the truth, the secret she'd been hiding for too many years. She knew her comment had stunned him and could feel the tension increasing in the small break room. It made her afraid to turn and face him and yet she did anyway. "I've loved you for years." She clarified but, by the look on Harm's face, she was sure he would push her away again. "You don't have to say anything but, I thought you should know."

"Oh, Mac." In one step he was standing before her, his fingers on her chin tipping her head back so that he could kiss her. And kiss her he did, slowly, searchingly. It took Mac a second or two to realize what was happening and when she did, there was a want to resist until his tongue swept past her lower lip. She gave into him fully, her body pressing up against his.


	43. Ghosts Of Christmas Past

Shout out to PreppyPrincess - Glad I'm not the only one that thought that Harm meeting Jenny Lake needed to get explored further. I mean, I totally get putting CB and DJE in a "romantic" setting but, a supposedly devout husband and father making out or more with a singer? Eh, okay… Guess Jenny Lake was his free pass. ;) Heh.

 **Nancy - this one is for ya! :)**

 **Ghosts Of Christmas Past**

Harm wasn't sure what had brought him to Mac's apartment only that he was"Uh standing at her door with the false pretense of giving her a Christmas gift. Perfume, a rather expensive one that had assaulted his senses as he made his way through the department store in search of an item to send his mother. Only, he wasn't there to give her the gift, after spending a rather extended time at the wall speaking with a mysterious woman about his father, Harm needed to confide in someone.

The material was something that he couldn't quite discuss with his mother - she wouldn't understand. Hell, he was pretty sure that he didn't understand as all of the things he'd come to believe about Harmon Rabb Sr banished in the span of a couple of hours. Oh, he still loved his father and idolized him to a fault but, it now was marred by a secret he was never intended to know.

He raised his hand to knock and was surprised to find the door open before he had a chance. "Harm?" Mac was standing in front of him wearing faded jeans, a woven, dark red cardigan with a swooping neckline. Her leather jacket hung from her arm along with a purse that matched the black leather. She had on hoop earrings and lipstick in a shade of deep red that made her lips that much more pouty and kissable. "Earth to Harm?"

Harm managed to take his eyes off of her lips long enough to realize that she was standing in front of him with a concerned expression. It wasn't like him to drop by without calling, in fact, the last time he had was when he came with the news that he had surgery and was possibly returning to flight duty. "I ah, came to drop off your Christmas present." He presented her with the neatly wrapped square box.

"We exchanged gifts yesterday." Mac pointed out, nevertheless taking the box with her free hand.

"We did but, I went shopping for mom today and… I just...I knew you'd like it." At least, he hoped she did although the gift was more for him than her. He imagined the smell of her lingering in the hallways, his office. "Are you going somewhere?" He finally asked, noticing her attire. "Date or something?" Now he felt like a total idiot, not calling before showing up unannounced. As far as he knew, Mac wasn't dating anyone although Brumby was still hot on her tail. The thought made him frown.

Mac shook her head. "No, I was heading down the block to pick up Chinese." She confessed and couldn't help the blush that tainted her cheeks. The last thing she wanted anyone to know were her plans for Christmas or the fact that she spent most of them alone.

"I'll drive you. Weather's getting kinda crappy." He offered only to find her waving him off.

"Harm, you have better things to do that spend Christmas Eve with me." Did he have some woman to spend the night with? She recalled a year prior, and a rolodex full of women he was trying to woo in order not to spend the holidays alone.

Harm shook his head and smiled that flyboy smile that usually could get him what he wanted. "No, Mac. I don't." The drive to the Chinese restaurant and back and been a quiet one broken only by the nervous drumming of Harm's fingers on the steering wheel.

There was something up something bothering him and Mac waited until they were done with dinner before prying. He was in her kitchen wearing only his dress shirt, sleeves rolled up and buttons undone as he washed their plates. Mac hadn't asked him to but, found him there after she left to use the bathroom. She leaned against her doorway and watched silently as he meticulously washed a single dish, scrubbing the sponge over and over although it was thoroughly clean.

He was lost in thought, Mac knew and carefully, she came to his side, stopping his hands from moving. She saw it then, a single tear that fell from his eye which she caught with her thumb. He turned his head away from her, shut off the water and leaned against the sink distraught about something. Mac knew Christmas Eve was difficult for him and always would be. The five year old boy that lost his father lived inside of him for all time. It was a scar that Harm bore on his soul and something that she was sure would never heal.

But, there was something different this time, something she saw in his eyes that made her heart clench. "Harm, talk to me."

He gripped the sides of her sink and took a deep breath recalling back the times he'd slept with one woman while involved with another. They were idle amusements, a folly of his youth as a cocky aviator. "I'm not sure where to start." He sniffed and turned to face her, his arms coming across his chest. "I shouldn't have come here."

Mac pressed a hand to his forearm and squeezed. "But you did and I am not letting you go until we talk." He nodded and she removed her hand from his arm. "How about I make coffee? We can sit in my living room and you start when you're ready." He had acquisited and when Mac came to him with their drinks she found him staring into the fireplace with a far off look.

"My dad had an affair." He said so suddenly, that Mac nearly choked on the coffee she had swallowed. She stared at him with her mouth agape and a look of absolute confusion. He couldn't have known that, shouldn't have known that. "I met a woman tonight at the wall. She had his goldwings and came to return them to him."

"A woman?" Mac was confused and angry. Anyone could pick a name off that wall and invent a myriad of stories. As JAG officers they offended cleaned up after the lies, found the truth and she was upset that someone could lie to Harm that way. "It's easy to make up a story and.."

"She knew him, Mac." With a sigh, he recounted the events, the story of Jenny Lake and his father. He told her about her husband, David, the fighter pilot who had died for his country and the broken woman left behind. He told her about the kiss - no, kisses - and the scarf Jenny had left his father. A blue scarf that had appeared in a box when his belongings had been shipped to his mother. "She didn't exactly detail their affair but, I know. I could see it in her eyes. There was love for him and shame… She kept repeating that dad loved mom and I."

And that is when he broke down, tears streaming down his face uncontrolled. He had rarely cried as most of his tears had been shed as a young boy missing his father. Mac had only seen him cry like this once, in the Taiga when she recounted the story of how his father had lived and died. "Oh, Harm. I'm so sorry." She pulled him to her, arms holding him tightly as he cried against her shoulder.

Mac couldn't help her own tears for the little boy inside him who lost just a bit more of his father today. "He was a good man. He loved you." She cooed, her hand running soothing circles over the expanse of his back. "He was also human, we make mistakes." Hell, she made enough for lifetime in her short life.

"I would never do that to someone I love, Mac." He stated with conviction and pulled away to look her in the eye. "I've had my fair share of women. I've made mistakes but, if I'm committed to someone, if I am in love with someone, I could never." He was far too noble for it, which is why he couldn't quite seem to settle not with Annie, not with Jordan and not with Diane.

"I know." She brushed away his tears again and pressed a palm to the side of his face. What Mac didn't expect was the darkening of his eyes, the cerulean blue that turned almost gray. He was looking at her lips again, just as he had done when she found him at her doorstep.

"Do you know? Do you really know?" He asked, his bod leaning in towards hers, his eyes still on her lips. "I would never do that to you, Mac." His voice was rough, husky both from crying and the desire coursing through him.

Oh, she knew and by the way he was looking at her, Mac understood something. The jealousy towards Mic was not brotherly in nature. His return to JAG had nothing to do with not wanting to be a pilot. It was because of her. Because he loved her. "Because you love me." She said to him and watched as a smile spread across his lips. Oh yes, she understood. "Because I love you, too."

When her lips touched his, the spark took Mac by surprise. It was always there, burning in the background but, for it to come to the surface for Harm to be so genuine with his feelings for her was overwhelming. Her arms wrapped around him as they kissed, his body coming over hers as they stretched out on her sofa. "Merry Christmas, Mac."

"Merry Christmas, Harm."


	44. Posse Comitatus

This one has been sitting on my Drive for MONTHS. I cant do any better with it, I have tried. Not my fav but, here we go.

Posse Comitatus

It felt good to be back at JAG working with Mac at his side especially when investigations got them out of the office. The last few months had been Hell and Harm had allowed himself to fall into a depression of sorts. He blamed Mac for everything that had gone wrong in his life until he stepped back into headquarters and found himself working with her.

Seeing her again made him realize that he cared for her deeply and always would. Their friendship would survive, it always did, they always came back to each other. His romantic interest for her was another matter altogether - a subject he wasn't sure how to brush. It was too soon anyway.

He smiled as they walked side by side, bouncing ideas off each other. It felt good, natural, familiar. He missed this terribly. "You really love this, don't you?" She asked him, a hint of amusement gleaming in her eye.

"What, arguing with you?"

"Yeah. The investigations, the interviews, and yes, our arguments. I'm beginning to understand why you came back. You need JAG just as much as JAG needs you."

"What about you? You glad to have me back?" Harm couldn't help his flyboy grin that went up in full wattage when Mac gave him an exasperated look and rolled her eyes before returning his grin.

Mac fell into step with him as they crossed the base. Had she missed him? Yes, terribly. Despite telling her coworkers otherwise. She missed his presence and how it seemed to brighten every room he walked into. She missed the smell of his cologne that lingered on her uniform when he hugged her. She missed the banter, the arguments and how he vehemently fought for the truth. She just plain missed him, it was just easier to pretend she didn't - to close her heart off and believe they would never work out. "Yeah, I'm glad you're back."

Just as quickly as she'd settled into a sense of ease, Mac became melancholy. They'd been here before, years prior when her failed marriage and their lack of communication threatened to strangle everything. Now, it was much more pronounced and she had tried to fix it. "I missed you, a lot, actually. 17 messages and you couldn't figure that out?" She said under her breath and ignored the slight ache in her chest.

17 messages that seemed to mean nothing to him if the way he'd thrown Webb in her face was any indication. 17 messages where she had poured her heart out to him, begged him to call, pleaded for him to forgive her. 17 messages with the final one telling him that she loved him. And yet, he'd been awful and callused, practically dismissing her when Catherine Gayle wound up at his doorstep. So yes, she had missed him and he hadn't seemed to care.

Mac found herself walking alone, noticing that Harm had stopped several feet away. He had a far off look in his eyes that seemed to sadden when they met hers. He seemed hurt, ashamed even and she couldn't help but feel concerned. "Harm? You alright?"

No, he wasn't. God, what had he done? "I deleted them... Your messages, I... deleted them." He croaked out suddenly unable to look her in the eye. Her rejection in Paraguay had hurt, cutting him deeper than any knife could have. Rather than fight her, he just accepted her words and opted to cut himself out of everything Sarah MacKenzie. It hurt too much to think of her and all of the ground they had covered since Mic had left. Besides losing his father, Harm had never felt the sort of pain that crushed him the way her words had. He just didn't have the heart to open up the wound again and hearing her voice over the answering machine made his heart ache. So, he deleted the messages, all of them.

Mac stepped towards him, stopping just a few feet short. "All of them?"

Harm nodded. He hadn't heard a single one past the first few lines of her first message - everything else he deleted for fear of hearing her voice on the line. "All of them. Never heard a damned one." He confirmed.

Suddenly everything made sense to Mac. She understood his anger, his resentment, his lack of communication and the strain between them.

He didn't know.

It saddened her to know that he had managed to cut her out of his life so easily. It had been horrible for her to live with the consequences of Paraguay and a comment she didn't really mean. She had tried to fix it, tried to make it right but, he seemed so willing to let her go. Now, she understood why that was.

Damnit, he didn't know. He hadn't heard her pleading and now she felt like a fool.

Mac found herself walking away from him, battling the urge to cry. The last few months away from each other had been preventable. He just hadn't heard the messages.

And what if he had? More than likely they would still be in this predicament as they were both too stubborn to know any better - too stubborn to get to the crux of their dilemma. She brushed away her tears and quickened her step - determined to get their interview over and done with.

She felt herself suffocating, his presence almost too much to bear.

"Mac?" He hurried to catch up and noticed that her demeanor had changed so suddenly. "What was on those messages?" Harm reached a hand out for her, wrapping it around her bicep but, she just pulled away.

"I can't do this….Let's just get our interview over and done with." And then she walked off again, leaving Harm to trail behind.

She had managed to hold it together through the interview, hiding behind the Marine facade that had carried her through life's most tumultuous times. Mac could feel Harm's eyes on her as if he were trying to read her thoughts. Thankfully, he'd been professional - they were too good at that. Once done, she had headed for the sanctuary of the legal office, hoping he would leave her be. Unfortunately, he followed.

"What was on those messages?" He asked after closing the door. Refusing to let it go this time, he circled around stopping when he was a few feet away from Mac who was sitting at the desk. "Mac, please. What was on those messages?" His voice seemed small, fragile and unlike the self assured officer that he was. He could see the tears in her eyes that she wiped off with the back of her hand and his heart broke a little more. What had he done?

"Oh, now you're interested? It's a little late, Commander."

He cringed when she used his rank and how impersonal and cold it sounded. "Why do I feel like I've made the worst mistake of my life?"

Mac stared up at him and shrugged, every time things seemed to be on an even keel something would rock the boat. Although she knew that part of this was her fault, Mac couldn't help the ache she felt. God, did he hate her that much that he'd just delete the messages? "I can't keep on doing this with you… It hurts too damned much."

She stood, hoping to put some distance between them but, when she made to pass him and extricate herself from the situation, Harm reached out and grabbed her arm. He felt it then and by the way Mac gasped at his touch, he knew she felt it too - that unmistakable electricity between them. "Please, Mac. What was on those messages?"

Sadly, she brushed his hand away and shook her head. "You had your chance to find out."

"I'm sorry… I was angry, upset. You moved on with Clay and I…"

Ah. That explained his behavior and the irate way he seemed to just cut her out of his life. He just didn't have a damned clue. "I never moved on with clay."

"I saw you kiss him."

"What kiss?" She glared at him wondering what sort of craziness his mind was inventing until it dawned on her - Paraguay. "Oh. Are you talking about the Hacienda?" Off his look, Mac threw her hands up in exasperation. "For your information that's the first and only time I've kissed him."

First and only time. The notion made his heart sink to the pit of his stomach. Harm had been living a lie, believing that while he was off playing spook, Mac was doing more than just helping Webb heal from his injuries. "I thought… when I mentioned pillow talk and you said you didn't talk about me."

"Yeah well, I was upset too… it was easy for you to…" Easy for her to lead him on and try to gauge his reaction only they were interrupted. They were always interrupted. "You know, forget it… when we get back to town I am putting in for reassignment… It's time."

"Reassignment?" The word hurt more than Harm could imagine. Yes, they had issues but, he didn't want her gone - she couldn't leave - he couldn't take it again. "I don't want you to go, Mac… look we'll figure this out we always do."

"I want to believe you."

"Then tell me what was on those messages." He was practically begging now, something the was so unlike him and yet, he was desperate. "Please."

Mac took a deep breath and squeezed her eyes shut. She recalled them all; able to list each message same as her ability to tell time. She couldn't remember what she had for breakfast that morning but, she remembered the messages - all 17 of them.

"Message one: I asked you to call me back, you never did." She stared at him accusingly.

"Message two: I asked where you were, if you were alright, if you needed anything. Reminded you that we were still friends. No call back, not even a 'Hey' from you." Slowly, she began walking the small office, stopping just at the window to glance out at the hustle and bustle of the base below.

With a deep sigh, she continued. "Message three: I had overheard your conversation with Webb and begged you not to join the CIA." Mac had also cried herself to sleep that night, wondering if there was any way she could keep him at JAG. She had tried to speak to Chegwidden once again but, was shot down.

"Message four: I wondered if you were safe, if you needed anyone checking in on your place."

"Message five: I told you about James' Christening, hoping you'd show."

"Mesaage six: Told you Webb was trying to court me but, I wasn't sure what I wanted. I wasn't sure I wanted to."

"Message seven: I saw someone that looked like you at the pizza shop, made a fool of myself trying to get his attention until I realized it wasn't you." She smiled faintly at the memory and how, in her desperation to see him, she approached the wrong man.

"Message eight: Reminded you again of James' Christening, Harriet and Bud wanted you as the godfather… You should call them…"

"Message nine: I had hit my breaking point and cursed you for not calling me back, I said a few choice words, called you an arrogant jerk." She laughed ruefully at that particular message and how she relented a few minutes later.

"Message ten: Called back ten minutes after message nine to tell you I was sorry."

"Message eleven: Told you about the Christening, Mikey had taken your spot. Little AJ missed you… I missed you too." Mac wiped at the tear as is slid down her cheek and could feel Harm closing the distance between them. She turned to face him then, finding a sorrowful expression in his eyes. He had missed so much of their lives in such a short time. It was almost like the time he went back to flying only worse. She missed him so damned much.

"Message twelve: Called you crying when I had a nightmare that you had disappeared on a mission…"

At that, Harm came to Mac's side, he couldn't help the need to touch her, to comfort her. He needed it too, the comfort that he felt when he wrapped his arms around her. He felt her head fall to his shoulder and yet, her voice continued recounting the messages that he knew she remembered like her sense of timing.

"Message thirteen…"

"Mac, stop… You don't have to."

"You wanted to know…" Mac pulled away and stared up at him, she couldn't stop know, he had to know despite how the memory tugged at her heart. "Message thirteen: Jag is too quiet without you. I missed our banter… I hated looking into your office and not seeing you there."

"Message fourteen: I saw you on ZNN landing the C130. I told you I was proud and deserving of a heroes welcome. Asked you to call me again."

Harm sighed, "I should have called you when I got back. I know I just…" He tried to explain, to stop her from recounting something that he could see was hurting her but, Mac dragged on the torture.

"Message fifteen: One more time I went to Chegwidden to let you back in, we needed you…I told him that I needed you…"

"Message sixteen: I needed your help with Caroline's cases, I will come by at some point."

"Message seventeen…" At that Mac trailed off. She had reached her wits end there and bared her everything to him in one message. It was the last shot she would give them, the one time she would put her soul back on the line since that ferry ride so many years ago. "Message seventeen…"

Harm took her hand in his, urging her to continue. There was something in that last message that he needed to know about, he could see it in the way her eyes had locked onto his own. "Message 17?"

Mac closed her eyes, remembering every detail of the message. She was so vulnerable then and the constant ache in her chest would not abate. Clay was after her then as well, pushing her into a relationship she really didn't want, playing off of her vulnerability. 'Hey Harm, it's me, Mac. I've been trying to reach you for months now to no avail. You won't answer my calls, won't reply to my messages so, here's my final shot, the last chance I am willing to give us…. I love you. I'm in love with you and I can't stop worrying about you… I can't stop thinking about you. You have a right to be angry and hate me. But, talk to me. Call me, please.' And when he never called her back, when he never even attempted contact with her, Mac had given up.

"Mac? What was on that message?"

"Message 17 I said that I worried about you and I.. I loved you.. That I was in love with you. Why didn't you listen to them? I know I hurt you but, damnit, we were friends." Mac was crying then, unable to stop a heart wrenching sob that escaped her. She hated being this vulnerable in front of him. She hated that she single handedly destroyed them.

"Oh, Mac." He pulled her to him, holding Mac in a fierce hug as she cried. "I'm sorry." He said softly and tightened his hold on her until she calmed down.

"It's me that needs to apologize for what I said in Paraguay, for leading you on." She pressed her hands against his chest and moved back away from him. "I'm not sure where this leaves us now. Everything is such a mess."

Harm stared at her knowing just how precarious they were at the moment but, he didn't care. He was tired of living without her. "Do you still love me?"

"Yes." She said simply and brushed away one stray tear. "I can't exactly shut that off." Mac was surprised when he stepped towards her and his arms came around her. She was even more surprised to find him kissing her so sweetly her heart ached. "Harm?"

"Let's figure this out for once." He suggested and when Mac tried to object he kissed her again. "I mean it, Mac."


	45. The Stalker

Always hated when things never circled back. Was Mac okay? Did Harm drive her home? **The Stalker**

Mac shifted in her bed, stretching out to feel her body ache and protest. Her wrists burned as did her ankles, the remnants of a mad man who took her hostage and the ropes that bound her.

Her head was hammering and instinctively she knew that the moment she sat up the room would spin. It was a familiar sensation, one that an alcoholic would welcome each morning only to do it again the next day.

She hated the hangovers, the feeling of dehydration, the itch to crawl into a bottle and ease the discomfort. Hair of the dog was actually a thing. Only this time there would be no more drinking, ever. That part of her life was done, for good. How she had allowed herself to drink over Dalton Lowne was still a source of disappointment in herself.

They had been through and she hadn't particularly loved him. But, having him die in her arms reminded her too much of Eddie and a crash so many years ago that nearly took her life. She figured the desire to drink was growing. Even as she sat by her friends, specifically Harm, telling him she was fine, there was a craving. And now she lost control and had told him such hurtful words. Still, he was by her side, protecting her.

Mac could taste the foulness in her mouth from the vodka Coster had forced down her throat.

He had given her so much, forcing her to drink as he taunted her. And all she could think of was Harm. He had placed a tracker on her car as a way to find her effectively putting him in danger as well. Coster was armed and ready to kill anyone who stood in his way.

She closed her eyes and still saw Harm tumble down the stairs, Mac was sure Coster had killed him then or was about to. It was a memory she didn't want to recall along with the seemingly endless interrogation after the police arrived.

At the station Mac kept throwing up which received several annoyed glances from the detectives, most of which were unsure how a celebrated member of their team could have taken her. They made her feel like it was her fault until Harm barged his way in.

He explained what had happened and once the evidence arrived and Coster was taken into custody, the unfair treatment had ceased.

It seemed like forever until they were allowed to go home. Harm had driven her, Mac's car was taken to impound in order to collect any evidence found. He had carried her into the building when she tried to get out of his Corvette and stumbled.

He then proceeded to carry her into her apartment and lay her in bed. She hazily recalled how sweet he was, how gentle when he took off her heels and brought the covers over her. He had gone to her bathroom and retrieved a wet washcloth that he smoothed over her face.

"Stay." Mac asked of him and felt the edge of the bed shift under his weight as he sat down. She passed out sometime later.

When she finally made it out of bed, she headed directly to the shower noting with a hint of sadness that Harm was gone. She brushed her teeth, scrubbed her tongue and rinsed with mouthwash. It made her feel better but, the vestiges of a hangover still stung, requiring coffee and some sustenance.

To her surprise, when she stepped out into the living room, she found Harm stretched out on her sofa. His dress shirt was untucked and several buttons were opened. His left ankle was raised with a towel over it and an ice pack that clearly had melted. His head was resting on a decorative pillow and her throw hung off of him half covering his waist.

He had a bit of a five o'clock shadow which she rarely saw on him. Harm was every bit the well groomed Naval Officer and now seemed anything but. His hair was sticking up in odd angles and she wanted to run a hand over the errant strands.

Carefully, Mac settled on her coffee table and just watched him sleep. There was a boyish innocence to him in slumber when his body was relaxed. It was endearing.

She felt something then, an awareness that Mac hadn't wanted to dwell on. She had always found him attractive. Sexy. But, there was a line not to he crossed with a coworker especially one that she respected so much. Harm treated her fairly, like an equal which was difficult to find as a woman in a male dominating military.

But, there was something else that she had begun to pick up on - a look he gave her that Mac had caught on several occasions. It made her feel good, desired. Only it opened up her heart to feel something more than a friendly kind of love for him.

Mac had pushed the thought aside so many times and now it was there, in front of her unable to be denied. She had fallen for her partner. The idea was startling in a way and freeing just the same.

It felt good to admit that little fact to herself and yet, it was unsettling as well. With a sigh, she stood from the coffee table and made her way to the kitchen. She quietly prepared coffee and began toasting a bagel after downing a handful of aspirin.

When she turned to get the cream cheese out of the refrigerator, she rammed right into Harm. The smell of coffee brewing had woken him up and he'd sleepily followed the source.

His hands came up to Mac's shoulders and hers to his chest. They stood that way for several long moments. Her fingers splayed over the hard planes of his chest. The man had filled out some ever since she called him 'Stickboy.' His muscles were hard and radiated a kind of warmth that Mac wanted to be wrapped in. She felt safe with him in a way she hadn't with anyone else.

When she made to pull away, Harm's hands that were still on her shoulders began to move, following the contours of her arms until his large hands settled over her own that were still on his chest.

Mac could feel an erratic beating of his heart under her palm which seemed to beat wilder when he pressed her hands against his chest. She had to be dreaming, Mac thought until his head dipped down and his lips found hers.


	46. Persian Gulf

**PERSIAN GULF.**

"I shot him. Sadik is dead." Harm could only stare at the woman at his doorstep. He looked her up and down noticing the tears in her clothing and the haphazard way her coat hung over her shoulders.

His eyes settled on her face, specifically her lip which was broken and bleeding. Mac may have killed him but, the bastard got a few shots in as well. "Oh, Mac." Harm couldn't help but pull her to him, his arms wrapped tightly around her as she settled into his embrace.

Mac buried her face in his chest and at once the stoic Marine that was holding on by a thread crumbled. She cried hard, her body shaking when she sobbed uncontrollably. She could barely hear Harm's voice as he whispered to her and held her even tighter - an act that caused some pain over her bruised body.

She winced audibly, when his hand slid down her back to the posterior section of her right ribs. Almost instantly, Harm pulled away from her, noting how Mac's hand came protectively over her ribs. "Are they broken?" She shrugged and her big brown eyes seemed almost childlike. "May I?" Harm tugged the edges of the coat that was still draped over her.

As an answer, Mac handed it to Harm who placed it on his coat rack. She began to shiver and he took her hand and led her to his bathroom. He urged her to shower and change into a pair of his sweats.

The shower made her feel marginally better and when Mac stepped out of his room she found Harm sitting on the sofa with his first aid kit on the coffee table. She quietly sat next to him as he tended to her wounds, carefully treating each one with delicate care.

He asked her to lift the sweat shirt and opened up a small jar of ointment. "Arnica." He explained and began to lather her ribs where he saw an ugly mark. "I use it for my knee when it hurts."

Mac's breath hitched when his fingers met her skin and at once everything she still felt for him bubbled to the surface. Damnit, she still loved him and always would, she supposed. The walls she erected around herself after returning from Paraguay began to crumble when he'd been hurt. "I shot him."

"You did what you had to. He would keep hurting innocent people if you hadn't." He brought his clean hand up, cupping her face gently as his thumb brushed away a stray tear.

His other hand was still on her side absentmindedly caressing her skin.

"I did it for me… And for Clay...And"

Harm nodded and at the mention of the spy, both of his hands dropped away from her. "I understand." He interrupted. Unable to look her in the eyes, he busied himself putting the items back into the first aid kit.

"You didn't let me finish… I also shot him for you. For us. For everything Paraguay took from us." Mac's hands stilled his, she cupped his face with both her hands and forced Harm to look at her. "It's always been about me and you." She leaned in and pressed a kiss on his lips sighing when he leaned into her. "I love you."


	47. A Tangled Webb 2

**A Tangled Webb 2** "Things are never going to work out between us. We both want to be on top and that is physically and emotionally impossible." Mac took a breath and turned away from Harm no longer able to stand the way he was looking at her.

His face fell as she spoke making her heart break and shatter. The words were a relief of sorts, a weight lifted off of her shoulders. They had been running in an endless, emotional loop for far too long. Despite nearly dying and Harm giving up so much to save her, things were back to the status quo.

He was playing the jealousy card, leveling hurtful words meant to hide his own insecurity. The mentioning of her exs was the final straw and even though she loved him, the constant pinning over a fruitless relationship was unhealthy. Mac needed a clean break from the man who couldn't state exactly what he wanted from her.

If he loved her, Harm wouldn't have treated her like this was her fault. She didn't ask him to give up his career and nearly die saving her. She didn't deserve the looks he gave her, the disappointment in his eyes over her concern for Webb.

 _Never_. The word gutted him in ways a weapon never could. Mac had destroyed him with just one sentence, spun on platform sandals headed back into the hotel. It appeared she wasn't joking about not leaving so soon. He, on the other hand was itching to get home.

Harm watched the taxi driver grow irritated and then finally head off leaving him at the cab stand. He took his duffle bag and stepped away suddenly unsure of what he should do or where he would go.

He was going to miss his flight and spend more time in this stupid city all because of, "Webb." Harm ground out the name and instantly his jealousy kicked up a notch. When the hell did Webb and Mac grow so close? What had he missed? And why in the hell was she kissing him?!

Harm scrubbed a hand over his face and resisted the urge to punch something. He came down here, he saved the girl and...and...and what? _"You aren't even glad to see me."_ Mac's words echoed in his head and Harm instantly felt his heart squeeze.

She was right, he hadn't exactly acted happy that she was safe. He merely slipped into 'business as usual' and gotten through it.

They hadn't been kind to each other, not like the best friends they were. They had tried to one up each other with one snide comment after the next. And he'd won until she went for the jugular. It was a game that he excelled at - pushing Mac's buttons was his thing. Only the comment about her ex's had been too much. If she only knew how much he resembled that remark. He too felt dead inside over her and for the first time, Harm realized he could remedy that situation.

She could have left with Webb but chose to stay with him. That had to mean something, didn't it?

Harm grabbed his duffle and made his way into Nuevo Simpatico, stopping when he found Mac sitting in an oversized chair in the lobby sipping a cafe.

Without an invitation, he took the chair next to hers and pulled it closer to hers. "No."

"No?" She seemed thoroughly irritated by his presence and placed the coffee cup down to give him her undivided attention. Harm didn't see her hand shake and hoped he didn't see the lie in her eyes. _"Things are never going to work out between us."_ She regretted the words the minute she said them but, there had been no turning back.

"No. I don't want or need to be on top."

"Right. Which is why you run over me for everything? Or feel the need to bring up my exs every time your ego takes a hit?"

Harm winced at her words and brought his hands up in surrender. "I was out of line last night.. I just… it's… damnit." He turned from her gaze for a moment and sighed. She was right, his ego had taken a hit. "You and Webb?"

"Jesus Christ, Harm! There is _nothing_ going on between me and Webb. Not _that_ way. He kept me safe. I'm sorry if I was kind to him." She shook in anger and resisted the urge to slam her fists into his chest and knock some sense into him.

"You never should have come. You would have been safe back home."

Mac sighed. She should have stayed in Washington, but her sense of duty wouldn't let her. "But, I did come here and I can't change that."

"I asked you not to and you walked away from me." Harm reached out and took one of her hands, his gaze softening as he studied her knuckles and the slight cuts over her skin from her mele with a terrorist. "I should have stopped you. I'm sorry I didn't."

He brought that same hand to her face, thumb brushing lightly over one of the scars that makeup could barely hide. Mac shivered from his tender touch and turned her head away from his hand. "I meant what I said, we aren't going to work out. And it's destroying me inside to keep feeling things for you that you don't feel for me." Starting over, she decided, had been a bad idea. There was too much water over the bridge, too many mistakes made by both of them.

"I _have_ feelings for you."

His admission forced Mac to turn back to him in challenge. "Do you? Because you have an odd way of showing it."

Harm swallowed hard. He couldn't deny what he felt anymore especially when he'd given up so much to have her. _"What are you willing to do to keep her?"_ Chegwidden's words echoed in his head. It was now or never. "What if I told you that I loved you?"

Mac's mouth hung open, her lips moving but no words came out. "You… what?"

"Love you. Need you, can't live without you?" He smiled at the expression on her face. He had pressed another one of Mac's buttons and maybe this was the right one? She had accused him of not being able to let go and there was good reason for it. Once he committed to something, Harm did so completely.

"I… uh."

"I came here for _you_. I gave up JAG, the Navy for _you_ and I would do it again for _you_." Harm brought his head closer to her and his eyes couldn't help but drop to those full lips that she licked to moisten. "Because I'm in love with _you_ , Mac." And then, he kissed her.


	48. Death Watch

Harm padded out into the kitchen wearing nothing more than his boxers. He was starving, the grumbling of his stomach pulling him out of the best sleep he'd had in months.

As he grabbed the carafe to start a pot of coffee he felt her come up behind him, arms circling his waist as she pressed a kiss on his back. He grinned at the physical contact and turned to face Mac.

He was pretty sure she'd never looked so beautiful. Tousled hair, sleep laden gaze, wrapped up in his bed sheet and a sultry smile that made him want to kiss her so he did. "Are you okay?" She said when they broke apart.

"I'm fine. I'm great, actually."

"No awkward morning after?" She grinned impishly at him as his hands slipped under the sheet to touch her bare skin. He shook his head and then kissed her again as his hunger turned away from food to her. "Take me back to bed." Mac commanded, giggling when he tossed her over his shoulder and did just that.

His body covered her own once he placed her on the bed. "You're addicting." Harm admitted when her hands pushed the boxers of his hips.

"Not too bad yourself, flyboy." She cooed, before he joined them.

"I love you, Mac."

How they'd initially become lovers was Mac's doing. She had gone to his apartment for a working dinner only to find him carrying a loaded gun and hell bent on revenge.

She'd seen the picture of Diane Shonke and the last two years began to make sense. It was why he kept her at a slight distance. Why Harm didn't divulge too much of himself. Why he looked at her a certain way that made the hair stand at the back of her neck.

At that very moment, she knew part of his actions towards her was a sort of resentment. Her heart squeezed when he took the picture away, an action that made her feel like she meant nothing to him.

It made so much sense why he could flirt with her but her own interests were rebutted with those stupid traffic signals. Mac pushed him for answers and got more than she bargained for. The love story of two people that missed more than connected. But, it wasn't love that she saw in his eyes, it was regret and anger.

"I can't believe you've been hunting a killer for two years and never told me."

"You never kept a secret from me?" He pointed out with a sly look. "Look, I have to go Mac. Either leave or I'm locking you in."

As he made to push past her, Mac saw her chance. She brushed against him removing the pistol from the small of his back and unloading it. "Give me the gun, Mac." His voice was steely as he circled back to her, stopping just a breath away.

"Finish telling me what happened. You don't tell a joke and not deliver the punchline."

"This isn't a joke."

"Then tell me because I'm your partner."

"That's why I'm not going to tell you." He tried to take the gun away but, Mac simply removed the magazine and flinged it across the room. The sound of ammo clinking on his floors angered him more. "Goddamnit, Mac!"

"I'm not gonna let you take a life and throw yours away!" She yelled.

"Why do you care? Huh?" He was moving in on her, still trying to find a way to take the pistol away. She moved away from him, rounding his coffee table to keep it between them. "Give me the gun, Mac."

"No." Her voice was woody much the way Mac spoke when she was in uniform. The Marine wouldn't be deterred. She would save him from ruining himself at all costs.

The look in her eyes made Harm want to cry. "Why does my life matter so much to you?"

"Because I'm in love with you." Mac said with certainty. It was a truth she'd been hiding away from herself as much as him. Something had changed after he'd saved her from Coster. A realization of sorts that her love for Harmon Rabb, Junior was more than just platonic.

In the course of the last two years, she'd fallen for him, hard. "I'm in love with you and I won't see you throw your life away." She placed the gun on the coffee table and made her way around to him.

 _'I'm in love with you.'_ Harm stood rooted in place, winds completely taken out of his sails. No one had ever said those words to him. Not Diane, not Annie, no one. What shocked him the most was how it made him feel and the conflicting emotions he had over his partner dissipated.

He could no longer think about Holbarth and the revenge he wanted to exact. The woman that was now standing in from of him was the center of all his thoughts. It made so much sense now, the jealousy towards Dalton, the hurt he felt when she left JAG. the fierce need to protect her from a stalker.

It wasn't all the actions of a concerned friend. He too had been falling for Sarah MacKenzie. "Mac...I." His breath was heaving from the intense emotions and just like that, Harm pulled into his arms.

He kissed Mac almost desperately and felt the raging storm within him cease completely. He lifted her up and he legs came around his waist as he carried her to his bedroom where they finally bridge the gap between friends and lovers.


	49. After The Mission

I was watching 'The Mission' (S7) and was totally enthralled by Mac's expressions, her concern for Harm that was clearly visible... So... This is an 'after the ep' one. Enjoy...

Thank you for all of the reviews. These little snippets have been fun and frustrating to write.

 **After The Mission**

Mac sat in her bed, legs drawn up to her chest. She took a breath, then another and another but couldn't seem to quash the turmoil that raged inside. She and Harm had been sent to a carrier in order to teach and evaluate JAG officers performances in a time of war.

Somehow, Harm wound up piloting an F14 and flying a mission that posed a little more dangerous than she was comfortable with. Mac had voiced her concerns to the skipper about an impending Stinger attack and was reminded that they were at war. She had done her job, approved the strike and then… and then…

...Of course he'd get into trouble, they were magnets for it. Of course his Tomcat, despite having four other birds in the air, would be the only one to sustain damage - so much that it prevented mid-air fueling forcing Harm to limp back to the ship.

Mac had remained stoic, passive like the good Marine that she was. Never did she show the fear she felt which tightened around her heart like a vice; the bridge wasn't the place for it. So she waited, watching on baited breath as his plane came into view.

She heard the conversation over comms. The verbal directions given by the LSO for Harm to give the plane more power than it had left. And then…and then, she gripped the edges of the counsel she was standing over as one word came across the line. 'Eject! Eject!'

Mac nearly cried out his name which only stalled in her throat because it had gone dry. From her vantage point, she saw the plane pitching violently and finally, as if God had answered her prayers, the afterburner lit at the very last second. The Tomcat landed on the deck with a loud 'thud' but, Harm was back, he was alive. Safe.

It felt like a lifetime when they met again, several decks below. His RIO had been joking about their near death experience and Mac couldn't mask the jealousy of his flirtatious nature with the other woman.

"Were you worried?" He had asked and Mac knew her eyes had given her away.

She'd grinned at him and walked away throwing a casual, "Not for a minute" over her shoulder without waiting for a reply. They had concluded their assignment and headed home. She hadn't discussed her concern for him, it was part of the job, life in the military. Mac had managed to all but forget about it. Only she hadn't, not really.

Now, as she sat alone in her bedroom with the adrenaline rush gone, her concern for him was stifling.

It wasn't so much the danger of the mission or the fact that she'd authorized it. No, it stemmed farther back, several months into the past when his beloved F14 had almost taken him from her.

Just like that, she was taken back to that terrible night in May when he'd ejected somewhere over the Atlantic and nearly disappeared forever from her life. Mac loved him then, always had, but it wasn't until that very night when his life hung in the balance that she realized how much.

She wasn't supposed to fall in love with him and yet she had so completely that her heart shattered at the very notion of his disappearance. Though he was alive, though he'd been saved, her heart never quite mended as circumstances beyond their control threatened to keep them apart.

Despite regaining their friendship, there was a piece of her still missing - a part of her heart that Harm held though he likely never knew.

She pressed a hand to her chest, hoping to stymie the dull ache only to have it intensify. 'Eject! Eject!' Mac shut her eyes, willing the pain to subside. It wouldn't and beyond her better judgement Mac found herself standing outside his door an hour later.

It was the middle of the night, her intrusion would likely upset him. When Harm answered his door and his eyes glanced at her with a sleep ladded haze, Mac stepped into him. "I was worried for you, it terrifies me when you fly. Not just because you are my friend but...because...because.. I'm in love with you."

Her words cut through the fog in his mind and the part of his own heart that had been fractured since Mac had agreed to Mic's proposal mended at an instant. "Thank God." Without another word, he pulled Mac into his arms and his head bent down to hers.

Mac sighed when his lips touched hers in a kiss that was achingly sweet.. It held nothing of the desperation from that kiss they shared months earlier only a love that couldn't be measured. She felt Harm pull her closer as his hand reached around to close his door. "Stay." He asked her in a sexy bedroom voice.

Even before she verbally agreed, Harm was walking froward, backing her towards the general direction of his bedroom.

"For how long?" She had stopped his movement with a hand on his chest and a raised brow. Her tone was meant to challenge him, expecting a quip in return.

Instead Harm surprised her. "Stay forever."


	50. 4 Percent Solution

I HATED THIS SCENE!!! Season 10 and you're still having them go around in circles?! Which scene? Mac's memory of going to Harm's apartment to find Alicia Montes there. WHAT WAS THE POINT?

Why couldn't they just talk? Have Harm give the blonde a heave ho and chat with his best friend whom he told he'd always be there for? UGH!!!!!!!!!!

 _'This is stupid.'_ Mac thought as she ran her fingers through the strands of her long hair. She had tousled hair inside her car, put it up in a pony tail and back down on the short elevator ride.

It had grown out considerably as she decided to do away with the short do.which was easier to maintain in the military. The longer hair was a change of sorts, a way to feel more feminine, desirable. She'd even worn that pink, fuzzy sweater that dipped just enough down her chest to entice. Not that she was there to seduce, mind you.

She needed a friend, the man that would never abandon her, someone to kick her butt and set her straight again. She just needed _him_ and despite a battle with insomnia and the migraines that accompanied it, Mac was damned if she would arrive at Harm's doorstep looking like a frump.

Between Paraguay, Webbs death and resurrection, she had lost herself, become someone she wasn't. Mac knew it was PTSD but couldn't bring herself back to Dr. McCool. There were people more screwed up than her, more in need. She had friends, a sort of family that she'd been alienating because… well, because.

She took a shaky breath and poised her hand to knock. Why was she nervous? This was Harm, her friend. Her...she sighed again and shook her head. They had never been _just_ friends. With him it was always something deeper although they'd never been intimate. For the better half of 8 years, he was everything to her even when they were dating others.

There was something cosmic about them, an otherworldly kind of force that always brought them back together. He was the man she wanted, the one she always intended to be with albeit their resistance to give a relationship a shot.

Mac was _in love_ with Harm. Irrefutably _in love_ and had been for years. No other man could come close to making her feel what he did and no other man ever would. And they danced around their relationship, chosng to find comfort in the arms of another for reasons she couldn't understand. She was _in love_ with him and it was time to make a stand, crash into his arms and pray he never let her go.

 _'Do it, MacKenzie.'_ She urged herself on finally taking the initiative to knock on his metal door. It was done with such force that it left a dull ache on her knuckles. For the first time, she heard the music, a soft jazz that Harm only played when he was entertaining.

It brought her back to a night, years ago, when she'd come to him only to find Bobbi Latham a little too at home in his loft. Suddenly, the air around her felt thick, stifling. She waited on baited breath until he appeared at the door.

Harm was dressed nice, wearing a dress shirt and slacks, like a man that was about to go on a date. Mac pushed away the oddity of his parallel with another night so many years ago and found herself speaking. Rambling, really. All her bravado had gone away, left with the empty shell of a woman who needed her friend, her best friend.

"I was gonna say I was in the neighborhood and thought I'd stop but, umm… there's nothing in your neighborhood." She smiled at him expecting he would open the door wider to let her pass as was their custom.

Instead, Harm hesitated as his eyes quickly looked her up and down, a look of disappointment in his eyes. "You want to talk."

"That would be good." She was ready, or so Mac thought. Ready to give them a shot to finally stop that dance that had robbed them for so many years. She wanted to be his completely and hoped he was willing.

His hesitation made a chill run down her spine. "Can it wait till morning?"

"You busy?"

"Well, were about to sit down."

"Oh, I thought Mattie was with her dad." She tried to peak around the door that he was holding steady, expecting to find Mattie had returned for the evening.

"She is." Instead, a blonde arrived at his side, holding a glass of wine and seeming a little too a home.

"Hey Colonel!" _Alicia Montes._ The woman smiled at her in a way that was entirely too smug, in a "I stole your man" expression that made Mac's skin crawl. It held a feeling of dejavu for her and she knew the instant her face fell as the feeling of insignificance crushed her heart.

Then again, what could she expect? She pushed Harm away, threw Webb in his face time and time again.

He had a right to move on, to be happy. But, why her?

Mac glanced between the two, almost unable to speak. She felt like such a fool.

Harm seemed uncomfortable as if being caught cheating. He glanced between both women and a smile he had for Mac just a few moments ago disappeared.

Alicia caught the discomfort and motioned towards the kitchen. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to butt in but the timer went off." She glanced at Harm adoringly and Mac resisted the urge to roll her eyes.

"Oh! Hang on one second." He raised his index finger towards Mac and then rushed off towards the direction of the kitchen.

"Why don't you come in?" Alicia suggested but, Mac caught the undertone of her voice. She was trying to be polite but clearly wanted her gone.

"No, you guys enjoy your meal."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, I was just in the neighborhood so…" Mac rushed away, quickly moving into the safety of the elevator. She pulled the gate shut and glanced at Harm's now closed door… jazz music still spilling out from inside.

Mac had to face the fact… they were over… she ran out of time.

It would be an hour later when Harm found her sitting on the steps halfway up the Lincoln memorial. He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding and carefully approached her. Mac was still wearing the same sweater, one that she looked extremely sexy in. Her shoulders were slumped and as he moved closer, he could tell she was shivering.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" She could sense him near, it was almost impossible to ignore his presence. Even as she stared out across the Mall, eyes focused on the Washington Monument, Mac could feel him coming closer, stopping a short distance from her.

"You are, yes."

"Please." Mac snorted at his comment, it was a little too late. "How'd you find me?"

"I always know where you are." Although it had taken an unsuccessful drive to her apartment for him to figure out where she had gone. Mac had often taken trips to the Mall in order to clear her head. "May I?"

She shrugged, "It's a public place. Sit wherever you want." And he did, right next to her, but not before he draped the leather jacket he'd been wearing over her shoulders. Unconsciously, she turned her face into the collar, inhaling the scent that was a mix of leather and Harm. Damn did he always smell good.

"Why did you leave? I told you to hold on."

"Because you were on a date and I'm not about to be the third wheel. It's not my style."

"I wasn't…" Harm began but his argument fell flat. While he wasn't on a date with Alicia, he had been enjoying the female attention - the way the woman hung on his every word. But, while she was good looking, Alicia wasn't Mac. "It was work."

"Oh yeah, that looked like work." She eyed him for a second - he was still wearing the dress shirt that accentuated the muscles of his wide chest. The top buttons open to show some skin. Any woman would have eaten him up.

"You jealous, Marine?"

Mac took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "What if I say 'yes'? What if I admit that it bothers me to see you with another woman?" She turned away from him and glanced down at the still water which had been disturbed by some animal. "I can't blame you. I'm a goddamn mess; you don't need a woman like me in your life."

"Mac…"

"No, it's okay. I love you enough that I want you to be happy even if it's without me." Mac felt him tense at the mention of the L word, it was almost comical.

'I love you.' Harm's heart began to race at an inexplicable race. For a time, he wasn't sure why he kept waiting for her, pinning really for a woman that was entirely too hurt over Webb's deception. He'd taken the brunt of her pain, tried to be there when she kept pushing him away. For a time, he figured the feelings one-sided and now, she loved him. Despite his flaws and mistakes. She still loved him. "You love me?"

"Yes. Pretty sure there hasn't been a time when I wasn't in love with you."

He could only stare at her as the admission of her feelings shattered the loneliness he'd been feeling since Paraguay. If what Mac said was true, she'd loved him from the very beginning - it was a truth that saddened him. They could have been together years ago, should have and he'd messed it up terribly.

"Its okay, you don't have to say a thing… I'll be fine. We're still friends." Only Mac hadn't realized that he'd taken her hand and was running lazy patterns on it with his thumb. There was something about the touch that sent a rush of electricity coursing through her and magnified back to him. When she looked in his eyes she saw an intensity there, the same look he'd given her before they kissed that night on the Admiral's porch.

And then he leaned in, lips meeting hers soft and tentative. He kissed her gently, slowly. Only the passion between them sizzled and grew. Before long, soft kisses gave way to an exploration of mouths. tongues. She moaned when his fingers found the hem of the soft sweater and traced the bit of exposed skin underneath his jacket.

"I love you too." Harm finally said once his brain brought him back to the moment and the fact that they'd just made out in public. She looked at him with a dazed, yet sexy expression and a smile that widened before her lips claimed his again.


	51. Shakedown

Loved this ep! Their banter is fun! The meatless meatloaf part was hysterical and almost a couple's argument of sorts. Mac's concern for him flying is a little heartbreaking. How about we add a shippery moment after Harm tells Mac she's afraid of losing him, shall we?

 **Shakedown**

Mac neared the officer's mess in search of a strong cup of coffee only to find one of the fighter squadrons fawning over their latest mission. She was going to squeeze past them, disperse some of the junior officers until she saw _him_.

There amidst the jetjocks was Harm, eyes glued to the TV overhead as it replayed a missile striking its target. He sensed her presence and turned to find her shaking her head, disappointment evident in her eyes. Her need for caffeine dissipated and Mac was struck with a confusing sense of grief.

Yes, _grief_. She was already grieving his loss, something Mac could sense was looming. Sardonically she wondered if it felt the same for him? - A kind of grief when she'd left JAG for the prospects of private law. Things were different now, they had grown closer and spent an increasingly amount of time together. They were 'just friends' but then, a friend wouldn't feel the way she did.

The more time she spent around him, the more she felt a pull, magnetic and unstoppable. She wouldn't fall for him, couldn't be stupid enough to become involved with a coworker because those kinds of relationships never ended well.

Hell, who was she kidding anyway? She couldn't stop herself from falling for Harm because she already fell nearly three years ago in the Arizona desert.

Which was why it hurt so bad to see the look in his eyes when Harm was around jets and pilots. It was like being a JAG didn't matter; like she didn't matter. Maybe she needed to spend less time with him? Rip the band-aid off with one hard pull and try to ignore her feelings.

She felt when he caught up to her and Mac resisted the urge to scream. "Mac, I was just listening." Except he wasn't and despite her warnings about him replacing one obsession for another, Harm kept avoiding the issue and denied her implication.

"No? I see it in your eyes, Harm whenever you're around pilots and jets. It seems you're happiest when you're flying."

"Maybe I am."

His words hurt her already fragile heart. "More than being a lawyer?"

Sensing the tension, Harm broke out his flyboy grin. He would try the charming approach. "I know why you don't want me to fly. You're just afraid of losing me."

His words made Mac stop in the corridor. Her shoulders slumped and sad eyes that she could no longer mask met his. "Maybe. And maybe I'm just afraid that you'll lose yourself." She turned away from him then and made a retreat to the legal office.

Mac hadn't expected him to follow and yet he did. "Mac? What the hell is going on? You're starting to worry me." He pulled out a chair and sat next to her trying to gauge her expression.

"It's nothing you want to talk about." Roughly, she punched her credentials into the keyboard with her unbandaged hand as she accessed her emails. "Clearly, _I_ just need to get over it. We have an investigation to conduct." She threw the words he'd used on the Watertown back at Harm and could feel him tense.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Mac sighed and gave him a pointed glare. Either the man was obtuse or enjoyed hurting her. "Nevermind."

"Mac, please."

It was clear he wasn't letting it go this time. So much for the band aid approach. She was going to mount another defense when his hand reached out covered her own. His touch sent an odd, tingly feeling running through her and from the look in his eyes, Harm felt it too.

"I have feelings for you." She blurted out and then groaned at the admission. Mac pulled her hand out from under his and stood in an attempt to put some space between them. This couldn't end well.

After some time she heard his voice and sensed his nearness. Harm was standing right behind her. "What kind of feelings?" When she didn't answer immediately, Harm placed his hands on Mac's shoulders and turned her to face him. "Mac, what kind of feelings?"

She took a deep breath and let it out slowly not knowing if her heart was about to be shattered completely. "Love." When her eyes met his Mac was sure she'd never seen them so blue. His iris had taken an almost cerulean shade. "I'm in love with mmmmm."

Harm took her lips at once, barely letting Mac get the words out. His strong arms pulled her close, crushing her body against his when he met with no resistance. She melted into him, moaning when his tongue licked and then parted the seam of her lips to tangle with her own.

They only broke apart when an announcement came over the speaker and even then, Harm couldn't fully let her go. "You're not the only one with feelings, Mac." He admitted and pressed a chaste kiss on her lips.


	52. Legacy Pt 2

**After Legacy Pt 2**

Harm woke up tangled in bed sheets with a warm body pressed against his. Her head lay on his shoulder and one of her hands rested on his chest threaded with his own. He stared at the sleeping woman in his arms and grinned. Mac was, in a word, _amazing_ and it tore his heart to think he could have lost her.

They'd missed their flight and wound up having to share a tiny hotel room with an equally tiny bed in Moscow. He was upset with her, furious at how she could have been so reckless. She shouldn't have followed him to Chechnya. Hell, she never should have been sent to Russia in the first place. What in the hell were Webb and Chegwidden thinking?

Harm had been relatively quiet on the trip from Chechnya to Moscow. The discovery of his half-brother had brought up feelings and emotions he thought were over and done with two years prior when he learned of his father's death.

Now he was faced with a new secret about his father and the weight of having to tell his mom that her missing husband's last years on Earth were spent in the arms of another. The idea pained him greatly although he couldn't be upset with his father when the man never knew if he'd ever come home.

Thoughts of his family were overshadowed with the notion that Mac had Alexie to travel to Chechnya. The reports of hostile activity near the area had grown exponentially. And yet she'd ignored orders and made the trip anyway in a goddamn taxi out of all things.

Yes, she'd helped thwart an assasination attempt and frankly, helped get Sergie out of jail but, it had been foolish of her to follow him.

Harm thought about the last time she followed, the adventure they went on. He was foolish then too, pursuing a dream without any real care about life or death. And Mac stayed with him despite his obsession leading them deeper and deeper into trouble, she stayed and was his voice of reason.

This time it felt different, the thought of her traveling to Chechneya without backup, without _him_ had displeased him greatly and he couldn't hide it any longer once they'd made it to the hotel room. "You are insane, Mac, you know that?"

"You're angry at me." It was a simple statement from her part, one that had gnawed on Mac as she felt the tension from him. He wasn't speaking to her on the trip to Moscow save for a few one word responses. She'd known from the moment she stepped into that cell that he'd be pissed.

Harm sat on the edge of the bed and scowled at her. " _Furious_."

"I'm a Marine…"

He waved her off. "You aren't bulletproof and you didn't have a batallion behind you." He tried to make his point. "Mac, you could have been killed."

"But I wasn't...I'm okay and I'm glad I did it… Had I not."

"They would have eventually figured it out." He interrupted.

" _You_ were reckless just as much as I was. Your duty was to ride a desk not traipse through Russia."

"At least I wasn't driving around in a cab through a war torn country." When Mac made to defend her actions Harm stood and took a step towards her. The heat of his gaze made he stop and lose whatever fight she had in her. "Mac." He said her name with reverence as his hands came to her shoulders. "I could have lost you."

His words were soft, tender even and the heated gaze softened to something Mac had seen before but didn't understand. One of his hands slid from her shoulder, down her arm to wrap around Mac's right hand. The touch was gentle but left her skin tingling beneath the leather jacket she wore. Harm took her hand raised it up to eye level where he could clearly see the shining diamond of her pseudo-engagement ring. It glinted from the light shining through the hotel room window and an unbelievable sadness weighed over him. "I already lost you, I guess."

Mac glanced between the ring and his eyes, her breath catching when she saw the hurt. Unabashed, unhidden the anguish shown in his blue eyes making her heart squeeze tightly. She loved him, always had and maybe she made a mistake. _Maybe_? _Hah_. When the euphoria of Mic's proposal wore off, there was no maybe about it. She'd screwed up - let her vulnerability made her feel something for the Aussie that was never there and never would be.

She didn't love Mic like she loved Harm and it was time to fix that. "I'm still here. _I'm. Still. Here_." She punctuated the words and found hid anguished look replaced by something else.

Harm's hands cupped her cheeks and he held steady for a moment as if memorising her face. When his lips descended on hers the kiss was soft, gentle and so incredibly sweet. He kissed her slowly, letting his hands fall away from her face and circle behind Mac's body, drawing her closer.

It was impossible to stop the passion that was to follow like a flame being sparked and turning into a five alarm fire. They practically tore at each others clothes, falling into the full sized bed in a tangle of limbs and sheets.

They made love twice and for the life of him Harm couldn't understand why he didn't give into her in Sydney. What he felt for her was incredibly profound, no one could hold a candle to Mac.

Sighing, Harm opened his eyes only for them to drift to their joined hands on his chest and that goddamn ring that mocked him.

The last year had been a disaster and it was all his fault. He should have never left to fly - should have never left her. It was his fault she went to another man, when he was too scared and stupid to undersrand that eveeything he needes was standing right before him.

Mic just wasn't right for her. Eventually the man would crush her beautiful soul, taken away dverything that was so wounderoisly Mac Eveeyone liked Mic and that stupid facade he put up that Harm could see through. He'd done nothing to stop her in Sydney or the subsequent months since Mac had taken his ring. He played the good friend albeit a jealous one. And now… now he couldn't pretend to not love Mac when he almost lost her.

"What's wrong?" She said when Harm shifted on the bed.

"Bed's too small."

Mac grinned at his reply and snuggled into him. "I thought we did pretty well on it considering." She brought her head off his shoulder to look at him. "Still mad at me?"

"Yes."

"Harm… let it go." She sighed, following his gaze to find it transfixed on her hand and that ring.

"Why did you go to him so quickly?"

Mac sighed again, her heart hurting over his broken tone of voice. She pulled her hand out from under his and stared at the ring which had begun to feel like a noose. "I thought you didn't love me."

"Mac I…"

"Tell me not to marry him."

He looked away from the ring and into her eyes finding unshed tears and the same expression he'd seen years ago when he left to fly. Harm realized it now as he did then - love. She loved him. "Don't marry, Mic."

With that, Mac sat up, using the sheet to cover her nakedness before removing the circle from her finger and placing it in his palm.

"Is it that simple?" He marveled at the ring in his hand, testing the weight.

"I've loved you since we met." She admitted and lowered herself down to rest her head on his chest. "I've always wanted this…Wanted you."

"I love you too, Mac." He opened his palm and let the ring fall to the floor.


	53. Life Or Death

**LIFE OR DEATH**

\- After Mic leaves to go back to Australia in S5 Mac goes to Harms place...

Try as she might Mac couldn't shake the overwhelming sense of guilt. Her client was being put to death due to her ineffective counsel, a burden she shared with his former counsel AJ Chegwidden. She wasn't against the death penalty perse, it was just the merits of the case that gave her a change of heart.

The man had asked for help and it had been denied, a fact Mac believed may have saved the man from the murders that he committed. As far as she was concerned, the Corps had failed to keep its Marine's safe.

Harm had told her that a client's life or death was held in the hands of the members not the lawyers. He wouldn't give her a straight answer when she asked him about the death penalty but, as her client was taken away in Chains she saw the look in Harm's eyes, a guilt at matched her own.

After Mic's farewell party at McMurphy's she couldn't bring herself to drive home instead drove round the city, taking a glimpse of The Monuments from outside her Corvette's windows. Eventually her vehicle wound up somewhere North of Union Station.

Being almost past midnight on a Friday, Mac half expected Harm to still be at the bar or if anything have his latest conquest, Renee Peterson wrapped in his bed sheets. Instead she heard music from his guitar, a slow, sad number that she was unfamiliar with. He answered the door 5 seconds after she knocked with a surprised expression on his face as he stepped back to let her in.

"Hey, you okay?" Harm asked as he hugged his guitar to himself. He was still wearing the clothes he had on at the bar, the form fitting long sleeved shirt and blue jeans.

Mac shook her head. "No...I feel…"

"Like you put a man to death? I know, me too." He placed the guitar on a stand and came to Mac pulling the coat off her shoulders and hanging it on the rack. "Go sit down, I'll put on some tea."

She gave him a watery smile and nodded. "Thank you."

He returned with two mugs and settled into the opposite end of the sofa where Mac was sitting. She'd been quiet, mulling over her thoughts not just about her client but, her need to come to Harm.

It had been common for the two of them, he would go to her place when he needed someone to talk to and she would turn to him as well. It was a staple of their relationship and something she missed when he left to fly.

"I missed this." He said casually, breaking the silence. At her questioning glace Harm waved a hand between them. "This. Your impromptu visits, bouncing ideas off each other... _talking_."

Although they'd barely spoke, she understood his meaning. "I missed it too. I missed _you_." Mac said in a soft voice that sounded almost fragile.

"You had someone to go to in my absence." Harm's tone was almost sarcastic and she caught the jealous tone that seemed to bubble to the surface whenever he mentioned Mic.

"He wasn't a replacement for you."

"But he did replace me and you and me can't seem to click anymore."

She shook her head. "That isn't true."

"You went on a date with the guy."

Mac sighed. She did if only because Harm was unavailable when she needed him. "And you're dating that director." She couldn't temper her own jealous tone nor did she want to. If he was keeping score, damnit, she would too. "I thought you didn't like her?"

Harm shrugged, "She asked me. I thought it would be fun."

"Fun? Yeah I'm sure it was _fun_ for her when you two left the restaurant." She practically slammed the mug on the coffee and stood. "This was a bad idea… I-I don't know why I'm here."

He stood along with her and came to block Mac's retreat. "I didn't sleep with her, Mac." Harm defended as his hands came to her shoulders.

"And I didn't sleep with Mic. We kissed, twice and I...I don't know." She was so confused. Mic was a good man that wanted her and stated his intentions but was moving a zillion miles away. And then there was Harm, the man she'd fallen for, the one that took a piece of her heart when he left to fly months ago.

Only Harm never showed any real romantic interest her way. Oh, they'd flirted and were closer than friends but any real relationship was an imaginary line neither of them would cross and it was making her sick.

"I did this to us, didn't I?" Harm voiced his mistake, the need to go back and live out his dream, the relationship that fragmented because of it. "I'm sorry." His arms came around her, holding Mac's body tightly against his own.

Despite herself, Mac held onto him, relishing in the familiar scent and feel of him. She missed this. She missed him. Which is why she let him guide her back to the sofa where they sat side by side, her head on his shoulder. It would be several long minutes until he cleared his throat and spoke. "I ah… was thinking."

"Yeah?"

"Want to go out sometime?"

Her head came off his shoulder and Mac turned to face him. Harm seemed almost nervous. "You mean on a date?"

"Yeah, on a, uh, a date." He stammered and managed to plaster his dazzling flyboy grin.

Mac continued to stare at him, eyebrow cocked in interest. Just what was he getting at. "A working date or?"

"Me in a suit, you in a dress… a night out on the town kinda date."

She couldn't stop her heart from skipping a beat at how shy Harm suddenly became. Here was a guy which had plenty of women falling at his feet and he was acting as if she was the first girl he'd ever asked out. "I'd like that."

"I uh, really did miss you, Mac. Coming back and seeing you friendly with Brumby..It uh, well it hurt at bit."

"We're just friends."

Harm scoffed. No man wants to be just friends with a woman like her. "He likes you."

Mac sighed, his jealous side was sweet and equally annoying at times. So she was going to clarify things once and for all, her heart be damned. "I like him too but there's just one problem."

"What problem?"

"I don't love him." She said matter-of-factly and hoped Harm understood. If he didn't she prayed he would let her be and save her from the embassament of unrequited love.

Harm stared at her with his Rabb-in-the-headlights expression that she often found endearing. She saw him swallow hard and the hand that was on the sofa was now brushing over her own. "Do you… do you l-love someone, uh else?" He asked expectantly.

"Yes... _You_." Mac breathed a sigh as the weight was lifted. It was hard denying her feelings for him and now there was nothing left, she'd bare her soul to him and pray he wouldn't break her heart. "I'm _in love_ with you, Harm… I tried not to be but, I am."

Harm's eyes were trading glances between her eyes and her mouth. Where he once looked nervous, now he seemed relieved. His hand laced through one of hers and Harm seemed fascinated at how such a simple touch could spark an electric current between them. He stared at their joined hands and then looked into Mac's eyes again.

When his lips came in contact with hers Mac felt tension leave her body along with the fear of rejection. He kissed her softly at first and then much more demanding once a soft moan escaped her throat.


	54. Let Fate Decide - NCIS: LA

Because NCIS sucked the life out of these two... Let's fix shit shall we?

 **Let Fate Decide - Parking lot scene.**

Harm stood at the deserted parking lot in anxiously awaiting a reunion that he was certain would never happen. The NCIS agents had tried to maintain an idle chit chat with him, none of them noticing the hard veneer that juxtaposed the mess of emotions that he felt inside. His break up with Mac had sort of just happened, a culmination of long deployments, longer working hours and the fact that neither of them never seemed to ever fully commit. Oh, he loved her - always would - she was the compass that kept him pointing North even if they were apart. But, he had to face the fact that maybe, just perhaps, romance was not in the cards for them.

When a sleek SUV stopped in front of them, his eyes instantly came to hers and a definite ache in his chest made him want to take back the last fourteen years, the mistakes, the arguments, their amicable split. She was class and beauty, still moving with the fluidity of a dancer as she made her introductions with the NCIS men. And then, the team all but dissipated, giving them the private moment each had secretly feared. "Harm" The way she said his name held an air of intimate familiarity and it was all he could do to not crush her against him and kiss her senseless right then and there. For the moment, the brave and strong Naval Captain couldn't find the words to say. He stood rooted firmly in place, swaying side to side as if he were bobbing in a storm tossed sea.

Mac had survived the hours long plane ride, the anticipation of knowing that she would see him again. She had tried to remain coy, brushing off her insecurity that always seemed to plague her. Was she not enough for him that she had to compete with jets and air craft carriers for his affections? Was he not enough for her that she chose to move to Washington rather than remain in San Diego where he was stationed? The questions faded away once she saw him, those sea blue eyes locking on to hers, holding her gaze with both love and fear.

She was pleasant with the NCIS agents and then stopped herself from moving towards Harm. It saddened her to have such a change between them when once hugs and smiles had been the norm. God, did she miss him, _them_ \- the perfect partner that both infuriated and excited her - the lover that enriched her life so completely if only for a short time. Harm seemed just as uncomfortable as she'd been to the point that he had raised his hand in efforts to shake hers. "Hey, Mac... Nice to.."

Mac practically rolled her eyes at their awkward greeting. They had long since passed the informal pleasantry, instead, she pulled him into a tight embrace. "Come here." She marveled in the feel of him - of them - the way they still molded into each other as if God had had designed him exclusively for her.

Harm couldn't help his arms from tightening around her, breathing in the sweet and spicy scent that was Sarah MacKenzie. She still wore the perfume he always used to buy her, a mix that was a bittersweet intoxication and would linger on his clothes. She felt her relax against him, sighing when they parted. It was her look that did him in and the lone tear that slipped from her left eye that he brushed away with his thumb. "Sarah."

He said her given name as if it were a prayer, with such reverence that her heart began to ache. Harm barely used her real name in the short time they were together as a couple and even less in the nine years when they were just partners. It was a sort of ammunition for him, a way to turn on her emotions. The man never did play fair when it came to her. And Jesus Christ, the way he said it made her quiver inside.

"Harm?" She stared down at their hands finding he had threaded them through his. When exactly he'd done that she wasn't sure but, Mac felt it now - really felt it - the electric current that rose between them. The crackling, ebb and flow of warmth that flowed from him to her. And in that moment, things were made abundantly clear like a veil had been lifted from both of their eyes - the dance had to end once and for all.

He didn't have to come, had no place within the ranks of NCIS and yet, Harm had bulled his way in because he had to see her - he needed to. "I'm not letting you go this time." He said with finality. "I came here for you and I'm not spending another decade without you."

And just like that Harm leaned down and kissed her slowly, completely, passionately. He poured every ounce of himself into the kiss, into her, sighing when he felt her surrender against him. Her arms came around him, bridging the small gap that was left between their bodies until she was flush against him. His hard planes were familiar and she longed to lose herself if only for a while. She kissed him desperately, trying to end in just a few stolen moments the anguish of the past nine years.

The need to breathe was the only reason they broke apart, coming back to a reality of a mission that needed to be completed. Mac stared up at him with heavily lidded eyes, tempering the passion she'd just felt in his arms. "I still love you and I always will."

Before breaking apart, Harm cupped her face in his hands, gently holding her while he pressed kisses to her lips and the corners of her mouth. "Stay safe, Marine."

"You too, Sailor... Harm?" He had pressed something into her hand, warm and metallic with pointed edges. When Mac looked down, she found his gold wings resting in her palm, a silent promise that he was ready to let go now once and for all.


	55. Embassy

Some of these are far fetched others... Yeah, this could have played out on the show and then...fade to black...roll credits... lol

Embassy.

"You gonna be okay, Marine?" Harm had driven her home after the debacle at the Sudanese embassy even when Mac insisted she would be fine. When he caught her from stumbling for a second time that evening, he had insisted and eventually, she relented.

Mac allowed him to guide her into the building, to the elevator and eventually to the sofa, plopping down with a heavy sigh and a wince. "You've asked me five times on the drive over. I'm fine, Harm, _really_." Curiously, she watched as he disappeared into her kitchen only to return after rummaging her freezer for ice that he then balled up into a dish rag. He pressed it to her collar bone and the bruise that was starting to present itself.

"Where's your first aid kit?"

"Bathroom, under the basin."

"Hold that." Harm took Mac's hand and pressed it to the rag before disappearing through the door of her bedroom, a man on a mission.

When he returned Harm sat on her coffee table, opened up the kit and located triple antibiotic ointment that he dabbled on a few cuts that she'd sustained. "Harm, I can take care of myself, you know? I'm a.."

" _Marine_ , yeah I know." He rolled his eyes and motioned with his eyes that she was to keep the ice on the bruise. "But, even the Marines need a little help from the Navy at times." He continued to patch her up, raising her leg to rub some ointment over her thigh right up to where the dress was ripped. His touch made Mac catch her breath at the sheer gentleness. "Besides, mama raised a gentleman and a gentleman always takes care of a lady." He pressed a hand over his heart in the most dramatic fashion that made her laugh.

"You're too much." The man could be equally infuriating as he was charming. Mac watched with interest as his brow furled and his lips pursed in concentration when his hand spread more of the ointment over her battered skin. He was exquisitely gentle and she couldn't help but wonder if this is what it felt like to be with him. The look of concentration changed imperceptibly and Harm closed his eyes, squeezing them shut as he let out a deep breath. "Harm? What's wrong?"

"I could have lost you." The hand on her leg stilled as he took another breath. "When I heard your voice over the radio… I didn't think I'd make it on time." He played cool, calm and collected all the while masking the fear of finding her dead or worse.

"Harm…"

"In Russia you said I run on emotions and I never really understood that until tonight… If something would have happened to you…" He opened his eyes and looked at her then, really looked as if seeing Mac for the first time. Harm hadn't realized just how deep his feelings for her ran until the day Dalton Lowne had taken her away from him. He hadn't known how lost he could feel without her, trying to hide behind his military persona and hiding feelings he couldn't quite get a handle on.

The intensity of his stare made Mac's heart flutter and those ever present butterflies began to dance in her tummy. God, what the man did to her was making her head spin. They were close, getting closer and after Russia she could sense a change in him towards her. His eyes darted to her lips that she'd absentmindedly licked to moisten and she wondered what it would feel like to kiss him, really kiss him without some ghost between them.

"I want to kiss you, Mac." He said suddenly as if reading her mind. Harm leaned close to her, his eyes still focused on her lips only to hesitate just a few inches away. He was unsure that she wanted this from him or the ramifications of him destroying their relationship.

Mac wanted him so badly her eyes had begun to close in anticipation. "What's stopping you?" She asked, when he stopped just a breath away.

"The thought of you slapping me?" He said with an impish grin although he was closing the distance yet again.

And then she spoke, her words coming out in a sexy purr. "Green light, Commander."

His kiss was hesitant at first but, achingly sweet. His lips danced over hers gently, slowly until she opened her mouth to his allowing their tongues to mesh. He kissed her deeply, passionately and what began as a slow burn had turned into a full blown inferno.

Mac was consumed by him and she wanted more. Wordlessly, she stood and offered him a hand that he eagerly took. Without question, Harm let her lead him into her bedroom.


	56. Wedding Bell Blues

**This is one of them "after the episode" snippets that likely wouldn't have happened buuut, HM are just too damned sexy not to.** **Wedding Bell Blues.**

Harm was a good sport despite not wanting to partake in the stupid garter toss. He was egged on by Chegwidden and Mattoni. Even Mac had practically pushed him into the dancefloor with the rest of the bachelors as Bud prepared to throw into the throngs of men.

He was taller than most which was why the lacy elastic band landed effortlessly in his right hand. He rolled his eyes at the oohs and strutted to Bud's side when it was announced it was nearly time to throw the bouquet "Guess you're getting married next, sir." The young officer beamed at his mentor and nudged him playfully.

"God, I hope not Lieutenant." Harm wasn't ready for marriage and the fact that he'd struck out more than scored with his last few girlfriends made him believe he'd be a bachelor for life. Married to the Navy and that was fine with him.

Bud frowned at Harm's response. "Don't you want to find someone that makes you happy, sir?

Instinctively, Harm's eyes searched for Mac finding her seated at the head table with a faraway expression. No bridesmaid dress had ever looked so stunning and he'd caught himself staring at her during the ceremony. She was so beautiful and the dress complimented her curves, hanging on her hips sexily. Harm would be lying if the carnal thoughts he had about his partner hadn't occasionally forced him to entertain a more permanent solution of late. Maybe not marriage but the simple domesticity of waking up to those gorgeous brown eyes every morning and coming home to her at night.

His interests in Mac had shifted one night at the docks in Norfolk when he'd put to rest a ghost and was assaulted by new feelings for his partner. They were romantic in nature, utterly terrifying and exciting all the same. So he found himself guarding his heart around her, not wanting to get too close for fear of losing her altogether. "I'm not sure, Lieutenant. Maybe. Eventually."

It dawned on him that Mac hadn't run out to the dancefloor with the single women, simply sat by watching the others with a sad expression. He was going to rectify that situation immediately. "Excuse me, Bud."

Mac felt his eyes on her as she had most of the day when she'd caught him staring at her during the ceremony. They had locked eyes during Bud and Harriet's vows and she'd shyly looked away, cursing herself when a blush tinted her cheeks. She had been looking at him too from the moment he arrived at the church, the tall, sexy Naval Commander in those dress whites that were anything but overrated. The man was born to wear the uniform.

When he approached her, Harm was spinning the garter on his index finger, flyboy smile cooly in place. She knew she was in trouble. "Not joining the rest of the single gals, Major?"

She chuckled when he waggled his eyebrows. "No Commander, it's not my scene." For the time being, she had enough of men.

"Oh c'mon Mac, you practically shoved me out there...Payback, is a bitch." He came around the table and pulled Mac to her feet although she fought and protested until he cajoled Harriet into calling Mac's name over the PA system. Begrudgingly, she joined the single women, shooting daggers at Harm with her eyes.

Mac hadn't intended to catch the bouquet, in fact, she tried to slide out of the front, somewhere to the middle and yet it dropped into her hands as if placed there. She stared at the flowers dumbly and then looked up to find Harm grinning like the cat that ate the canary. "Oh God."

Silly wedding traditions were not her cup of tea, especially when it meant sure embarrassment amongst her peers. Mac swallowed hard when Harm stepped towards her, flyboy grin in place that tried to mask a sort of apprehension in his eyes. "Are you ready, Mac?"

No, she wasn't. Especially when it meant having the man sliding his hand up her leg, fiddling with that silly garter. "I'm gonna kill you later." Was her icy response as he guided her to the lone chair in the center of the dancefloor and helped her sit.

"Scared, Marine?" He taunted, again spinning the garter on his finger before coming down on one knee in front of her.

"Not a chance, Navy." Mac gripped onto the bouquet and made a show of crossing one leg over the other, allowing some of the red material to part and expose her skin - an act made Harm's eyes darken and fixate on her long, shapely legs.

Some lazy, sexy tune played in the background and the moment Harm took Mac's leg in his hand, time seemed to stand still. He felt a crackling electrical current run between them, a zing he'd sensed a time or two that imperceptibly amplified. Carefully, he took her heel off and slipped his hand slid up her calf appreciatively, feeling the strong muscles twitch from his touch. He then slipped the garter past her toes to Mac's ankle.

The look in his eyes changed to something Mac hadn't seen before, a predatory sheen that made butterflies dance in her tummy. His touch was soft and gentle but it held an air of possessiveness when his hand slowly maneuvered the elastic band up her calf where Harm stopped.

It was so very inappropriate to touch her this way and yet, he couldn't stop himself from doing so and slowly parting more of her dress exposing Mac's thigh. He was painstakingly slow, keeping his eyes on hers as his hand caressed her thigh and then moved downward to straighten her leg.

She could see a desire burning when her gaze held his own with that seductive, bedroom look that she conjured up only in dreams. It was oddly erotic to have him touch her with intimacy in front of the wedding guests and yet, it also felt right.His fingers were like fire over her skin and she nearly whimpered when stopped moving.

Mac had been smitten with Harm from the beginning and slowly began to fall in love with the sailor believing her feelings would never be reciprocated. Until now when Harm's eyes gave him away. She placed her leg over his bent knee and noticed his hand shake. A soft smile from her urged him on as he began moving again.

Harm nudged the garter over her knee, his fingers brushing the hollow at the back teasing the soft skin. His hands came under the band just above where Mac's thigh began and she could feel the heat begin to pool between her thighs as wicked thoughts crossed her mind.

His hands moved upwards still stopping a little higher than midthigh until the garter had reached its intended destination. He pulled his hands out of the elastic slowly and purposely moved them down Mac's leg until he slipped her heel back into place.

It was when he stood that time began to tick again and the wedding guests applauded their little show. He kept his eyes on Mac as he tried to make sense of this intense desire for her when a slow love song came over the speakers. "Dance with me."

"Yes." Mac said, craving the feeling of being in his arms, needing more of his touch.

They fell into synch, her arms wrapped around his neck and his circling her waist, drawing their bodies closer. For a song, propriety and decorum took a back seat and Mac could feel the effects she had on him pressing against her abdomen. He didn't hide his arousal from her, merely held her gaze with a fierce intensity that made Mac catch her breath.

And then he kissed her without warning. Slow and complete. Passionate and loving. He poured every ounce of himself into her lips and when they parted she heard three little words slip out of her mouth. "I love you."


	57. The Bridge At Kang So Ri

This one popped up while watching Bridge At Kang So Ri.

Not the best JAG episode but, there were a few HM interactions that were interesting... here we go.

 **The Bridge At Kang So Ri**

"Well I just got praised _and_ dressed down by Chegwidden." Harm said, rolling his eyes as he shifted uncomfortably in his chair. After their inflight entertainment and a long debrief of sorts, he was ordered to contact his gruff CO.

Mac stared at him incredulously. "You saved over 200 souls on board that plane why would he dress you down?"

"Renee." He said with a sigh, happy that the woman was not allowed access to barge into their investigation. In fact she'd lost most of her media rights the second the plane touched down.. "It appears the General mentioned she was on board and that we _'knew each other'._ " He said with quotation fingers and rolled his eyes. "The Admiral was not pleased."

"Yeah I'll bet he wasn't too thrilled to find out what your girlfriend was up to." Bitch director from Hell was right. How could Harm go from Annie to Jordan to… this woman that clearly did not respect the military and seemed to only use him as arm candy?

Annie, while neurotic, was generally a good and sweet woman. Jordan was pretty and intelligent. Renee… Mac cringed and shook her head, the women he picked.

"She's _not_ my girlfriend."

"Mmm, right." She had overheard Renee's comments to him made to stake her claim. And then the woman had the audacity to call the Marine Corps uniform drab. "I thought you and Renee were a casual thing?"

"We are."

"Did you tell _her_ that?"

"Is that why you asked who I would protect?" He raised his brow as he questioned her actions from earlier. It wasn't meant as a joke, he knew, there was a hint of jealousy that amused him terribly. "Trying to gauge who was more important to me?"

Mac shrugged. "Just curious." She took a breath and held it, realizing the mindfield she walked right into. Mac was jealous, had been since she first spotted Harm and Renee on a date. True, she was having dinner with Mic at the time, allowing him to serve as a replacement for the man she really wanted.

"Jealous Marine?"

"Please...I have a fiance."

"That you love?" The question had been plaguing him since Sydney, causing more than a few sleepless nights. He hadn't realized how royally he'd screwed up until the weeks churned by and that stupid engsgement ring sat on her finger, mocking him.

It had been easy to be with Renee, allow another woman to stave the raw desire that coursed through him over a woman he couldn't have. It just wasn't enough. "Do you love him?" Harm finally asked the question that burned since they returned from Australia. When she didn't immediately answer, he reached across their shared desk and took her hand. "Do you love him?"

Harm's intense gaze made her shiver, his eyes burning into her very soul. "You don't get to ask that." She pulled her hand out of his and brought her eyes down to the ring, it's diamond glimmering in the light. "Any rights you had on my love life were left in pieces on a Ferry in Sydney."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You broke my heart, Harm!" Mac couldn't bite back her harsh tone or the hurt that lingered. And he had hurt her badly, crushing her heart so unforgivably. "I laid it all on the line that night and you acted like I barely mattered to you."

"And what the hell did you think _you_ did to _me_ taking that bastards ring?"

"I.. what? Oh thats rich.. Like you give a damn."

It saddened him to hear her words, the belief that she mattered so little to him when it was just the opposite. "I do care, Mac. More than you know."

"Is that why you've been acting like a jealous jerk around me? Because you care so much?" She waved off his attempt at an explanation. "You can't have it both ways, Harm. You can't rip my heart out and then act like an ass because another man picked up the pieces."

"You don't love him, not really." She didn't answer him then, merely stared with her mouth open, unable to form a rebuttal when he was so right. She didn't love Mic, not really - not in the way she loved Harm.

She didn't want to let him see her cry but, the tears came anyway falling unchecked over her cheeks. "Damn you." Mac said after brushing the tears angrily. "No, I don't love him."

Her words made Harm breathe a sigh of relief, renewing hope that he could fix the mess he'd made. "Don't marry him. Please don't." Harm had taken her hand again, his thumb running absentmindedly over the ring. "Mac?"

"It's too late for us."

"Not unless this ring is on the other hand. No, it's not too late." He cupped her face with his hands and then kissed her gently.


	58. Adrift Pt 2

THANK YOU guys for the reviews!

Not putting an end to this I just haven't been watching JAG eps which is what usually spawns these ideas.

I love Adrift 1 and 2 it just always pisses me off that Renee's father HAD TO die that night. Really?! AFTER ALL THAT?! Mac could have come to Harm, it could have been awkward at work, she could have still run away because it was all too much. Harm should have had the balls to break it off. Just sayin'!

And jeez when he says "I'm waiting." *thud*

Anyhoo...

 **ADRIFT 2**

Her heart was racing, slamming so hard in her chest Mac was sure she was about to have a heart attack. In the span of a few hours her world had been turned upside down with Mic's sudden departure.

It had broken her, making her desperate to right wrongs. But, when he'd boarded the plane with barely a look in her direction, she found a stifling sense of loneliness creep into her soul.

Her uniform couldn't mask it anymore, that facade had crumbled too leaving a distraught woman seeking the comfort of her friend. A friend she was in love with more than the man she intended to marry.

When Harm pointed out the imminent failure of her marriage she thought him cruel and heartless. A friend would comfort not pick at the flaws in her relationship, not cause her more pain. And then he said it - three little words that stopped her axis from spinning. _"Come to me."_

His voice was soft in a bedroom timbre that made her breath catch. "Why?"

 _"So we can talk."_

She sighed, the last thing she needed was to talk. Mac wanted to be cared for and held while she cried. Conversations between them never ended well especially when it boarded on their relationship or lack thereof. "We already talked."

 _"Don't argue with me."_

"I need a better reason."

 _"You know the reason…."_ Her breath caught again and her heart seemed to stop beating as silenced stretched out across the line. Mac heard something in his voice, a promise of sorts that she always wanted from him. But did she really know his reasoning? What if she missed something? What if he didn't love her like she did him? Again, she fought the need to cry and then he called her name almost desperately.

 _"Mac?"_

"I'm here."

 _"I'm waiting."_

Hours later she would be left standing in the rain staring up at Harm's apartment window. Even through the combination of rain and tears which stung her eyes Mac could see them embracing. It was a masochistic need that forced the Marine to stand there for several long minutes watching as the man she really loved held another.

Fundamentally, Mac knew Renee needed his comfort; surely the death of a parent trumped a failed relationship but, she wanted to be the one receiving his comfort. She wanted his embrace, his warmth, his love.

Her body shook both from the rain and a type of chill that poured out of her soul. It forced her to turn away from them, from him and head in the direction of her car.

Only she didn't know that Harm had seen her, an instinctive glance out the window confirming that Mac was standing out in the rain. It made him pull away from Renee enough for the other woman to look down to the alley finding the female Marine turning away from them. "Oh, Mac."

"You love her?" It was more of a statement than a question, a truth that Renee had been hoping to avoid. At Harm's knowing look, she offered a watery smile. "I kept believing you would let her go."

"Renee…"

She waved off his defense, no longer willing to believe the lies he'd told himself and spewed back to her. It was a pathetic way to live, hopelessly pining over a man who loved another. "If you love her, go to her. I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself. Be happy."

"I'm sorry. I _do_ love her, always have." Harm said, hating that he'd hurt her, hating himself for falling into the arms of a woman he would never love. Renee had warmed his bed, staved the loneliness but, it was never enough.

Harm hobbled out of the apartment, cursing a slow elevator that forced him to nearly stumble down the stairs. He sauntered out into the rainy night, wincing when the cold Spring shower brought back memories of ejecting over the Atlantic.

"Mac!" Harm yelled her name once he spotted her down the street as she slipped into her Corvette and turned the vehicle on. He moved as fast as possible, startling her once he practically collapsed against the driver's side window. "Mac, don't go."

"Harm?" She stepped out of the car only to find herself pulled against him. "What are you doing?"

His cane dropped to the asphalt, disguarded when his hands cupped either side of her face. "Sarah." Thumbs brushed over her cheeks, eyes focused on hers that were wide and bloodshot from crying. "I'm in love with you, Mac." He said and then moved his lips over hers.

They kissed slowly and once the initial shock of his declaration wore off, Mac's arms circled his waist drawing him closer. "I love you too."


	59. Secretly In Love

This goes somewhere in Season 3, pick an episode but, it's been sitting around for too long... ;-)

 _Oh, so you're secretly in love with her._

Harm grabbed the pillow and beat it a few times with his fist trying to find a comfort that hadn't seemed possible for the last few nights. For some reason, Annie's voice had brought him out of a dead sleep tonight just as it did three nights ago when Harm had a dream about Mac.

It wasn't sexual in nature, they'd merely kissed but it had been prompted by that barely there green bikini she wore in Miami. He had voiced his concerns about the outfit and Mac had laughed it off. The mission had gone off without a hitch but, when Harm had returned to the VOQ his mind was filled with images of one Sarah MacKenzie and that green bikini.

He had made himself forget about it and try to seek comfort in the arms of the woman he was dating but that hadn't been any use. They were through and he needed to find a way to break it off. He just wasn't happy with Annie.

She was one of the few women in his life that had driven him crazy, the one that he could never have - the wife if his best friend. Now that Annie was there and so attainable, he started to notice that the woman he was once enamored with didn't exist. She likely never did.

Annie had held his interest since Luke began dating her. It was an unhealthy dose of infatuation, Harm realized and somewhere between the course of Luke's death and her learning to be alone, his desire for her grew.

Only things weren't as picture perfect as Harm would have liked. The woman had always been a little easily stressed. Luke had mentioned a bout of anxiety after Josh was born. Harm hadn't noticed it as was the case with an infatuation - the flaws, the little things that would readily make someone unappealing was drowned by a kind of euphoria.

He liked Annie but, the more time he spent with her the more Harm realized his mistake - he did not love her. Oh, there were bits and pieces that he clung to, the sane woman who made him laugh and was an excellent cook. It was everything else that had become an irritation, her constant neurosis that was starting to feel like a noose.

It wasn't supposed to feel like that between a man and woman and yet, there they were. Sighing, he flipped to his side and glanced at the clock. 0230.

 _'Secretly in love with her.'_ Why the hell had she told Harm that? It wasn't like the woman had spent enough time to see what his dynamic with Mac was like. Not that there was anything to see. Mac was his partner, his friend, why did everyone assume that their relationship was anything but friendly?

They'd never been intimate and Harm doubted they would ever would. He'd gone down that road once and lost an excellent partner in Kate because of it. Losing Mac again wasn't an option and he was damned lucky the Admiral never processes her resignation.

 _'Oh. so you're secretly in love with her.'_

But there was something in Annie's words that rang true and it was driving him crazy. He should be thinking about the woman he was dating and finding a way to make things work, but his mind was filled with Sarah MacKenzie.

Had Annie been right? Had he begun to fall for the Marine?

The idea was equally exciting and frightening. He cared for Mac deeply, so much that he'd been openly jealous of Dalton Lowne, the scumbag lawyer she'd been dating. The bastard had tried to take her away, even betrayed her trust.

Mac was important to Harm, she mattered although he'd kept her at arms length for propriety. It didn't help that she was easy on the eyes, strong yet sensitive. He had no doubts she would follow him to the ends of the Earth if he asked and he would do the same for her.

And then there were her eyes, a molten chocolate type of color with flecks of caramel. He rather enjoyed staring into their depths whenever they were having a passionate conversation. He had learned to read them and the expressions that would change the color depending on her mood.

But what he loved most about Sarah McKenzie was her smile. She hadn't done much of that at first, according to her, there was nothing much to smile about. But as the months passed and she started to see that he wasn't an enemy, Mac had softened.

She would smile more around him in a way that sometimes made him catch his breath. It was not Diane's smile, not at all. It was absolutely devastating and completely Mac. So he had to build his walls, prevent her from taking more of himself than he was willing to give. She would be his friend, his partner, confidante and the woman that he was secretly falling for.

"Ugh…. I'm not in love with Mac." He said out loud to no one in particular. But, something deep inside told him otherwise. Angrily, he flipped onto his back and stared at the ceiling - His mind immediately went to her.

Was she alone or in the arms of that asshole lawyer that tried to take her from him? Maybe she had forgiven the clown and the two were wrapped in post coital bliss. "Oh God, no."

It was the thought of her enjoying Lowne's attention that had him driving to Georgetown and knocking on her door at half past 3am.

"Harm? What's wrong?" She was wearing a fluffy, pink bathrobe with matching pink slippers. Mac was looking at him with sleep laden eyes which widened when he pushed past her. "Harm?"

"I slept with Annie." Harm said quickly.

It took a second or three for Mac's brain to come online and when it did, she was a little more than irritated. "I'd hope so considering that you're dating."

"I shouldn't have. The more and more I think about it, the more I realize it was a mistake."

She wanted to be angry for him disturbing her at such a late hour, but there was something about him, a lost expression that troubled her. "You have feelings for her, it's normal."

"That's just the thing, I don't...I thought I did, I wanted to but..." He trailed off with a sigh.

" _But_?"

"I'm not in love with Annie and I'll never be."

Relief washed over Mac at his words and the feeling was disturbing. Harm was a friend, someone she cared for deeply and yet, there was a jealousy when Mac saw him with another woman. Seething jealousy that she barely managed to keep a handle on. "I'm sorry." She wasn't but, for his sake, Mac would pretend.

"Don't be." He stood up and made his way towards her, stopping just a foot away. "She pointed out once that I was secretly in love with you, I brushed it off but in the past few weeks the thought has kept me up at night."

Mac blinked rapidly. She must have still be held in the vestiges of sleep if she heard him say..."You're what? With me?"

"You heard me, Mac and she was right." He brought his hands up to cup her face. His eyes locked on hers seeking an askance. "I think I've fallen for you, Sarah and it's driving me crazy."


	60. Front And Center

And some Front And Center...

"Look, you haven't been here in six months. So the fine points of my relationship with anyone are lost on you. And, you know, when it comes to my relationships, you are not necessarily on a need-to-know basis." Mac leveled Harm with a look that could kill. How dare he presume who she should or shouldn't have a relationship with? He'd been gone for half a year, off to chase his dreams of being a fighter pilot and she'd been left behind.

Why would he care who she spent her time with? Especially after her attempt to discuss there odd tension had been squashed. Why then was Harm infuriatingly acting more like a jilted lover than her friend?

"Yes, ma'am." Harm knew she was right but, he couldn't get over the thoughts of Mac dating Brumby. It was an assumption on is part but, the Aussie looked entirely too thrilled to 'lock horns' with Mac in the courtroom. That smug grin the man wore was a constant source of irritation as were the leering and innuendo. It was all disrespectful and annoying. He turned away and made to step out of her office when he heard her stop him.

"Harm?" She felt the need to clarify one thing for him. "I don't think of you as a brother."

"You don't?"

"Nope." She softened and motioned towards her door, some of the irritation easing away. Mac didn't want animosity between them, she needed her best friend back. "Close the hatch and take a seat, please."

"Is that an order, ma'am?" He grinned at her and found that, although he hated being passed up for a promotion, it was rather sexy to be ordered around by her.

"No. But, I would like to talk."

"Okay." The angry look she had given him just a few moments earlier had dissipated. Her mouth opened and closed as if she wanted to say something but couldn't find the words. Her posture seemed to deflate before him and Harm was suddenly worried. "Is something wrong?"

"No… well, yes… I mean, no." Mac sighed, she didn't know how to ask, how to say this. Just as quickly as he left her life, he was back again, assuming that he would be allowed back into the fold without disruption. It nearly killed her to watch him leave and hurt even worse when the only thing between them was a handful of emails and two phone calls. They'd gone through so much together and yet, he was able to leave her so easily. "Do you really want to be here?"

"Mac, I had an opportunity to go back to flying, I took it… I had to know. You have to understand that. You're the only person that knows what it means to me." And yet she had acted less like a friend and more like a jilted girlfriend.

"I do… It's just…"

"Just what? I know I wasn't available much to chat when I was on the cruise but…"

"Why didn't we talk more?" It was as much her fault as his, Mac decided. She could have called him more, could have emailed him more but, then she didn't know what to say. His departure had hurt something awful, jumbled the feelings she thought he shared.

"I don't know." Only he did. Because every time he closed his eyes he saw her crying. She was still crying when he walked away carrying a box with his belongings. Cowardly, he left unwilling to admit that she meant more to him than words could say.

"I am not sure how to say this without sounding so… like a girl." Mac cringed. They'd been friends for years and when it came down to the crux of her feelings for him, she never knew what to say. "Did I say that out loud?"

"'Fraid so." He smiled. Mac was rarely flustered and he could count with his hand how many times he'd seen her so distraught.

"I just… I hurt when you left, more than you can imagine. It wasn't the same around here." Some life got sucked out of the office. She was depressed and found herself coming to Mic for support. He just wasn't Harm. "I missed my friend. My best friend."

"Was Mic my substitute?" Harm couldn't help his jealous tone or the barely veiled content for a man he saw as the enemy.

"He seems to think he is but, there's no one quite like you."

"Should I take that as a compliment?"

"Yes." She didn't love Mic, never would. He was somewhat of a friend and a colleague but, it would end there. "I don't feel for him what I do for you."

Harm's heart was beating hard, slamming against his chest. He was sure she could hear it. "And what is it that you feel, Mac?"

Mac swallowed hard, her gaze holding his own. "I think you know."

"Do I?" He thought he did, saw it when he had left - the pain of a woman in love. It wasn't just friendship between them although they'd never been intimate. When she hesitsted, Harm pushed for answer. "Tell me."

She became lost in his eyes, drowning in their blue depths when he shifted in his chair, leaning in. The feelings Mac had buried for him rushed to surface and before she knew it, the words spilled out. "I've fallen in love with you."

Harm stood suddenly and made his way to the door. When it seemed that he would walk out of her office, Mac started to panic. "If you don't feel the same, I get it I just don't want to lose your friendship and… what are you doing?"

He closed her blinds and locked her door then making his way towards Mac.. His heart was hammering. What he was about to do was definitely fraternization considering her current rank but, Harm didn't care. "This." Harm pulled her to her feet and then kissed her slowly savoring the feel of Mac's lips on his.

The last few months on a carrier had made him realize just how badly he missed her. When Mac left after her brief stay on the Henry, Harm had felt a pang in his heart, a void that he didn't realize he had when he left JAG to fly. "I never should have left." He stated as he broke the kiss and pressed his forehead against hers.

"You needed to figure things out. I get it."

"I figured out more than I intended." His arms came around her waist, pulling her closer as he spoke. "Tell me you're not with Mic."

"I'm not." She confirmed, raining kisses across his jaw.

"Oh, thank God." And then he kissed her again.


	61. Answered Prayers

Joan, this one is for you!

Wasn't Harm supposes to.give Mac a spin in his Vette on Christmas morning?

 **Answered Prayers**

"I can't believe Webb was able to get him out." Mac said as she stepped into the elevator that Harm held open for her.

He was positively beaming, all efforts to get his half-brother, Sergie to the States seemed to come to a grinding halt. Until Webb came through, for once actually pretending to have a heart. He couldn't be more surprised when the CIA officer appeared with his brother in tow. It was one of the best Christmas gifts he could have hoped for. "I am going to owe him until the day I day." He said ruefully, willing to accept that charge.

"You sure you're okay in leaving your brother with Coates?" She grinned and elbowed him once they hit the ground floor. "We left them without a chaperone."

"We Rabb men are gentlemen, Mac. Plus, I told him if he tried anything I would send him back to Chechnya."

They stepped out of her building, walking side by side until Harm stopped in front of his recently restored classic Corvette. Even on the gloomy Christmas day, it's Cherry red color shined brightly and Mac couldn't help but run a hand over the hood of the car. "You could have waited until the New Year."

"Nah, I promised I'd stop by. I was hoping to find you in those cowboy PJs again." Harm stood back, watching as she admired his vehicle, unabashed as he admired _her_. The jeans wrapped around her legs like a second skin, the rest of Mac was hidden beneath a heavy coat that covered a deep red cashmere sweater that accentuated the finer parts of her body. When he appeared at her doorway, he couldn't help but gawk at the dipping neckline until Sergie had nudged him back to the present.

Then there was her lipstick, a deep red tint that accentuated her pouty lips and made him want to kiss her senseless. And the perfume, good God he'd spent a fortune on a specific brand knowing it was a perfect match for her. The scent was intoxicating and he happily realized it would linger on his jacket and his car.

Harm thought back to the previous night and how they'd kissed when she'd discovered they'd been caught under the mistletoe. It was soft, sweet and had reawakened a desire for her that Harm thought he'd stifled until he figured out the nuances of their current relationship. Although the shaky ground they had shared seemed to settle, he was scared to death of making a move if she wasn't ready. So he waited and after last night, he gave himself a deadline: by January 1st he would tell her how he felt, consequences be damned.

"Harm? You gonna open the door?" Mac stared at him quizzically, noting the stupid grin on his lips as he eyed her. "Kinda freezing here, Commander." She teased, laughing when Harm made a big show of opening the door and bowing as she made stepped in. "You can be a goof sometimes."

"I was trying to be charming."

"You are charming." She pressed a kiss to his cheek and then sat on the passenger's seat.

Moments later, Harm settled into the driver's seat and the engine purred to life. They cruised through the streets of Georgetown, Harm carefully navigating the vehicle as they made their way out towards the monuments. It was meant to be a quick lap around the block but, the conversation about his brother and other pleasantries made him want that ride to last.

Over a half hour later, when he came to a stop somewhere near the White House, he felt her hand come over his that rested on the gearshift. Her touch was soft, warm and forced a myriad of emotions to wash over him. There was an electric spark felt between the two of them, a sign of a connection so deep never to be erased. Harm stared down at their hands noting how soft and delicate her fingers were as she treaded them through his own.

It was that touch which had him pulling to the side of the road and turning to face the stunning woman at his side. She flashed him a knowing smile, the corners of her lips curving up when Harm leaned across the vehicle, his head moving closer to hers. "Mac."

Mac's eyes dropped to his lips, anxiously anticipating a kiss that lasted more than a few seconds. "Harm." His name was a soft plea. "Kiss me."

And so he did, pressing a soft kiss to each corner of her mouth and then her nose and then her cheeks. "You're so beautiful." Harm said and then his lips claimed her own. He kissed her softly and incressed the pressure when Mac's tongue swept across his lower lip.


	62. A Tangled Webb Pt 2

**Sometimes, I just can't leave "never" alone...**

 **A Tangled Webb Pt 2.**

 _"What are you willing to do to keep her?"_

Harm's heart squeezed painfully at the thought that it had finally happened, he'd lost Mac. It was the one thing he never wanted, the one constant he needed in his life like the blood that ran through his veins.

She was everything to him and in just a couple of days they managed to wedge a hole the size of the Grand Canyon between them. And so he sat next to her (the only spot available in the whole goddamn airport) and brooded while Mac casually perused a magazine she'd found on the seat.

Sitting sideways, her back to him gave Harm the chance to look at her, noticing her thinner frame, the palness of her skin. His concern grew when his eyes focused to the marks on her wrists and the matching set on her ankles, barely visible unless one knew what they were looking for. They were a testament to the horror that she endured, the toruture that would have destroyed her if he'd been just a few minutes late. Christ, he didn't want to think of what could have happened or the ramifications if Mac would have survived the torture.

 _"What are you willing to do to keep her?"_ Chegwidden's voice echoed in the recesses of his mind, reviving the question which plagued Harm during his journey to Paraguay. He knew what he wanted, knew that his endeavour was more than a friendly gesture. He was resady and yet, the bravery all but fizzled out when he untied her from the bindings that had held her against that rickety, wooden torture table. Words failed him then and he comfortably turned to the business at hand rather than professes undying love for her.

It all but broke his heart to see Mac kiss Webb, to find that his Marine may have been stolen away by another yet again. But then, what did he expect?

There had been no hugs, no kisses, no pleasantries, just a need to get her moving and far away from the clutches of those terrorists. He hadn't anticipated what came next, the snide comments, hurtful words, and… Never.

Never. Only he wasn't willing to let it go or settle in being just her friend. Once and for all, he would state his intentions and pray she felt the same.

"Mac, we need to talk." The words came out of his mouth before he had a chance to stop himself and suddenly a braveness he didn't think he had came to the surface. "We need to talk about us."

She turned her head to face him, eyebrow raised in that cute annoyed look Mac often leveled him with. "Oh, now you wanna talk?" Clearly she was still bristling from the previous night, and a conversation that had been tabled for two years. Harm hadn't realized just how much damage his actions caused until the moment they stood at the taxi stand and the ensuing ride to the airport.

It had given him enough time to think clearly, to mull over the facts that he hadn't really taken into account. He wasn't in Paraguay to save a friend, he was there to bring back the woman he loved safe and sound. "Did you mean what you said?"

Mac rolled her eyes. "I wouldn't have said it if I didn't." Only the look in those beautiful brown eyes of hers betrayed her words. It was a tell he used when they faced off in cases.

"That's not an answer Mac."

"Well it's the only one you're going to get." Annoyed, she returned to the magazine, attempting to ignore him only.

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why did you say it? Why 'Never'?" Harm wouldn't let it go this time, not until he could make her understand what he felt for her.

"Fine, you wanna do this here, fine…" Mac tossed the magazine onto a table and then shifted so that they fully faced each other. She was ready to fight and bring forth a verbal onslaught until she noticed he'd taken her wrist in his hand.

Harm ran his thumb over the fading marks, his eyes studying each line as if willing them to disappear. There was such tenderness in his touch, such love that it calmed the anger.

She took a shaky breath, an effort to try and stave the unshed tears. They spilled out anyway and a hand that Mac raised to her mouth was the only thing that stifled her sob. It was all she could do to not break apart completely, her mind and body finally accepting the atrocities that would have been carried out if he hadn't saved her. "Did I even thank you?"

At his questioning glance she shifted closer to him almost whispering for fear that her voice would crack from her emotions. "You found me, you reecued me and I didnt even thank you did I?"

"Oh Mac." He brought his hand up, thumb brushing away a tear and then another until his palm rested on her cheek. "I would do it again."

"Thank you."

They held each other's gaze for a long moment and then Harm had found the courage to speak. "Did you mean what you said? Back at the cab stand. Never?"

"Yes but I don't want it to be true." She was biting her lower lip, nervously trying to understand the odd feeling inside - the adrenaline that wouldn't quit. "We've been so nasty to each other for the last couple of days, I was acting like someone else… like someone possessed...I'm sorry.. I."

"PTSD."

The four letters finally had her pull away from him, the obvious diagnosis that Mac found to be nothing more than a weakness, something she was not. "I'm a Marine, we're taught to deal with stress… with war."

"Mac… you went through hell… stress has to relieve itself somehow."

"By attacking you?"

He shrugged. "I was an easy target."

"You were hurt and I… I left you…. I'm sorry…"

"You're alive." He hooked a finger under her chin and forced Mac to look at him. "You're. Alive."

"We both are…" She offered a watery smile and then slipped into his arms, leaning against Harm when he hugged her tightly against him. Mac let his strength surround her, heal her and clarify the one truth she could deny no longer. "You love me, don't you? That's why you came."

"I've loved you for years, Sarah." He pressed a kiss to the crown of her head and pulled Mac impossibly closer.

"I love you too."


	63. Impact

Mac's tattoo has Harm a little obsessed. This would be two scenes, one right after Harm learns of her tattoo... the second half once the assignment is over.

 **Vanished...**

 _Well, I do have a tattoo._

"Ankle. And you use some of that face spackle to cover it up." Harm was waving a carrot stick at her, using it to get his point across as they sat in the officer's mess having dinner. He nibbled thoughtfully on the carrot and expectantly waited for her response.

Mac raised one characteristic eyebrow. "Face spackle? Do you mean foundation?"

"Yeah, that. Soooo... ankle."

For the last half hour, ever since she'd let it slip that she'd been inked, Mac could literally _feel_ Harm's eyes on her. Out on vulture's row he'd heedily traced her body with his gaze, unabashed and followed by a grin that was far too sexy. She retreated with him hot on her heels, his flirting ceasing only when they stepped back into the ship. His gaze did not abate although Harm had toned it down somewhat.

"That's where _one_ of them is." Mac's voice was low, sexy and she coyly waggled her eyebrows at him.

Admittedly, her youth had been much rebellious than most calming only when her brush with death (and Uncle Matt) lead her to the Corps. She abhorred the military before then with their rules and regulations, the confining way they dictated how to live.

Her father warned against branding her skin, so Mac did anyway. Not once but, twice. The first was a black heart with the word 'love' etched in red. Indeed, it was drawn onto her ankle and concealed daily with 'face spackle.' The second...she wondered if Harm could guess correctly and if it would prompt him to search for it.

She nearly choked on the water she was drinking when Harm's eyes went wide - that Rabb-in-the-headlights look overpowering his previous flirtation. "You have more than one?"

"Yep. I have two. You guessed one, care to locate the other?" Mac was enjoying this break in protocol. Hell, she was living for any attention from Harm that stated an interest _other_ than friendship.

There was just _something_ about him that made her want to fall in love and believe in everlasting kismet. Harm had opened something inside of her that had been closed off for years. She felt good around him, safe. If only love was a part of the equation. For now, she would flirt with him, red light some of his advances. It was a game to play until one of them figured it out.

It really didn't help that, of late, she had caught him staring a time or two. No longer was he seeing that other mystery woman with her supposed likeness. No. Harm was looking at _her_ and quickly looked away when caught.

Mac sighed. "If only."

If only he wasn't seeing Annie. If only she weren't involved with Dalton. If only they weren't in the same chain of command, she was sure they would have been an item by now. From the moment they met there was a fire burning chose embers never died, waiting to be ignited.

"If only what, Mac?" He was staring expectantly at her with that smug flyboy grin. When she didn't reply he leaned in and used a voice so low only she would hear. "Soooo? It's on your six then?"

Mac leaned forward as well, her eyes drifting to his lips. "Sooo... It's on my..."

"Commander! Major!" Bud's excited voice cut their conversation short as he regarded his mentors with new evidence.

 **Two Days Later** **Key West, Florida** "No. No, I don't believe I'll change my mind." Mac was on the phone when Harm arrived at her doorstep, out of uniform and ready to head to dinner. With the investigation wrapped up and flights delayed due to a winter storm, they were stuck in the Keys for a day or two.

Harm openly looked at Mac admiring her feminine curves that were accentuated by the flowy light blue sundress she wore. His eyes focused on her left ankle where her tattoo was only half visible through the straps that were attached to her heels.

"I don't like being manipulated, Dalton and that is exactly what this feels like." Her voice cut through the fog in his mind as did her tone of voice. "Yeah, well, it's over!" She slammed her cellphone shut with finality and then heaved it onto the bed.

Apologetically, she glanced up at Harm, shrugging at the questioning look in his eyes. "Dalton... We're through."

"Oh. I'm ah... I'm sorry." He wasn't. The slight smirk on his face said otherwise. "If you wanna stay in, I get it. We can order room service..."

"No, no. I'm not gonna wallow. Let's go, flyboy." Mac grabbed him by the sleeve and pulled him out of the room.

They had dinner at the hotel's tiki bar and despite her desire not to wallow, Mac did just that. It wasn't that Dalton was a bad guy, perse, she just didn't like the manipulative types. She sure has hell wasn't leaving JAG to become his trophy girlfriend. "Penny for your thoughts, Major?"

"Just musing about my new failed relationship." She shrugged. "Turns out I'm not much company after all."

Harm reached across the table taking her hand in his, giving it a soft squeeze. "You're a smart lady. If you broke it off with him, there's a reason." His thumb was stroking the back of her hand, a touch so gentle.

"Dance with me." He urged her, pulling Mac to her feet when a live band began playing. She didn't protest merely let herself be led by him, the one man she'd ever trusted.

Mac enjoyed herself, moving with him in time to the Caribbean music. When a slow song began he pulled her to him, one arm circling her waist, the other holding her hand. They moved in a slow circle around the dance floor, keeping somewhat of a regulation distance.

And then her eyes locked onto his. The hungry look Harm gave her nearly made Mac's legs go weak. If his arm hadn't tightened around her waist she would have fallen then and there. The hand at his shoulder came up behind his neck raking through his short hair as Mac pulled his head down to hers.

She kissed him gently only to feel his arms wrap completely around her waist molding her to him. Harm kissed her back with fervor and a desire that he hid from her. It was maddening the way he wanted her, the fantasies that kept him up at night. "I want you." He said in a husky voice.

"Yes." And then she was pulling him off the dance floor and into the hotel.

Once inside the room, Harm had her pinned against the closed door. His mouth trailed a path of fire from her neck down. "I think I'm falling for you, Sarah." He said between kisses to her lips and cheeks, stopping only to press his forehead against hers.

"I'm already there." She admitted. Mac was pretty sure she fell for him from the beginning.

"Now. Any more guesses as to the location of my other tattoo?" She pushed past him with a mischievous grin, her hips swaying seductively as she stopped at the foot of the bed.

Harm shook his head, "No, but I think I'm going to enjoy the search." He planned on kissing every inch of her body, not leaving an inch of skin untouched.

"By the way, I have my navel pierced as well." And then the dress fell off her body, pooling to the floor.


	64. Life Or Death (12-22 20:01:09)

This is the ep where Mic leaves. Also the ep where Mic and Mac are on a date and then Harm walks in to the restaurant as Renee's date. Ugh.

 **Life Or Death**

The party was dying down, dwindling to the last few patrons involved in various conversations and others finishing their beverages. Sarah MacKenzie sat alone, nursing her tonic with a twist and wishing she could add something stronger.

No! She wasn't going to think like that, alcohol only ever got her into trouble and made her hurt the ones she loved. With a sigh, she glanced to the door once the bell above signaled someone had entered. And not just any someone. It was Harm.

His eyes sparked to life once he noticed her, his mouth curving in a soft smile. "Left my credit card." He offered by way of explanation. As he stepped to her he motioned towards her drink and cooly leaned against an open spot by the bar. "Just tonic and lime, I hope?" Harm's joyful expression turned to one of concern knowing how badly her capital punishment case had affected her. It'd hadn't been a picnic for him either.

"Yes, dad. And if it wasn't, that's none of your damned business, anyway."

Her tone was downright hostile and it would have made even the strongest of men back away but, not Harm. He was well aware of her tactics, the misplaced anger a show of strength to hide some sort of pain. So he stood there, watching her fight some sort of battle. "I'm sorry. This was one case I would have prefered not to win."

"I'm for capital punishment under the right circumstances, but with him…" She heaved a sigh and glanced up at the bar spotting her reflection in the mirror. Make up couldn't mask the forlorn expression, the sadness. Through the reflection, she caught and held Harm's gaze filled with such concern it made the tears she held back finally spill. She brushed them away angrily and then downed the rest of her drink as if it were shot.

"Let's go for a walk, Mac. Get some fresh air."

"Okay."

Harm was surprised she calmed so quickly but then, that had been Mac since his return, running hot and then cold. As she not-so-subtly put it, he'd been gone for too long to assume that they would just fall into stride like nothing happened, like he never left.

After settling their bar tabs, Harm helped Mac into her coat and held the door open as she stepped out to the cold night. They fell in step, quietly walking down two blocks until he noticed she was shivering. "Mac, you're cold."

"I'm fine." There was still a little hostility, the need to assert that she didn't need anything or anyone. He stopped but, she kept walking it was only Harm's voice that made her turn to him when she realized he wasn't following. "What did you say?" He had spoken to her but, being several steps away the low tone of his voice was muffled.

"I said, I didn't think you and Mic were that close." He shook his head from the torrid mental images, specifically one of her kissing the other man or more. It had churned his insides, made him want to stake his claim on her, but Sarah MacKenzie wasn't his to claim. "You were dating him, weren't you?"

"A few dinners does not constitute as dating, Commander. If they did, you and me, we're practically married." She snorted and pushed past him, hoping to head to her vehicle and out of his presence. Mac didn't need or want his jealousy, especially when it only served to confuse her. "Thanks for this, but I need to head home. I'll see you on Monday."

Only Harm wrapped a hand around her arm as she passed forcing Mac to stop and face him. "Did you sleep with him?" There was no mistaking the hurt in his voice, the trepidation in his words or the way his eyes pleaded for an answer. Stepping into a minefield seemed less harrowing. When she didn't immediately answer, he released his hold and buried his hands into the pockets of his jeans. "I know I don't have the right to ask but… did you sleep with Mic?"

Why did he do this to her? Why did she let him play with her feelings in such a way? It had always been a part of their relationship, the incessant jealousy over any man that seemed interested in her. No one was ever worthy enough and Harm had taken to voicing his displeasure in different forms. Mac never could understand why it mattered so much, if he was so much of the 'brother' he claimed to be, he should have been happy for her not the opposite.

She recalled another night at McMurphy's when both of them were nursing the wounds from impending breakups. He seemed relieved that she'd broken it off with Dalton while Mac was impassive about the status of his relationship with Annie. Honestly? She just wanted him to be safe and happy although it killed her inside to see him in the arms of another woman.

Mac would offer a shoulder to cry on when things fell apart. She would be his best friend and nothing else because he didn't want her any other way - a fact that was evident on the way he always seemed to brush her aside. Eventually her heart would heal, wouldn't it? It had to.

"Does it matter if I did?" She finally answered his question, only to see the displeasure increase in his eyes. Or was it disappointment? She couldn't tell.

"It does."

Mac threw her hands up, anger once again rising within her. The man was infuriating. "Why? You're seeing someone. Am I not allowed to date? Have a little fun? Or is that just a guy thing?"

"You could do better than him is all."

"You throwing your name into the running, Rabb?" Her words made him stiffen and Mac couldn't help but laugh at the look he gave her. The laughter masked the pain she felt - good old Mac, the friend. His friend and nothing more. "I'm kidding Harm, you're like a brother to me, right? So go to your video princess, I'm sure she's waiting on you." Mac couldn't keep the hurt or sarcasm from her voice as she made her way back to her Vette.

She knew he would follow, knew he wouldn't leave it alone but, Mac couldn't expect what he said next.

"I didn't sleep with her."

"You didn't?"

"No. I wanted to but, kept thinking of you and him." Did Mac take Mic home? Did he stay over? His evening and any future with Renee dissipated the moment he dropped her off at home without so much as a kiss goodnight.

"Harm, I don't need to know about your love life. It's really none of my business."

"In the past we talked about relationships, we talked about everything... I left we grew apart, I get it but.."

"You had to figure some things out, I understand." But, it still hurt. She felt left behind, abandoned.

"It's just...you can do better than that arrogant bastard." Harm had begun closing in on her, slowly stepping forward until there was little space left between them. "Sarah, you're smart, funny, charming and absolutely beautiful." He brought a hand up and slowly ran his fingers down the side of her face. "So beautiful."

Mac swallowed hard, suddenly at loss for words when his skin met hers. His caress was gentle and her body leaned into it, craving more contact. "There is someone special in my life. No one can hold a candle to him."

"Oh…" Her words made him drop his hand and his eyes glazed kvee in disappointment that Mac caught. "Do I know him?"

Mac nodded. "He's tall, dark, handsome, has these amazing blue eyes. Flies a plane named Sarah."

He wasn't able to bite back the smug grin nor was Harm able to stop his body from backing her against her Corvette. He brought his head down to hers, stopping a breath sway from kissing. "What does he do for a living?"

"Flies tomcats, moonlights as a lawyer."

"Navy man?"

"Yes but, there's just one problem"

At her words, Harm backed off, suddenly self conscious. "What problem?"

Mac could hear her heartbeat hammering, her body craving his touch so badly. She held back for a moment hoping he knew; he had to know what she felt. "I'm hopelessly in love with him and I don't believe he feels the same."

"Oh, Mac." Harm pressed his lips against hers, claiming Mac with a gentle kiss that was threatening to build into something more. "He feels the same." And then he kissed her again.


	65. Four Percent Solution

Thanks for the reviews! Hope everyone had a happy and safe Christmas!

 **Four Percent Solution**

"I really want to kiss you." The words spilled out of his mouth and Harm's eyes widened at the admission. He hadn't meant to say them especially given the precarious position his relationship with Mac seemed to hang by.

Last night had been an epiphany of sorts as he raced through the streets like a bat out of hell to a small hospital where Mac had been taken after a terrible wreck. He nearly cried upon seeing her looking so fragile laying on the hospital bed, face red and puffy from the air bag.

Mac was alive. He was too and every feeling he'd repressed since Paraguay bubbled to the surface. Harm managed to keep himself under control to not cause much more discomfort. He wanted to pull her into his arms, hug and kiss Mac and make her see how much he loved her.

Now that they sat on her sofa, he was looking at _his_ Christmas miracle, his second (maybe it was his third or forth?) chance to end their dance. Only, Harm wasn't sure how to start.

She'd been pushing him away since her breakup with the spook and Harm knew he'd need to tread gently. But, as she sat by his side, head leaned back into the cushions her hand threaded through his, he couldn't hold back any longer.

The redness on Mac's face had improved significantly although it was clear she was still in pain - bruised ribs, whiplash and a few cuts from when the windshield had shattered.

And she was still the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. "Uh, Mac... I'm..."

"Help me sit up." She asked when he ribs protested, forcing Mac to bite back a wince. Once she was situated at the edge of the sofa, Harm placed a few pillows at her back, helping her stay in a seated position. "Sit on the coffee table."

"Mac? Why do..."

"Please don't argue with me. Not now." Mac may have been in pain, but the look in her eyes dared him not to argue. She waited for him to sit and then motioned with her hands for him to slide so that Harm was seated right in front of her. "Lean in, flyboy and close your eyes."

Harm's heart began to race when he saw her shift towards him, and her hands came up to frame his face. She turned his head slightly, angling him as her lips settled on his.

He remained impossibly still, even held his breath as Mac kissed him. Slow and gentle, her lips moved over his but, even as her tongue ran over his lips, Harm maintained his control. Damn, how he wanted to grab Mac, carry her to the bedroom and make love to her for the next few days. He wanted to please her, love her and permanently erase every past lover from her mind.

Instead, he sat there like a stump, afraid to move and cause her pain. When she stopped, he was staring at her through lided eyes, an idiotic grin on his lips. Her hands fell away from his face and Mac braced them on his knees as she sighed. "You're all I've ever wanted for Christmas."

"Oh Mac." Harm's hands came up to her face, thumbs gently brushed over her cheeks, barely touching her skin. He took great care in moving cautiously, so much that it seemed like slow motion until his lips brushed over hers. "I love you. I wish I could show you how much."

God, how she wished that too. "Would you settle for holding me?" Mac asked shyly, her cheeks tinting a brighter when his flyboy smile went up in wattage.

"Whatever you want, Sarah." He helped her back onto the sofa, draping an arm around Mac as her head rested on his shoulder.

"I love you too." Mac said in a tired voice and then fell asleep in his arms.


	66. People V Gunny

Fixing the scene where Mac hides the engagement ring from Harm

 **People V. Gunny**

The diamond was big, bigger than Mac expected Mic could afford on his salary and it was a weight that had been pressing down on her heart for the past 48 hours.

She hadn't exactly said "yes" to marrying him but, just as Mic had wormed his way into several dates since Harm's departure, she allowed him to push her now as well. And push he did, telling her it was a 'friendship' ring with the promise of a future when the time was right.

"No pressure." Then why did she feel like she was being suffocated? Mac tried to ignore the ring, burying her head in the mountain of paperwork that seemed to grow. She got through half a file and then her eyes caught the gleam of the diamond, the light reflected from her open window.

Slowly Mac pulled the ring free, the curiosity of seeing the diamond glimmering on the proper finger was too much of a temptation. She placed her Marine Corps ring on her desk and slid the engagement ring home feeling all of the butterflies in her stomach that came with a new found engagement.

She'd never been given a ring before although she'd been married. Mac's wedding to Chris Ragel was something of the shot-gun variety just a few days after she turned 18. They both were drunk, laughing in front of a justice of the peace who was only there to take their money.

There was no honeymoon, just a quick tryst in some crappy motel room that was painful and sloppy. Chris had been her first and was too inebriated to realize Mac was still a virgin to take the proper care. He passed out afterwards and Mac spent most of the evening in the bathroom expelling the copious amount of alcohol she'd ingested.

They were together for exactly four months and then his bad boy streak caught up when the Sherif, a drinking buddy of Mac's father, tied Ragel to a slew of automotive thefts in the area. Had it not been for her connection to Joe MacKenzie, Mac would have spent time behind bars as well. It was an ill fated accident and her Uncle Matt which forced her into the strong woman she became.

 _Strong?_ "Yeah, right." She snorted and rolled her eyes as it pertained to her current predicament. A strong woman would not have taken a man's ring just because he was infatuated with her. A strong woman would have stood her ground when the man she loved back peddled out of a serious conversation.

A strong woman would have said 'no' and not have lost two days of sleep on would be's and must have's. But then, Mac the Marine was strong... Sarah the woman was weak. As the ring glinted in the light so did the signs of her frailty.

The normaly squared away Marine sat in her chair, shoulders slumped, a sullen expression gracing her beautiful face. _'What have I done?'_

She sighed again, this time feeling a solitary tear slide down her cheek.

Shouldn't a recently engaged woman feel happy? Mac was anything but and when a certain male voice echoed in the bullpen, she felt a deep sadness rooting itself within.

 _Harm_. She loved him only it was far more profound that that. Mac was _in love_ with him in the kind of way that made her ache to be loved by him. Angrily, she brushed away the next tear that fell and then another. She needed to stop feeling for him to stop loving him. Harm didn't feel the same, the evidence had been clearly presented from the first moment she'd hinted at a romantic interest.

Each and every time he'd taken evasive maneuvers, a methodology to keep her off his scent only she was too blinded with love and ever hopeful that he'd come around. Mac had hinted and he was either too oblivious or mortified to see her as a suitable partner.

 _'What's love go to do with anything?'_ He'd told her before walking out to a new life that Mac wasn't a part of. For weeks her fingers hovered over an un-sent email which resided in her 'draft' folder and a message that stated, in no uncertain terms, that she loved him. Fear kept the message from reaching its intended target, resentment forced Mac from fully accepting him back to the fold when he returned six months later.

And then came Australia, a stupid trip that she never should have bulled her way into. Taking a cruise on the Titanic would have been less harrowing than the ferry ride with Harm. Her approach had been meant to tease a response out of him a reason as to why a certain chemistry lived between them. Unfortunately, Mac's approach had been a bit aggressive, pushy even and Harmon Rabb Junior was not the type of man to be pushed.

Their conversation erected every single one of the barriers which he'd previously brought down before her and raised new ones. He'd looked at her with an expression of pure shock, clearly unable to see her as anything other than his friend. She'd misjudged his past jealous criticism as that of romantic interest, a mistake that Mac wouldn't fall for again.

She wasn't a leggy blond, the type of woman that normally held Harm's interest. It really didn't help Mac's case that she was a dead-ringer for the former love of his life. That scar had long since faded, or so she thought but, what if he'd only learned to live with the pain?

What had she hoped to accomplish in Australia anyway? A change of scenery to clear the fog that had settled between them? A one-night stand that could only add to their growing problems? No. Mac wasn't the one-night affair type of girl and never had been, not even for him.

She craved a life with Harm, a relationship built on trust, love and fidelity. Sighing yet again, Mac stared at the ring imagining Harm being the one doing the asking. There would not have been any trepidation or any pressure simply a mutual agreement to join forever with the man she loved.

Then why wasn't _his_ ring on her finger?

Because such was Mac's life, always settling for something else. With a huff she tugged at the ring, trying to pry it from her finger before anyone noticed the Marine Lt. Colonel was acting like such a _girl._

"Shit." Mac cursed and any attempt to release the ring from her finger became futile. She stood up automatically, attempting to get some sort of leverage but, it was like the damned thing had become super glued.

And that was when _he_ came in.

The bastard had the audacity to seem jovial about her predicament, taking pleasure in her distress as she tried to hide her hand. Only Mac hadn't noticed the veiled hurt in his eyes, the regret. "Don't all you girls have hand cream along with 75 other things in your purse?" He motioned with his eyes at the small bag sitting next to her briefcase.

Mac shook her head, staring with confusion as Harm headed out to the bullpen and after a brief conversation with Harriet, returned with a small tube of something or other. He closed the door behind him and sat at the edge of her desk. "Give me your hand."

Perplexed, she did as told watching curiously when Harm took a few sheets of tissue and place them on his leg along with Mac's hand. He then popped open the tube of hand cream and squeezed out a liberal amount onto her finger. "My academy ring gets stuck sometimes when I run. Had a few scares."

Carefully he lathered around the ring, making sure the cream would not touch the diamond. It really was an exquisite peice, he mused. A ring that most women would kill to have as a sign they'd been taken.

It just wasn't a piece of jewelry he could ever envision Mac wearing. It far too gaudy and flashy for her small hands. He expected Mac to pick something smaller, elegant, classy but then, she hadn't been the one to choose. The oversized hunk of carbon was clearly all Brumby's doing, a sign of his arrogant claim on Mac.

"It's not working."

"Give it a minute." Harm wrapped his thumb and index finger around the band and carefully began to twist until the ring began to move. "Hurts like hell if you just yank it over the joint. You need to coax it a bit." And yet, the ring was not moving enough. He applied more cream surprised that Mac hadn't stopped him yet. "I didn't know you'd gotten that serious with Brumby."

Neither had she past a few dinners and only one that she'd constitute as a date. Even then, Mac had taken her own car and gone home _alone_. She knew Mic was interested in her but, that things would get _this_ far _this_ quickly was another matter. "We didn't, I don't think."

His eyes that were once focused on the task at hand raised to hers. Harm held her gaze for several breath hoping to find the answer he was missing the why she'd go to Brumby 24 hours after propositioning herself to him. Had he missed a sign? "You took his ring, Mac."

Mac's eyes drifted away from his and down to their joined hands resting on his leg. He'd stopped trying to remove the ring and was simply holding her hand in his, squeezing gently as if to remind her he was still there. "You pushed me away. What was I supposed to do."

"Wait."

"Wait for what?" And then he clammed up, much as Harm always did when dealing with messy feelings and emotions. His eyes focused on her finger, again applying cream and using a little more force with similar results. "Harm, what was I supposed to wait for?"

Harm sighed heavily. "It's complicated."

"Tell me."

"We work together. If we became involved any fall out would be disastrous."

She was exasperated. "You're worried about work?"

"I'm worried... I-I don't want to lose you." He said simply and dragged his gaze back to hers. "If we screw up, I would lose you." Harm's thumb brushed over the rough surface of the diamond, a reminder rhat his fear was now a reality. "I guess I lost you anyway."

"No, Harm. You haven't lost me." It was then that the ring slipped off, landing in the palm of Harm's hand. He stared down at it for a moment and then wiped the cream off with a tissue. "I never said yes."

"But you took it anyway." He held the ring out to her. "I just want you to be happy, Mac."

"What if I'm happiest with you?" Mac clasped his hand over the ring and then leaned in to press a soft kiss on Harm's lips.


	67. Witches Of Gulfport

**Witches Of Gulfport**

"You're seeing _her_ again." Mac couldn't help the accusation she threw at him when Bud headed off to find the VOQ. It had left her alone with Harm and she could no longer ignore the way he looked at her once she'd retrieved them from the airport.

It wasn't the stark white Navy uniform but, he'd surely had seen _her_ in peanut butters at one point or another and the notion that Harm was seeing Diane's likeness again made Mac's heart clench painfully.

Absentmindedly she rubbed at the spot on her chest just left of her breastbone, it wasn't fair to hurt this way over anyone. This _thing_ between her and Harm, her pining for him was going to be the end of her. Wasn't she 'happily' sort-of engaged? A few days in Mic's arms had been a testament towards his investment to their future. He loved her, had said so repeatedly but, Mac didn't feel the same. She honestly doubted she could love him that way but, figured her heart would learn with with time.

Her heart. Mac sighed at the melancholic state she'd been in, an unhappiness since her splintered heart was left drifting on a ferry in Sydney. Harm didn't know the pain he inflicted, how could he? He didn't feel what she did, didn't love like she did. His jealousy was nothing more than concern over a friend.

And now she understood why - Sarah MacKenzie would never, could never measure up to Diane Shonke. _Never._

It all made sense when his gaze drifted over CPO Bonnie Johnson, Mac's cover during their investigation of a Wiccan Coven. She had collected Harm and Bud from the airport and there had been a specific look from him that made the hair stand up at the back of her neck. It reminded her of not-so-distant past, the times he would just stare only to turn away, cheeks burning with embarrassment. Then there were other times, when Mac caught him staring at her with longing which fueled some sort of hope, and it was killing her.

Now she knew and was sure of it, he was seeing _her._ The love of his life; the woman he sought a 'future' with only the fates conspired and took Diane away from Harm with savagery.

Mac hadn't thought about her twin much in recent years, not since that night in Norfolk when he'd seemingly put that ghost to rest. But, today, the way Harm looked at her brought back unwanted feelings of inadequacy. Harm didn't want her because _she_ wasn't _her_ and the weight of that knowledge was crushing. So she settled into their usual MO, the heavy banter and work... yes, work was always a safe topic.

"Umm, what?" Harm guiltily looked up from the file he'd been studying, he hadn't heard Mac speak because he was far too engrossed in the pictures of the coven dancing naked by the fire. Purposely, he put aside the ones of Mac, unable to hide the flushing of his cheeks when he spotted her. Even in the dark grainy picture he instinctively knew it was her. He'd stared for a moment too long, confirming his suspicions of how beautiful she would look in the nude. And she was beautiful... _God, so beautiful._

He swallowed hard when his eyes sought and found her tattoo, proudly displayed on her pubic area near her right hip bone, the product of a rebellious youth. He couldn't make out the details but the black lines were a contrast to the lighter color of her skin and it beckoned him to look. "What was that, Mac?"

When she spoke, he felt like he'd be slapped, as if Mac read the carnal thoughts briefly crossing his mind. Embarrassed, he made a show of setting her frames aside and then causally perused the other photos. "What did you say?" Good God, did she catch him?

"Diane. You see _her_ when you look at _me_. You always have, I guess." The last part was spoken softly, almost under her breath so that he wouldn't hear her disappointment. She thought they'd been past her doppelganger, Diane had finally ceased to be his personal ghostly torment when Mac stopped him from murdering Holbarth. Mac knew she was spending too much time in the office, the length of stay would be called to question by the suspicious eyes of the coven and mar her cover story. She just couldn't let it go."Not sure why I thought that would change."

That's why Harm didn't want her, why he _couldn't_ love her - she still reminded him of Diane, always would Mac supposed. And as the weight of that knowledge settled in, she felt her stomach tighten in knots. Her already broken heart shattered a bit more when his eyes snapped up to hers. He looked bewildered, shocked even and a watery smile spread across Mac's lips. "It's okay. I _get_ it now."

Besides, she had Mic who she didn't love but then, Harm didn't love her either. For that matter, she curiously wondered if Mic's love was more of a severe infatuation that clouded his judgment in reference to her. Surely there were better women in the World to pine for?

At least the other man stated his intentions, mooned over her and went that extra mile to let her know. It was sweet, she should be fawning over him but, even when she slept with Mic it didn't feel right. Shouldn't making love to your fiance be the Earth-shattering, spectacular, colors blinding, violins chirping type of affair?

Not that it was terrible, it just wasn't _good._ And it certainly wasn't making love, just sex. Mundane sex to boot.

 _Because he isn't the one. _

Mic would never be no matter how much she lied to herself or him. She barely registered that Harm had closed the office door and settled next to her. Mac also realized she'd been crying, _a lot_ , given the warm tears that streaked down her face.

"You're not wearing the ring." _The_ ring. Not _her_ ring or _his_ ring but, _the_ ring. He didn't want to give that blasted piece of jewelry, and all that it stood for, any ownership. No, it would mean that she was _taken_ and given the distance which stretched out between her and Bugme, he refused to believe that farce of an engagement would last.

Mac sniffed and wiped some of the tears away. "CPO Bonny Johnson is single. Not engaged."

Harm smiled but there was a sadness in his eyes as he raised his hand and brushed more of the tears away. "I like that about her."

"You like that _she_ looks like Diane _._ And, I'm sorry I'm not her and can't be. I would give anything for you to be that happy again. Be in love."

He stared at her for a moment, more than a bit confused at her sudden change. On the ride to the base she'd been lively, bantering, what happened? " _Be in love?_ Are you in love?"

"I...Harm."

"Do. You. Love. Him?" He punctuated each word and then frowned when he thought back to Mac's impromptu Australian trip. "I guess you must, to spent a week with him." A truth that had hurt him more than Harm could have imagined. The thoughts of Mac in that pompous Australian's arms. The fact that she had turned to Brumby when a case had threatened her career. She ran to Brumby not him. Things had changed between them after he went to fly and the change was not for the better. He'd always been her confidante and now...

"You have Renee, who I'm with shouldn't bother you."

"I'm not in love with Renee." He stated with a stern simplicity that wouldn't force her to question him. "And I don't see Diane when I look at you. Not gonna lie, I did for a while - but, then it was all you." Harm clarified, smiling when Mac raised her head up to look at him. "Those pictures though..." He motioned to the neat little pile that he'd turned upside down so prying eyes wouldn't see. He had the decency to blush. She was his partner, he shouldn't be thinking of her _that_ way.

But he had been thinking, fantasizing. Since Sydney, it's all he was doing... thinking of Mac, confused on how a woman that one moment offered to go topless in front of him could take another man's ring the next. It opened up a floodgate of emotions that Harm couldn't quite understand. He didn't want to hurt her but then, he didn't want to hurt over her either. The fact was, he wasn't good at relationships and was terrified of what it would do to them.

Undoubtedly, their trip to Australia was a kind of turning point and not for the better. It felt like he was on the Titanic, sinking under the cold sea. She could save him, Mac had the power to if only he'd let her.

Mac's flipped the images over knowing full well that Harm ha surveillance on the group. It was just that, images, pictures that would only be seen by her colleagues and destroyed after the case ran it's course. "What about them? You can barely tell it's me."

"Yes, I can...And, I shouldn't have looked at them...I'm your partner...not your... I-I'm sorry."

"Your lead investigator on the case..." She offered as an excuse but, when her eyes locked onto his she saw the blue irises turn almost a stormy grey. It made Mac catch her breath, he was openly looking at her with such desire that it made parts of her tingle. "Harm..."

"Sarah." He wanted to kiss her. God, how he wanted to kiss her and spend the rest of the day studying every inch of her body with his fingers following the lines of that tattoo. Harm only hesitated, location held him back from taking what he wanted most. "I see you, Sarah. Just you." He took her hand in his, running his thumb slowly along the lines of her palm. It wasn't a kiss, far from it but, the intimacy in his touch made the heat rise between them - simmeringly so.

"No." Mac said suddenly, pulling her hand out of his grasp and standing when there was a knock at the door. Bud had returned. "No, I don't love him."


	68. Each of Us Angels

THIS episode in particular always pisses me off. It's heartwarming, cute, kinda sexy... I swear DJE and CB need to be on SOMETHING where their characters are romantic interests because they are too darn cute. That doctor scene *swoon*

Anyway... WHY did Beverly have to die? Even in an alternative universe, H&M just could not be together. WTF?!

Let's fix that huh?

 **Each of Us Angels.**

Lt. Ron Graham leaned against the outer wall of the comm room, his eyes fixated on the doctor that was attempting to rouse Beverly back to life. It was a miracle that he found her, amongst the smoke and commotion, laying under shelving that had pinned her to the ground. He'd risked his own life to save her, ignored the searing pain in his hands when he raised hot metal shelving units off of her. Frantically, Ron raced through the ship, fighting the urge to black out as smoke filled his lungs. He needed to get her topside, needed to get to fresh air. Only he could save her.

Once outside, he found a collection of hospital staff willingly able to take over his burden when he was sure he'd collapse. There was another nurse, a friend of Beverly's and that doctor, while gruff was one of the most competent physicians on board. Begrudgingly, he placed her body on the deck and fell back against the nearest wall he could find, hoping to remain upright.

It only took seconds but, in Ron's mind it felt like hours before the doctor glanced his way, shaking his head - a sign that Beverly was gone.

In that very moment, he felt something die inside of him two, his soul crushed beyond that of a man who had suffered through one of the nastiest wars. He expected his command would come with death and the loss of men he'd come to care for like brothers. But this, the death of the woman he'd fallen for in such a short time, was more than he could bear.

He wasn't sure what had brought them together, a cosmic alignment of some sort that made him crawl out of that dark space his body and mind had descended into. Ron had arrived at the hospital ship just a sliver away from death with the desire to fall into its depths and not feel the embarrassment and pain any longer. It was Beverly that saved him, with that sweet voice and a soft touch that made him want to know who was willing him back to life.

He hadn't believed that kind of love at first sight type of nonsense existed until he looked into the brown eyes of one Beverly Johnson - the rose amongst a desert of death and despair. She made him believe in love and living for the present without the fear of consequences. She made him want to be a better man.

 _"You're not alone in believing we met for a reason..."_ And as he stared at he frail body, devoid of life, Ron realized what that reason was. He'd been in that position before, knocking on death's door without the will to make it back until she rescued him.

"No! She's not dead!" He yelled out and pushed past doctor Rayburn in order to drop to Beverly's side. He tilted her head back, working on instinct that guided him in breathing life back to her. Ron breathed for her, pushing his breath into her lungs, forcing life back into her body. "C'mon Beverly... wake up for me."

Rayburn's frown deepened and his characteristic 'warmth' came through. It wasn't that he was a mean spirited human but, he'd seen enough to death to know when to let go. "Lieutenant, Nurse Johnson is..."

"Don't you tell me she's dead!" Ron yelled at the man, cradling Beverly's head as he breathed more life into her. "C'mon... _please_. Please!" He felt the tears stinging his yes, the ones he'd held back and couldn't no longer. They spilled freely and Ron was sure he'd never cried so hard in his life when Beverly refused to wake. His hands stroked her face, fingers tracing all of her contours, then brushing the bit of blood from her lips. Even in death, she was beautiful, the most stunning woman he'd ever seen. War always comes with casualty and, as a Marine, he was prepared for that - as a man, just a man, this was too much of a price to pay. " _Please..._ wake up for me, Bev... Please. Come back to me." He stroked her cheek as he pleaded, remembering the feel of her hand on his face, her voice that brought him back to life. "I...I-I love you."

Ron brought his lips down to hers a final time. He kissed her so softly and as he made to pull away, he felt a delicate hand wrap around his wrist. "Ron?"

Her voice was so soft, so weak, her eyes barely opening but, he could see that Beverly was looking at him. "That's it, sweatheart... Wake up."

"Why are you crying?" Her hand came up to his face, brushing away the tears.

Ron pressed his hand against hers, holding it against his cheek. "You're alive."

"You made me want to live." Beverly brought her hand to the back of his neck and pulled him down so that Ron's lips could meet hers.

 _ **AND THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER LIKE THEY SHOULD HAVE!**_


	69. JAG TV

**JAG TV**

"Hey." Harm opened his door to find Mac standing on the other side. She was in civvies, wearing a soft burgundy sweater and a pair of black, form fitting jeans. He eyed her up and down, raising a brow when she stepped into his apartment and practically collapsed on the sofa.

"Have you seen the news? It's been days and my private life is still plastered all over it."

He nodded, having seen parts of the case from the Seahawk while investigating a suicide. "I saw. I'm sorry, Mac."

"The Admiral told me SECNAV is considering making that dog and pony show an occasional thing. Something about recruitment." She heaved a sigh, the thoughts of compromising more of herself for the ratings was truly nauseating. "My morals are on the line. I did things I wouldn't normally do just to fight fire with fire. And I feel terrible for it."

"Mac, Ensign Kingsley was guilty as sin. You did your job, you found the truth."

"By giving an interview that perpetuated that circus. I don't. do. that. I don't." She punctuated and angrily wiped away a tear that spilled down her cheek. "Come here." Harm opened his arms to her surprised that she willingly accepted his comfort without argument. This closeness had been missing from their relationship since he returned from flight duty, it was like she'd purposely avoided being this close to him. That cassom grew a bit after Australia and that stupid ring she came home with.

What struck him most was the blurb he'd read on People magazine about her _fiancé_ , that farce of a relationship he prayed would implode. Mic just wasn't right for her, as far as Mac was concerned, no man was. But to read that the 'friendship' ring could now be an 'engagement' kind of thing had hurt deeply.

He always figured they would have more time, that he would get another shot at loving Sarah MacKenzie. With Mac's head resting on his shoulder and her body trapped in his arms he was able to inhale her sweet scent, a combination of shampoo, soap, her skin and the perfume he gifted her at Christmas.

His clothes would smell of her now and he wondered how long the scent would linger. Slowly, she pulled away from him only to bury her face in her hands. "I'm sorry. You don't need to put up with this."

"You're my best friend. It's what we..." Harm's words trailed off when he noted her right hand was devoid of that stupid ring. In fact, now that he _really_ looked he noticed the ring wasn't on either hand. "The ring. You're not wearing it."

Mac raised her right hand and glanced at her ring finger which was now devoid of the gaudy piece of jewelry. "I gave it back." Actually, _throw_ would have been a better word to use.

"You gave it back?"

" _Threw_ it back. Aimed right at his chest before I kicked him out of my apartment." She admitted on a sigh. "I figured it out, how the press knew so much...The Son-of-a-bitch told them about me...Gave the press pictures he took of me in Australia wearing a Bikini."

Brumby had assumed it was all innocent, a way to show a more human side to the military prosecutor. He just hand't asked for permission assuming his ring on her finger gave him certain 'rights.' He was wrong. "Mic thought it would improve my chances at winning."

Harm couldn't help the anger which raised in him, a deeply rooted want to trade blows again with Mic. "Why would he do that without your conscent?" He cpuldn't imagine how violated she felt and thanked God the news hadn't dug up worse.

"I don't know." She brought her hands up to her head, rubbing her temples roughly to fight off the growing headache. "He said he loved me and I...I am just a stupid woman who fell for it. Because he offered me what I always wanted."

Harm stared at her for a long moment trying to find the words to tell her what he felt. "What is it that you want, Mac?"

She hated being this weak around him given the way that she felt and would always feel for him. The pain she felt back in Australia was still fresh, a constant reminder that Harm didn't want her _like that._ Yet, something in his eyes told her otherwise, a sad expression towards her that he coulsn't hide with a smile. "I want someone to want me... To need me...To love me."

It was sort of cathartic to admit her ultimate weakness, the hole her mother's departure and her father's parenting had left on her soul. Fundamentally, she knew her friends cared but, there was one thing missing - the love of the man who sat across from her. "I want...I want _you_ to love me...I want you to love me like _I_ love you."

She saw his eyes widen either from shame or shock, Mac wasn't sure. Harm's expression mirrored the same one he afforded her on that stupid ferry ride when she'd offered herself to him and he pushed her aside. "And you don't feel the same, do you?"

Harm took a moment too long to react, his brain quantifying that he was losing her again when Mac made a beeline for his door. She had her hand on the doorknob pulling it slightly ajar but, his hand slammed it shut.

"Harm..." She turned to face him, to tell him that it was their friendship was still intact only to find herself pressed up against the very door she was trying to escape through.

His lips found hers, stifling a protest with a soul searching kiss that left her breathless. It took a second or two for her brain to restart and once it did, Mac was clingy desperately to him as his mouth took possession of hers. If she had any doubts as to his feelings for her, Harm dispelled them with every sweep of his tongue against her own. And then, he said it, in a husky voice that made her insides quiver. "I love you, too."


	70. Angels 30

On IG lilmsayerscommaliz suggested a Disruption for 'Angels 30' workout scene.

Okay here's what we got... Hope you enjoy! ;-)

 **Angels 30**

Harm was watching her, Mac could sense the intense heat of his gaze as she lay prone on the hamstring extension machine. Each time she rose her legs her six would contract and that was exactly what he'd been watching.

Mac rolled her eyes, he could be such a _guy_ sometimes. "Officer and a gentleman my ass."

"What was that?" Harm had been taking swings at a punching bag stopping only to watch her leg muscles tighten along with her six. He knew he'd been caught and resumed punching the heavy bag in front of him.

"It's nothing...Just you seemed to appreciate my form a little too much."

He took a final swing and then stopped the bag from moving. Despite their current location and the inappropriateness of it all, he couldn't resist flirting with her. "Well...there's a lot of _nice_ things about your form, Major."

"Well... there's a lot of _nice_ things about your form as well, Commander. Particularly your upper body." Which had filled out since she last called him stick boy. He was chiseled, as was evident when his white t-shirt stretched across his chest each time Harm lowered the weighted bar. She'd enjoyed the show from above, "spotting" as he effortlessly raised and lowered the weights.

"It's my lower body that gets the most compliments." He waggled his eyebrows, insinuating his innuendo was nothing more than their banter. Harm waited for Mac to red light him and laugh off his idiotic joke.

Instead, she turned the tables and stepped towards him. Given the confines of the ship's gym, kissing Harm was completely out of the question but, Mac needed to make her intentions crystal clear. She ran a finger down his chest and stopped to hook them on the dog tags that had slipped out of his shirt. "I wouldn't mind seeing your lower body."

"You're not gonna red light me?" He was surprised but then, they were well past traffic signals.

Mac released the tags from her fingers, letting them fall onto his. "Nope and when we get back to Washington there won't be a traffic light in sight, sailor." She winked at him and the turned towards the exit, knowing his gaze was back on her six.


	71. Redemption

**Redemption**

"Have you always been this annoying?"

It was her grin, sly and sexy that had butterflies come alive inside and made him melt a little more over her. "Isn't that why you came here?"

Harm returned the grin and settled back down on her oversized armchair, sighing heavily. The levity of the moment broke like a dam and suddenly, a sort of tension grew between them. "I didn't have to drive here you know. I ah, I could have just called." He stated the obvious, glancing at her through veiled eyes.

"Yes, you could have." But, that wasn't how they operated. It wasn't uncommon for either of them to show up, unannounced, when it pertained to cases. It was almost like a foundation of their partnership that had been shaken when her ex-fiance had become a more permanent fixture. Harm wouldn't drop by as much ever since she moved the ring to her left hand. She missed these chats, the impromptu visits just because. "Why didn't you?"

He shrugged, "I wanted to see you. To know that you're okay...that you know... _we're_ okay."

"Getting there. We'll be okay."

"Will we?" He wasn't sure especially by the way Mac avoided him of late. Taking off, knowing he'd arrive at her house close to midnight had been a ridiculous undertaking.

"Why did you really come here?"

Why? Because he had to see her and 'national security' seemed a good excuse as any. He needed to fix them, Harm missed her too much. "You left, without warning. You left and I thought...I believed you and me…That we'd uh...figure this _thing_ out."

"Harm...look…"

"Renee and me, we're uh...not together anymore." He blurted out and had the decency to seem shy about the news. His shoulders slumped slightly as a blush creeped onto his cheeks. "It's over."

She studied his posture, the way his eyes wouldn't meet hers and the sudden interest in his coffee cup that was nearly empty. In a word, Harm seemed 'lost' and Mac wasn't sure how to fix it. "She broke up with you didn't she?"

"Yes. I ah...wanted to tell you..on the LHA but…"

"I walked away." Mac said with a frown when he nodded in agreement. He trapped her on the ship knowing there were limited areas she could run to - they bumped into one another several times a day. It was too much, too soon. "It wasn't the time or place."

"What about now?" His head came up, eyes keeping h slightly veiled as they locked and held her gaze. Harm noticed her breath quicken and her tongue dart out to moisten her lips which sent his mind racing onto ungentlemanly thoughts. God, he wanted to crush her to him again, kiss her like he did some months ago without restrictions. "You and Mic?"

"Over and done with."

"You and me?" His voice cracked knowing that cornering Mac never ended well. Yet, he had to know where they stood and that he didn't obliterate his chance of being with her. But, she didn't answer so Harm took a breath and aimed to clarify his intentions. "Just so we're clear...I uh...well… I uh, I love you, Mac…really, really _love_ you. I want this...I want you."

Mac stared at him then, mouth agape as her brain tried to fashion some sort of response. He loved her? Really loved her? She always knew, Mac supposed but, Harm's inaction left her so confused. And now, he bore his heart out in the simplest of forms, expecting nothing but her love in return.

"Say something? Slap me. Punch me...anything."

She stood, rounding the coffee table and then lowering herself onto his lap. Mac's arms wrapped around his neck and with the most tender of touches, she kissed him.


	72. Back In The Saddle

This is the ep Mac goes to Harm for help with Imes's cases.

 **Back In The Saddle**

Damnit did she look _good_. Better than any woman had a right to, her hair fixed a certain way, a light touch of make up and that trench coat that made him wonder what she wore beneath.

This wasn't a social call, far from it. In Harm's.opinion, they were well passed civility. He just couldn't hide his disdain for her, the anger and hurt that ate him up inside. While Mac chatted on about Carolyn Imes and the role she needed him to play, it struck him - he was still very much _in love_ with Sarah MacKenzie.

She seemed surprised that he'd been fired from the CIA and that gave him an opening, a way to let her know he was aware of her status with one Clayton Webb. "Ask him about it next time you're together. Give you an opportunity for a little pillow talk." He was smug about it, no doubt and knew it had bothered her when Mac's nostrils flared. "Or maybe you two just don't talk about me." Harm took a swig of his beer.

Mac heaved a sigh and stood. He half expected her to slap him or leave but, instead, she took the beer bottle he held in his hand and placed it on the coffee table next to the briefcase.

And then, she did the most extraordinary thing - Mac slid onto his lap and kissed him.

Harm remained still for a while, his brain trying to play catch up as to what was really happening. Sarah MacKenzie was kissing him, _really_ kissing him and, damn was she good at it. Her lips were soft and tasted like cherries although he hadn't engaged his own mouth to return the kisses, she still continued.

It was when her tongue traced over his lower lip that any resistance or control cracked imperceptibly. Harm kissed her back, passionately without any sort of restriction. His hands that held a vice like grip on the arms of the chair were now on her, sliding over her legs, hip and up her back so that his arms would encircle her waist.

Mac was the first to break away, grinning when she saw that hazy, lovesick look on his face. "I'm not involved with Webb. It's scuttlebutt… We tried." She admitted, "But, he isn't you. It never went past a couple of awkward and boring dates."

"But...what you said..in Paraguay? _Never_?" His voice shook both from the heavy emotions he still kept guarded and the fear she would leave him. God, if she left him now the universe certainly hated him. Mac felt too good in his arms, seated on his lap as if it were the most natural thing.

"I was scared." She admitted, sighing when his arms tightened around her. "You were...I was...God, Harm, that wasn't _us_ ….I'm sorry."

"I am too." His heart broke a little especially seeing the tears that were now streaming down her face that he brushed away. Harm pulled her down to him, laying her head on his shoulder as they held each other. "You could have couriered that over…"

Mac nodded. "I wanted to see you..figured this was the only way….I missed you so much."

"I missed you too."

She raised her head up and then her hands came up to his face, tracing his features as if seeing him for the first time. Her touch was a balm over his heart that Harm needed. "I love you." Mac said, her voice soft and small and insecure. "You don't have to say it back… what you did for me...I know."

"Do you?"

Her response was to kiss him again and again and again.

"Mac." He held her back for a second. If she was being honest with him, it was time to admit his own feelings. "Sarah, I'm in love with you."

"I know."


	73. Chains Of Command

**Chains Of Command**

"Dalton?"

"Gone." And she was much more relieved about that than she should have been. But then, she wasn't exactly in love with the guy. It was far easier to leave someone if your heart wasn't fully in it. "You never liked him."

"I just thought you could do better Mac."

For once Mac thought she had the right man, powerful, wealthy and with a good heart. The way he'd defended a mutual client, throwing his own money in to help had won him a spot in her heart until he betrayed her. It was her fault, she knew, leaving sensitive information out in the open. Still, he copied the information with no regards to whom he would hurt including the woman he supposedly cared for. "I thought he was pretty good."

"You're a good looking woman, Your smart…'pretty good' doesn't cut it...not even close when it comes to you." Harm's voice was soft despite the loud music pouring through the bar and the voices from the other patrons. He leaned close for her to hear and smudged out the cigar for her benefit. "You deserve more than just 'pretty good'."

"Do I?" Lord, the way he was looking at her made Mac's breath catch. It was like a hunter going after their prey and damn did she want to succumb to him. His eyes drifted to her lips and then back to her eyes again, if she didn't know better, Harmon Rabb Jr. wanted to kiss her. The air rushed out of her lungs as his past actions began to click into place - his treatment of Dalton, the veiled hurt in his eyes when she left JAG for his law firm. This wasn't the look of a caring friend but a man in love. "Your jealousy for him had nothing to do with his job, did it?"

"In part but, no...it didn't…. It had to do with _you_."

"Me?"

Harm nodded and a lazy smile spread across his lips. "More like you and me."

"You're speaking in riddles Harm."

"Mac...There's something between us that I can't explain…" He reached out and took her hand, his bigger one clasping completely around her delicate fingers and threading them through. There was a spark to his touch, combustible and gentle all at once. Harm's hungry eyes softened a bit. "He wasn't right for you because…"

Mac found herself leaning closer to him, just a tug from his hand would have had her pressed against him. They were a breath away now and she could smell his cologne and the faint scent of bourbon which still hung from his lips. His eyes were scanning her face again, dropping down to her lips which parted in expectation for his to press into her own. "Because?"

"I am…" Harm grinned when she leaned back and stared at him in shock. The grip on her hand was the only thing keeping them in the moment and he was reluctant to let her go. "Don't look so surprised, you can't tell me you don't sense something."

"I do...I have...you just never seemed to notice me not that way…"

"Yes I have…" He kissed the corner of her mouth only fully kissing Mac on the lips when her eyes fluttered shut. The kiss was chaste given their current location and didn't last nearly as long as Harm wanted it to but it was something.

"Harm, don't break my heart."

"I won't." He promised.


	74. Florida Staights

For Joan. Because Mic was manipulative and Mac needed a little saving from a certain flyboy.

 **Florida Straights.**

She knew it was him. Even if the tall, dark haired man was not wearing his peanut butters with Commander's oak leaves, Mac could always find Harm.

She stared at him for a moment, well, his back as he was not facing her while engaged in a jovial conversation with one of Mic's potential partners, Jake Price. Part of her wanted to intrude but, after being reprimanded by her husband-to-be, she spent the rest of the day making herself scarce. She was to be a trophy girlfriend, nice to look at but, not outspoken. And she hated it.

Mac excused herself by pretending to need the bathroom but, it was to be an escape escape of sorts. Casually, she walked through the large home until she ventured into the library. She silently catalogued the manuscripts that were clearly first editions given how they'd been locked behind glass, it was an impressive collection.

"How'd you find me?" She smirked when a sudden change in the air alerted her of Harm's presence.

"I always know where you are." He said with a shrug and then leaned against the door frame. Harm kept his voice low and measured, she'd be hard pressed to find that it was his bedroom voice. "Price tells me Mic may be the new partner."

"Mmm." She rolled her eyes and slowly continued her query, reading each of the books titles which lined the rear wall. "How do you know him? Price?"

"Oh. High School. Jake Price is and will always be an asshole."

Mac raised her brow and turned to face him. "Odd way to speak about a friend."

"We're _not_ friends. He looked me up the other day, picked up a client that was former Navy and asked for help. I got a ridiculously expensive bottle of single malt scotch as payment." He grinned sheepishly and then pushed off the frame and stepped into the room stopping just behind her.

"Weren't you supposed to be on a Frigate?"

Harm nodded. "Wrapped it up faster than we thought. This was a last minute engagement which is why I'm still in uniform." His eyes narrowed as he tilted his head to look at her. There was something wrong, a discomfort that he could feel coming off of Mac in waves. "Why are you in here and not with Mic?"

"That isn't really my scene..." Was it possible to feel invisible and objectified all at once?

"If you were my fiance I'd be showing you off to all of them. You look amazing." His eyes, she felt them caressing her body as if it were his hands and it made Mac sigh.

That's the part that wasn't her scene - the showing of Mic's future trophy wife. "Not all women like that." Although, if it were Harm showing her off maybe it would be different? He would have treated her like an equal not a submissive.

 _Submissive_. That was exactly what she'd become in a way. She'd been guilted into joining Mic at the party when she knew well enough his plan was to show her off. Mac was Mic's ultimate accessory and he held her to that regard without much concern over her feelings on the manner.

It pissed her off.

"What's wrong, Mac?"

Harm was now standing a breath away and his hand had begun to slide down her arm. His touch made her shiver although she tried to hide the way her body reacted to him. "Do you ever feel like you've made the biggest mistake of your life?" He didn't answer, so she took a breath and looked into his eyes. "My life...I should be happy...I'm not."

The revelation made him frown. The woman had gone through so much in her life, she deserved to be happy. Instinctively, he knew the why, Mic wasn't _The One._ "It's him. You're not happy with him." Her eyes that were once locked onto her looked down in shame or disappointment, Harm wasn't sure which.

"Mac." He hooked a finger under her chin and raised her head up so that she'd look at him. Those eyes, her beautiful amber eyes danced alive as he held her gaze and Harm never wanted to kiss a woman so badly.

It was when his head dipped down to hers that a voice stopped them from kissing. "Sarah. There you are." The pair stepped away from each other as if burnt and thankfully Mic had missed all of their conversation. "Harm? What are you doing here?"

"I was just leaving, came to drop a file off for Jake Price." Harm's fingers dug into his cover and reluctantly he stepped away from Mac. "Congratulations."

"Thanks mate." His smile was smug widening when he offered his hand to Mac and she slipped her palm into his. "C'mon. They're asking for you luv."

"Lets not keep them waiting."

For the duration of the party Harm's gaze was constantly on Mac. He saw her shift uncomfortably each time Mic's hand caressed her back. He noticed the plastered smile that never reached her eyes. At least five times she'd forgone the glass of champagne floating around and explained that she didn't drink just as much.

As the hours dragged on so did her irritation until Mic finally noticed. Of course, the party had rounded down by then and she'd felt completely humiliated. She'd questioned Mic and the conversation to his new boss that seemed to evolve soley on his involvement with her.

Kalinski was ogling her, indecently so for most of the afternoon and Mac felt like she went back in time trying to fight the good old boys club. 'Sharp, smart and sexy.' Were the adjectives Mic used and none of them felt like a compliment. He knew how uncomfortable she would be and yet, he cajoled her, guilted her and Mac stupidly went along.

"This is a bloody good opportunity and I'm not going to jeopardise it because of something that happened to you before I was in your life." It wasn't so much that he'd brought up her past, frankly the man didn't really know enough about her to do much damage. But, his tone, his voice had carried across the courtyard catching the attention of those around.

"Mic, you are wrong about…"

"Sarah! Leave it! Get in the car…"

She stood trying to defy him until Mic's eyes gleamed with malevolence. Mac was ready for him to strike until the tall, Navy Commander stepped to her side. "Mac, you alright?"

"I said, get into the car, Sarah!" Mic's hand wrapped around her bicep and he tried to use force to get his way. It was his biggest mistake.

He never saw the fist that landed on his left cheek and knocked him right on his ass. "You don't treat a lady like that you piece of shit." Harm grabbed Mic by the lapels of his jacket and punched him once more for good measure. "Especially if she's a Marine." He stood to full height and turned to Mac. "You alright?"

"Yeah, I am now." She unscrewed the engagement ring from her finger and tossed it at Mic's chest. "We're through...Take me home, Harm?"

* * *

He was seated on her sofa and Mac on her coffee table nursing the bruise which formed on his knuckles. It had been a hard hit and thankfully Harm hasn't broken any bones. "Normally I'd tell you that I'm a Marine that could take care of herself but…"

"But?"

"Thank you." She finished wrapping a bandage around his hand and then pressed a kiss against his knuckles. "There all better."

"We're always watching eachother up, huh?"

"In more ways that one." She agreed. "And I wouldn't have it any other way."

Mac was still holding his hand, running her fingers above the bandage to his pulsepoint on his right wrist. His heartbeat was strong and steady beneath her fingers and Mac realized just how much she needed him. "I'm not like him you know?"

"I know." She nodded.

"I would never do that…"

"No you wouldn't."

Her hand moved from his wrist up his shoulder. "You're not just a pretty girl. You're…" He was cut off when Mac's touch moved to the back of his head, her fingers playing with the short hair there.

She pulled his head down to hers. "Harm? Shut up and kiss me."

"Aye, ma'am." And so he did.


	75. Full Engagement Pt 2

Continuation to Chapter 27 - Full Engagement. Read that one first!

They are too cute! _

 **Full Engagement Pt2**

"Stand at attention." Chegwidden said calmly when his two senior attorneys stood just in front of his desk. He glanced up quickly to find Mac trying to keep a ramrod straight posture while balancing on crutches and failing miserably. He noticed her wince and the feeling of pain etched across her face. It forced an exasperated sigh out of him. "Not you Major. I'm pretty sure Mr. Rabb got you into this."

Harm cringed, sure that being a Lt. Commander would force the geuff CO to do away with that 'mister' business. This time, it was more than warranted, Chegwidden had every right to be upset. Not only did they play hooky - both of them had missed court dates and appointments - but his little stunt had Mac laid up at a hospital in Blacksburg for a few days after being shot in the leg by a deranged poacher.

Their Commanding officer had been absolutely livid over the phone hurling a slew of profanity the likes of which Harm had never experienced. That was until he interrupted to tell Chegwidden about Mac's injury, the buckshot wound that required surgery to remove. It softened the gruff old SEAL who then ordered Harm to stay with Mac and make sure she was well taken care of - for as long as it took.

"What the hell were you thinking?" Chegwidden said suddenly leveling Harm with a look that could kill. "The middle of the work week, neither of you put in for leave. What the hell made you decide to give yourselves the day off? This is the US Navy not some goddamned beach resort. There are rules, regulations. You two should know better!"

"It was my idea, sir." Mac chimed in only to be glared at with equal disdain. She didn't shy away from the scrutiny meaning to take some heat off of her partner. "We needed to blow off some steam…. I was still very upset at the Commander from when he discharged that firearm in court. I figured time away would do our partnership some good."

"The Major is correct, sir." Harm added. "It was my way of apologizing for being…"

"Insane?"

"An ass, sir. The Major is a formidable opponent and ah…"

Chegwidden waved him off, he wouldn't mention that Harm's courtroom theatrics occurred several months earlier. "We are short on staff so I will not be dishing out disciplinary action but, I won't forget this either. The two of you are on my radar and that's not a place you want to be. Dismissed."

"Aye, sir." They said in unison and Chegwiddrn watched as Harm helped Mac stand. He held her with the apt familiarity of a lover, arms wrapping around her waist and lingering for a moment too long. The Marine was staring at her partner with a look of love and admiration. Instantly, Chegwidden knew the dynamic of their relationship had shifted past the confines of professional.

Not that it was necessarily a bad thing, Rabb seemed happier around MacKenzie, lighthearted and carefree. The death of his ex had all but extinguished Harm's light making the Naval officer bitter and sometimes unkind. Mac had brought him back to the land of the living. They were a good fit, Chegwidden decided, smiling as the pair ambled out of his office.

Feeling like they dodged a bullet Harm and Mac weaved through the bullpen, Mac walking ahead maneuvering past desks and equipment and Harm hurrying after. "Hey, I got it." He opened the door to her office, holding it wide so that she could enter.

She'd been able to hold back any discomfort but, in the safety of her office, Mac sank down into her chair and groaned audibly. "That went well, I thought he was gonna hang us both from the nearest yardarm." She rolled her eyes and pointed at one of her visitors' chairs. "Hey slide one over so I can prop my leg up."

Dutifully, Harm did as told and then stopped to watch as she unraveled the bandage that wrapped from her knee upwards, disappearing beneath that Marine issued skirt. "Let me help you." He was at her side in a flash, a gentle touch gliding up Mac's injured leg as he helped raise it up to the chair.

Her breath caught when the hand which lingered on her thigh stopped just an inch below her wound. Nevermind that he needed to raise her skirt to see it or that Harm was now kneeling before her. Lord, did he always smell so good? It was dizzying and delightful. She was falling so hard for this man. "Harm."

"I'm surprised you didn't give me your 'I'm a Marine', speech."

She raised a brow and glared at him. "You got me into this in the first place, I figured your making up for it." Mac found it particularly cute to find him to be the doting kind. She reached for her purse and pulled out a package of wet wipes along with a cream she was prescribed.

"What are you doing?"

She'd taken the wipes and was using them to thoroughly scrub her hands. "I need to rebandage and reapply the cream...I'm not about to go to the head and raise my skirt up to do so."

"I want to help….Hang on, two minutes." He raised a finger and hurried out of her office. Once Harm returned he made sure to close the door and draw the blinds. Mac could smell the soap off of his freshly clean hands and smiled. The man was too much. "Hand over the cream." He slathered a liberal amount on his fingertips and gingerly applied it to the wound, taking care to cover the marred skin.

Next Harm took the bandage she'd given him and slowly wrapped her leg, using tape to secure the edges. He applied an extra measure of tape and raised his eyes to Mac as his fingers rested on her mid thigh and then teased their way upwards. His eyes had darkened, a look she'd come to learn was laced with desire.

Mac thought back to the night spent in the cave. He'd stumbled over words and then declared that he couldn't stop thinking about her. They'd kissed...Lord. could the man kiss and every reason why she shouldn't fall for her partner fell away. "I wanna kiss you again."

"Harm, not here." She frowned when the realization reached his eyes and could tell that he remembered where they were. His hands came away from her leg and he pulled her skirt down over the bandage with a heavy sigh.

"Sorry…I just…Do you want to stop this thing between us?"

"No, Harm. Of course not. The last few days at the hospital have been…"

"Wonderful." He finished for her grinning as Mac nodded in agreement.

Indeed it had been wonderful, he rarely left her side and one evening after she'd been poked and prodded for thr umptreth tkme by the hospital staff, Harm kissed her. They'd been inseparable ever since.

"When we kissed in the cave I kinda thought it would stay out there…Your interest would fade when we came back to the real world."

"Not happening." He assured her. "There's a few things we need to figure out. In a way I'm glad your hurt, it'll force us to take things...uh...slow."

"Slow huh?" It was probably a good idea, there was still so much to unravel about Harmon Rabb Jr. and she had her own secrets.

"I better get going. Scuttlebutt and all." The staff secretary was probably already posted up against her door wondering what was going on. "We still on for dinner at your place?" His hand rested on the door knob and Harm felt a warmth spread within when she smiled at him. Damn, the woman could melt a man with that smile.

"I sorta have no choice in the matter. My car is still in Blacksburg."

"Oh right." There were worse things than chauffeuring a beautiful woman around town. "Well, I better go." Harm opened her door and just as quickly closed it again. He took a breath, shook his head and then declared. "I really want to kiss you."

She really wanted that too. "Green light, sailor."

He crossed the room in a few long strides and came down just next to her. Mac's hands came to his face, farming it as their lips met in a fiery kiss.


	76. Take It Like A Man

**Take It Like A Man**

Mac hit him where it hurt, a low blow but then lately that was all they seemed to trade. They'd gone from close, caring friends and now it seemed they were enemies.

There had been truth in her words - his need to draw people in only to push them way. Maybe that's why it bothered him so much. She knew when he felt it, those teasing blue eyes darkened and Harm's expression grew sullen. _Fuck._

What had she done? And why was she spinning so out of control?

"This isn't about Mattie. You're just afraid I'm losing interest in _you_."

Ouch, that hurt. It hurt because Harm was right. "Aren't you?"

Harm stopped at the sound of her voice, his long stride barely had a chance to propel him forward before she spoke. Her voice was soft, so much that if it were any lower, it could have been carried off by the softest breeze.

He answered with a long, suffering sigh but didn't turn. Keeping his back to her seemed liked the wisest course of action. "Aren't I what, Mac?"

"Losing interest in me?"

His shoulders slumped and slowly, almost dramatically he turned to face her. "No. I can't...I tried but..."

"But?" She stepped close to him and something about this conversation reminded Mac of a cool spring night and the conversation which led to a kiss.

"Damn you, Mac." His curse was barely audible and before Mac knew, Harm grabbed her by the arm and was pulling her through the bullpen, out the glass doors and down the hall to the former supply room that was now his office.

She didn't question his neanderthal approach. Mac was too shocked by it and frankly, was glad to he on the recieving end of anything from him.

"What do you want from me?!" Harm slammed the door behind them and then circled in on her. "If you're with that son of a bitch what gives you the right to wonder about my interests?" He pointed a finger at his chest bruisingly so.

"Harm..."

He moved in closer and every ounce of anger he'd repressed was now egging Harm on. "Why do you care?"

"I do... I do care...I..."

"Doesn't spook boy entertain your interests enough?"

And that's when she pushed back. "I'm _not_ with Clayton Webb..."

"I...You... _What_?"

Mac sighed, why hadn't she been honest with him? Perhaps the 17 ignored messages and the disgusted look in his eyes forced her to omit the truth. "I'm not involved with Webb...A few dinners, helping him covalense... I'm _not_ with him. And I'll _never_ be."

Harm visibly relaxed, that murderous look abated and calm soon fluidly moved through him. "But I thought..."

"Because I led you to believe..."

"Why?"

She sighed heavily, folding her arms across her chest as a means to protect herself from him. The look in his eyes changed, darkened iris turning a blueish grey. Hurt. He was hurt. "Because you lost interest in me."

Only he hadn't, not really. He just let hurt and anger lead the way. Carefully Harm brought a hand up to her face. She was still so beautiful. He noted the dark circles under her eyes, a thinning of her frame. "I've never lost interest in you, Sarah...I just...I lost my way is all."

"I love you." Mac said then almost in a whisper and she pressed her palm to the hand at her cheek. "I never meant _never."_ She never meant to hurt him so bad.

"I love you too." Harm dipped his head down and brought his lips over hers. He kissed her slow tasting the sweetness of her lips mingling with salty tears.

"I'm a mess..." She said when they broke apart. "I need to see someone."

"Therapy?"

Mac nodded, almost embarrassed by the prospect.His arms were now encircling her and she yielded into his embrace. "I'm...I feel... _broken_."

"You went through hell, Mac... You can't expect to always shoulder everything alone...Let me help." He was rocking her and Mac's head had dropped to his chest where she could hear his strong heartbeat. "What do you need me to do?"

Love her. "You're doing it."


	77. A Merry Little Christmas

THIS episode begged for a disruption. Specifically, that scene where Harm goes to Mac for help and they had a spat. I hated that they were so fractured then. He had a right to be pissed but then, she had a point that he never fought her. Oh these two idiots.

 **A Merry Little Christmas**

Mac tried to stretch and work out the kinks in her neck but the strong arms halted any movement. She slowly opened one eye and then the other sighing when Harm's eyes met her own. "Good Morning."

"Yeah, it is." Immediately he kissed her slowly, sweetly and the mess of the past few months just fizzled away. Carefully,.Harm pulled at the afghan that covered their bodies while they lay on Mac's floor just in front of the sofa.

Whatever he expected as he ventured to her apartment the previous night, he never imagined this turn of events. He'd begrudgingly come to her seeking help, needing Mac to vouch for him in Mattie's custody hearing.

He was desperate, that was the only way he would have brought himself to Mac's doorstep when the very thought of her made him hurt. She'd drawn a line in the stand and he wasn't going to bother trying to cross it. He'd been here before with her and this was the second time Mac chose some slimeball over him.

It annoyed him to need her when he'd decided she would be just a colleague, a little more than an acquaintance only because the years they'd spent ad partners.

He snorted at her audacity to seem jealous when she had no right. And then she was yelling, upset and accusing him of shutting her out of his life until he needed her. Perhaps Mac was right but she owed him. "Never mind, this is too important for you to screw up."

That blow hurt her, Harm could tell by how she visibly winced along with a sadness in her eyes. Good. He thought as he grabbed his coat had rushed out the door. He would find another way. He didn't need her and why was the elevator taking so damned long!

Harm didn't expect her to give chase, it wasn't in their modus operandi and when he heard Mac call his name from the hallway, his heart almost stopped. "Harm, please don't go."

He lost whatever rational thought once rattled in his mind as he turned to find Mac standing just a few short feet away. The sweater and jeans she wore hugged all of her curves and he was struck by how sexy she looked and how out of his mind he was to want to kiss her.

But he did anyway and it wasn't soft or romantic or sweet. It was hard and punishing enough so that Mac presses her hands against his chest to make him stop. He didn't and eventually his insistence wore her down.

They made it back into her apartment wildly kissing while hands tore off each shred of clothing. The bedroom was too far and Harm practically threw Mac onto the sofa.

At first it was only sex. Rough and primal sex, meaningless and unemotional. He wanted to punish her, to show Mac what she had been missing, what spook boy could never give her.

And then he made one fatal mistake...He looked into her eyes. Molten chocolate and caramel stared back at him and that weight over his heart - the combination of pain and anger - simply snapped. It forced him to slow the pace to...make love to her.

Every ounce of hatred eased. Every mistake is corrected. When she reached up and pulled him near enough to kiss Harm remembered how he fell in love with her. He was falling again each time her lips pressed against his.

How they wound up on the floor was due to their second encounter as he tried to roll off of Mac in effort not to crush her. He miscalculated his movements and brought her with him as they crashed onto the floor in a tangle of limbs and laughter.

"My bed isn't too far away." She suggested.

But, Harm was afraid to move and ruin whatever magic brought them to this point. "Can we stay right here for a while?" He reached up and pulled the afghan down to cover them.

He was just as surprised as Mac to find that this was not a dream. "Guess we nodded off."

"Harm, about last night...Whatever you need me for… You know I'll always be there for you always. I.."

"I know." Hell, she followed him to Russia twice on one of his crazy schemes and he nearly got her killed. He sighed deeply and began to trace her lips with his fingers. "How serious is it with you and…"

"It isn't...We haven't...done _this_."

That information made him smile. "Good." His arms tightened around her and Harm could feel himself drifting back to sleep when he heard her say three wonderful words: "I love you."


	78. What If

**What If**

The photobook sat at the edge of the desk, taunting her. Mac wasn't sure why she rescued it, why she hadn't just left it in Harm's care or tossed it into the garbage like the remnants of their marriage. She knew exactly what lay inside - one year of memories - spread out amongst pages that she's catalogued in meticulous order for him.

A first anniversary present because the first year of marriage the traditional gift was paper.

Paper. So simple, a way to bind together images that she was sure they'd remember forever.

There had been pictures of their engagement, wedding, the honeymoon at a tropical island - a gift from Trish and Frank. She favored the photo of their first Christmas as husband and wife when he raised her up to place the angle on the tree and then kissed her. Harm always used to kiss her like her lips could stave some deep hunger. He kissed her like she'd been the only one in his life and such a simple touch soothed her soul. That particular Holiday had been the sweetest, shared between mutual friends until they were all alone.

For a man who claimed not to be a romantic, her husband had his moments. That night in particular, he'd placed a comforter on the ground along with several pillows. He saved one gift for when they were alone, a simple white gold pendant with a heart shaped locket. She wasn't the type for jewelry, he knew that but, wanted to get her something special anyway. They made love by the fire, amongst the makeshift bed he'd created It was new and wonderful and Mac believed that slice of Heaven would go on forever.

The 'honeymoon' phase would not last much longer than that as quips which were once amusing turned into full blown arguments. Harm knew what buttons to push, the ones that would hurt the most to get his point across, he always had that irritating ability. And then was his Peter Pan syndrome that seemed to manifest itself more when she slipped that gold ring on his finger.

Counselling failed, talking failed and at just over a year and a half of marriage, it was decided a split was needed. She just never came home, finding John along the way, needing a mature man to ease some of the madness that was Harmon Rabb. John cared for her, loved her and she could actually see a long, happy, secure future. In time, she would grow to love him too.

There was just one problem… two actually. She was still married to Harm and… and… she still loved him.

No, love was too little of a word to describe what she felt for Harmon Rabb Jr. Mac was in love with him, helplessly so and the last few days battling in the courtroom with him had weakened her resolve to leave. She still loved him, always would no matter who came or went. Her heart belonged to him and deep inside, Mac knew he was the man she was supposed to be with.

Sighing, she brushed a hand over the photograph of their wedding. He looked so good in dress whites that day, definitely not overrated like she had once told him. So taken by memories Mac was that she hadn't heard him walk in only felt that warmth that always caressed her when Harm was near. He still made her stomach do flip flops and part of her wished she'd be brave enough to weather this storm, to crash into his arms and pray he never let go.

"Taking a trip down memory lane?"

His voice was soft, like it could be the times he was loving and Mac had to stop herself from sighing. "Every now and then I find myself thinking you're not the worst thing that's ever happened to me."

"Mind if I get personal?"

She sighed dramatically and stood, casting the book aside with one last glance. No, it wouldn't be making the trip to Colorado with her. "Yes, but, I'm sure that won't stop you."

"I meant what I said this morning in the courtroom."

"I'll never understand why it's so hard for you to be nice."

He didn't either. Often enough, she brought out the worst in him. "Look you need to do what you feel is right and if that's moving into a frigid cabin in the wilds of Colorado so be it."

"I like it when you're like this." Mac could see his eyes change, turn almost a stormy blue and she saw the truth in their depths. Harm had always claimed he wanted to see her happy at all costs but doubted this was part of his plan. She felt her heart break more than she thought it could and the splitteres that were left made her chest physically ache.

"You married the wrong guy before Mac just be sure you're not making the same mistake again."

The softness of his voice was still there in that bedroom quality that would make her weak. She felt her body respond to his, losing the rigidness as he'd slowly crept in closer during the course of the conversation. His fingers brushed the top of the desk and inched forward to graze her knuckles, a touch that sent Mac's whole body on fire. She tried to stop that natural response, the yearning to be pulled into his arms but when Harm's head lowered to hear Mac suddenly couldn't breathe.

She parted her lips and it was an unconscious invitation for Harm to kiss her. And so he did, hesitantly pressing his lips against hers once, waiting for a sign of resistance. Harm was sure she would smack him, yell, kick or scream. He didn't expect her body to lean into his or for the kiss to grow so that her arms wound around his neck or his around her waist.

Harm kissed her with a fervor and passion that threatened to consume them and it was all it took for him to decide to never, ever let her go. "Do you still love me?"

"Yes. And I always will."

"Then don't go, Sarah...Stay. Give me a chance, we can make this work. We're supposed to be together only got in each other's way."

She sighed as his forehead rested against hers. "All we do is hurt each other Harm...I'm scared...I love you but I'm so scared."

"I am too...But, I'm asking you to trust me…Please."

Mac pushed out of his arms, enough to grab the divorce papers on the desk. She held them up and with a flourish tore them apart and tossed them up to the Heavens letting the strips fall like confetti around them. "I'm ready, are you?"

He grinned when she moved back to him and came up to her toes to press a kiss on his lips. "I love you, Harm."

From the small crack in the door John Farrow looked in on the couple. He should have been hurt or heartbroken, he was neither, because he just wanted Mac to be happy. "Bye, Sarah." He whispered before walking away.


	79. Boomerang Again

**Boomerang Again**

"Is that a request?"

Harm swallowed hard, his mind trying to wrap around what Mac was coyly offering him. The dress she wore exposed her sexy neckline, the temptress taunting the tempting. He hadn't realized how starved he was for her or how badly the yearning threatened to consume him until he'd arrived at Mac's door finding her much more ready for a date than a night out with her best friend.

Now she stood right before him, the strong, female Marine that had woven her way into the fabric of his life. Cautiously, he allowed his eyes to drift to her breasts for a brief moment and couldn't help but wonder why she was topless in front of Brumby. He hated that she was seated next to the arrogant, Australian asshole. It pissed him off even more that it wasn't him at Mac's side, duty came first.

Thoughts of her naked body writhing beneath him, that sweet voice calling his name in throes of ecstasy occupied his mind most of the day. And now she stood before him, bravely challenging him to action, to love her so completely she'd be ruined for other men.

But, he didn't dare make a move, simply stared as if seeing a pretty girl for the first time. "Mac…"

"We're not in Washington. We're not even on the same continent." She insisted, her words only rising his fear. Harm tried the one-night-stand approach with a former partner and barely survived the fallout of how it had destroyed their working relationship. It was uncomfortably awkward and eventually led to Kate's departure from JAG.

Problem was, he didn't love Kate Pike but he loved Mac. Completely and irrevocably, he loved her - a secret he kept tightly guarded. "What do you want from me, Mac?" He heard himself ask in a tone that was far too harsh and annoyed.

Mac's shoulders slumped and he noticed a hesitation and the single tear that ran down her cheek. She stopped his hand when he reached out to brush away the tear and held his wrist steadfast. "Can't you see it? Can't you feel it? This thing between us?"

The questioning look in his eyes only grew as did the confusion. Mac took a breath and closed her eyes, it was easier to bare her soul if her eyes weren't locked onto his. It would make it bearable if he pushed her away which he undoubtedly would as Harm had when she tried to broach the subject a year earlier.

The words spilled out in the softest voice, unsure but, she needed him to know. "I'm in love with you. I'm in love with you and...and."

Mac's words kept him rooted in place staring at her awkwardly. He honestly didn't know how to respond or what to say. Everything he wanted was suddenly within his grasp, falling into place. Sarah MacKenzie loved him.

"You don't feel the same." She accused, opening her eyes to look at him. The sad look in her eyes grew as did the panic, the want to run and save herself from such embarrassment. "No, of course you don't. This was a mistake, I'm sorry...I'm so sorry."

Before she had the chance to apologize again or remove herself from the equation, Harm snuck an arm around her waist, pulling Mac into him.

"Oh Mac." And then he kissed her with an intense passion and some desperation. He held her tightly, forcing the soft curves of her feminine body to mold into the hard planes of his own. She was his willing prisoner, pressing herself impossibly closer into his body, seeking the raw masculine heat as his tongue plundered her mouth. Mac moaned as she surrendered to him, lost in a touch that had only been a dream.

Harm found himself drunk on this woman as if he'd indulged in the finest of wines. He broke the kiss only to breath and when he looked into her eyes, he saw that same heady look, the passion which took them both by surprise.

"You're not the only one in love." He declared punctuating each word with a kiss to her eyes, cheeks, nose and finally her lips. Oh, those lips, swollen from their kisses that he couldn't help but rub a thumb over before kissing her again. "I want you, Sarah… I just." He cast a frustrated sigh and then rested his forehead against hers. "Im terrible at relationships. I don't wanna screw up and lose you."

"No matter what happens between us I promise you you'll never lose me." Mac pressed a gentle kiss on his lips, the seal of her promise to him. "Now, where are you taking me for dinner?"

Harm laughed at her sly delivery and the soft smile on her lips. Yup, this was the Marine he fell for, the one who was infuriating and equally sweet. The woman who went to the ends of the Earth and back for him when no one else would. He wanted to keep kissing her and maybe more if Mac would allow it and she was thinking about food. "You're thinking of your stomach at a time like this?"

"You really wanna toy with a starving Marine, squid?"

"No ma'am and I was considering hotdogs at Luna Park." With his head he motioned to the amusement area, the screams of patrons enjoying thrill rides echoing across the bay.

Harm was a perfect gentleman the rest of the night save for several stolen kisses and a make out session on the ferris wheel. Mac had also helped him with his case, shedding light on a few facts that just did not make any sense. And then they had taken the ferry boat back, his jacket draped over her shoulders to ensure Mac would stay warm when the evening cooled down.

She rested against him, back against his chest when they stood outside taking in the sights of Sydney Harbour. Eternity started that night.


	80. Gypsy Eyes (Afterward)

**Gypsy Eyes (Afterward)**

Mac pretended not to notice his tears even when Harm cooly tried to brush them away. He kept his head turned staring out the passenger side window of her Jeep as she drove from Dulles to his apartment.

She could hear his ragged breath and saw the way his shoulders shook as he cried. It made her want to pull him into her arms, to comfort him but Mac would break as well and she was determined to be strong for him. Somehow, Harm managed to hold it together when their Russian adventure came to an end. Yes, he cried upon hearing the news of his father's death but, even then he kept his emotions guarded. His grief disappeared almost as quickly as it began.

Harm was quiet on the flight home but then, after their harrowing adventure culminated, there was nothing left to say. No words could bring back the loved one he'd lost. He'd been so exhausted that he'd slept through most of the flight occasionally waking to take her hand in his and squeeze. He needed that comfort, she was the only one who understood.

Once she stopped in front of his building, Harm glanced up with trepidation. He took a sharp breath and let it out in a rush. "My dad wasn't much of a drinker, you know...I drink more than he does... But, when he did drink, only a good bottle of single malt scotch would do."

Mac stared at him with a raised brow, curious as to why he would mention his father's drinking habits. And then, Harm turned to face her with an unreadable expression that made her worry. "I have a bottle of Glenlivet up there...If I start, I'm not gonna stop until I drink myself into oblivion." It was the only way to numb the pain and make him forget. He needed to forget, if only for a while - he had failed his father. If only he'd found that book sooner. If only he'd remained with Striker long enough to find information that would lead him to Russia.

If only… If only..

"I need...I _have_ to feel numb."

She'd been there, of course. That need to feel 'numb' is what fortified Mac's relationship with vodka. It had the most wonderful effects once it was in her system but, the aftermath, the hangover followed by shame and guilt were things she'd rather forget. Just like when Harm saw her inebriated - her personality had changed, the hurtful words she'd flung at him just because. Mac didn't want him sinking into that pit. He was a strong man but alcohol had a way of sneaking into one's life and destroying everything without warning. "Harm, I'm coming up with you and don't try to argue."

"Okay."

Once he gave in so quickly Mac realized it he didn't want to be alone but pride wouldn't allow Harm to ask for help. They were alike this way, always living behind a military facade to conceal the flaws and weaknesses.

He'd showered upon entering the apartment and Mac made quick work of the alcohol, hiding it behind other items in order to deter him. She'd made some tea and they sat next to each other on his sofa with the lights off at his request. "I failed him...I failed him."

"No, Harm. You didn't fail him, he'd be so proud of you." Those words had Harm crying again, gut wrenching sobs that broke her as well. She cried with him, holding Harm against her as his head rested on her shoulder. He cried until he was spent, when no more tears would fall from his eyes and she still held him, cooing soft words and stroking her fingers along his spine.

After some time they sat side by side again and Harm leafed through the pages of a photo album trying to recall the past that he was too young to recall. He hated that and maybe it was for the best. "I don't remember him much anymore. Just a few things here and there. If it weren't for the letter tapes I wouldn't even remember his voice."

"It's good that you have those."

"Is it?" He wasn't so sure. Yes, they were a link to his father but, it fueled his obsession turning him desperate. "Sometimes I sit here in the dark and listen to them...I've made my life about him. Joining the Navy. Flying...and now...I just…It feels empty now."

He looked so hurt and defeated, the culmination of his life's long dream having ended disastrously. Mac had seen the hope in his eyes on the Hornet one year prior but all it did was lead him down a reckless road that nearly ended his career and his life. All for a dead man. Fate really was cruel. "Do you regret it? Following in his footsteps?"

"Yes...No...I don't know...I feel like I'm missing something and I don't know what it is… What if this isn't where my life is supposed to go? What if I'm meant to do something else and...I don't know, Mac. I don't."

"You don't have to figure that out tonight you know? You've been through a lot."

Only he wasn't the only one that went through everything. Yes, he hurt more, felt more as well but, when the going got tough, she was at his side, the voice of reason. "You went through it with me...Have I thanked you?"

"You don't need to thank me...we're friends. partners...watching each others sixes is what we do, besides after then poachers and Coster, I owe you to the moon and back."

Harm managed a soft smile and nudged her gently with his shoulder. "I think you more than repaid that, Marine. I mean it Mac, no one has ever gone that far for me..I'll never, ever forget it."

His eyes were on her, she could feel this heady gaze which made the butterflies flutter in her stomach. Mac hated that he had that effect on her and she tried to make light out of some of their time in Russia. "It was some adventure, huh? KGB, MIGs, Gypsys? Sounds like an action movie."

He grinned at the memory of her wearing that particular outfit. The way it hung from her shoulders, the soft fabric of the skirt which came up to mid-thigh when they hid in the back of the carriage. His mind was preoccupied with his father but he still noticed how beautiful she was especially that night they spent in the woods - the soft glow of flames licking her skin. It forced his mind to venture onto _other_ things, possibilities between him and her that he'd been entertaining more and more. "You in that gypsy get up was something else."

She rolled her eyes. "It was ridiculous."

"No Mac...You looked lovely _._ " _Sexy._ So very damned, sexy.

"I...ah. Thank you." He looked rather adorable himself albeit a bit ridiculous. She smiled at that thought and turned to look at him. Harm's eyes were bloodshot from crying but they had lightened some and the grief had begun to wane, at least for the moment. Mac wasn't sure but, for some reason he was looking at her mouth, eyes focused when her tongue darted out to moisten her lips. It was making her heart race

"You know, I had an overwhelming urge to kiss you that night…." Harm's smile was genuine if not a bit shy, nothing like the cocky flyboy grin that she claimed did nothing for her. He was also inching in, closing the small divide between them, his head lowering to hers. "I still want to kiss you now."

He stopped just a breath away, his eyes searching hers in a silent askance. Mac had tried to block her feelings for him but she couldn't ignore them anymore. "Permission granted."

Harm's lips pressed gently against hers in a soft, sweet kiss that she returned with growing fervor. When they broke apart he rested his forehead against hers. "I want more, Mac but…"

"I know...I'll wait until you're ready. I'm not going anywhere."

He kissed her once more. "I'm glad you're here."

"I am too." Her head dropped to his shoulder, her arms circled his waist and they simply held each other.


	81. People Vs Mac

Okay so. On my little Facebook Group - JAG FanFiction. I gave writers a challenge to use the phrase "He promised me Heaven" as part of a snipette. Here's my effort.

Putting it in Disruptions mainly because it's after Mic takes Mac to dinner in People Vs. Mac.

 **People Vs. Mac.**

Mac flopped onto her sofa wearing her blue silk robe and little else. Her hair was wet and slicked back from a recent shower. Her right knuckles were wrapped in a dish rag. She sighed and shook her head. "I'm such an idiot."

Her plan to 'make Harm jealous' with Mic had backfired with a disastrous consequence. He'd taken her to dinner, spent all of the evening trying to boast himself up in her eyes. She thwarted each advance, even when his hand dropped from the gearshift to her thigh, Mac slapped it away.

Mic insisted on walking her up and she allowed it simply to let him down hard when he assumed she would kiss him. He actually assumed more than that, she snorted, recalling how he'd slipped past her and didn't want to leave. He accused her of leading him on and when Mic tried to force a kiss, she would up and hit him as hard as possible. It was quite amusing to see the burly man walk away, tail between his legs and with a broken nose.

A soft knock on her door had her sitting up and staring at it with a scowl. "Do I need to break something else, Brum…Harm?" She threw the door open only to find her partner standing on the other side. He looked tired, eyes dark and cast downward, almost shyly. "What are you doing here?"

Harm shrugged. "I wanted to make sure you got home alright." He said by way of explanation and shrugged again. "Look Mac, I don't like the guy...at all and the fact that you…" The makeshift bandage wrapped around her right hand made him pause. He grabbed her arm, raised it up and unraveled the dishrag to find her bruised knuckles. "Mac?"

She sighed and hated to admit it that Harm had been right to dislike Brumby. "Mic may have been introduced to my right hook. **He promised me heaven**...or to take me to heaven or some equally cheesy line about how good...Harm!"

In two motions he closed the door and then was dragging her through the apartment and to her kitchen. He didn't say a word when he raised Mac up by the hips, seating her on the counter as he fished through her freezer and pulled out a bag of peas. Gingerly, he pressed a hand to her knuckles, his eyes shooting up to hers when Mac winced. "I'll kill him."

"I can take care of myself."

"Don't start with that 'I'm a Marine' crap, Mac. You're a woman and a gentleman wouldn't try whatever he did."

Despite herself, she couldn't help but smile at his tender touch or the way Harm was currently looking at her as if she were the only woman in the World. She caught him doing that as of late, specifically since their return from Russia and it made certain feelings flutter inside of her. She knew she loved him and she knew he didn't feel the same. Only now, that look was so much more intense as was that underlying jealousy. Also, why was he at her apartment at that hour? "It's past midnight...Why are you here?"

"I wanted to make sure you were alright."

"So you said." The hand not covered by frozen peas came over his and she felt it then, they both did, that crackle of electricity. It had happened from the beginning only it was so noticeable now. changing the very air around them. "Why are you here, really?"

Harm sighed and glanced down at their joined hands. Hers were so small and delicate beneath his. He swallowed and let out a slow breath. "I decided tonight that I don't want you seeing Mic...I don't want you seeing anyone, honestly. Unless...unless it's me."

"You came here to ask me on a date at half past midnight?"

He grinned. "Yeah, I guess I did...Mac, I have...feelings for you that I can't shake. Knowing you were going out tonight with Brumby…" Harm cringed when he said the name. "You deserve better. And I may not be the best but…"

"Harm?" She smiled down at the bumbling man before her. Her best friend, the only one who knew her secrets and still stuck around to protect her. They were alike that way. "I think...no, I know...I've fallen in love with you."

Mac realized he'd been standing between her legs keeping something of a chaste distance. At her admission, Harm came closer and his hands rested on either side of hers. The bag of peas was ignored, falling somewhere on the floor. She felt his body heat being drawn to hers like a magnet and when Mac figured he'd finally kiss her, Harm stopped short.

"Can I kiss you?"

"Permission granted."

It felt like slow motion, watching his head come down to hers, feeling Harm's lips claiming her own with such gentleness. The first kiss was a chaste exploration. The second and third, bolder. On the fourth kiss his tongue pushed past the seam of her mouth to tangle with hers. "Harm? Take me to Heaven."

He rested his forehead against hers and sighed. "Baby, I'll show you the stars."


End file.
